tom_cruise

Brad Bird, the director of Pixar’s The Incredibles, and also Ratatouille, both of which are great, although I prefer The Incredibles, in case that matters, which it doesn’t, is making his live-action directorial debut this winter with Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (working title: Mission Impossible 9.0: Dubai Nights). Congratulations, Brad Bird! Your new movie looks really good for exactly what it is: a Mission Impossible movie! But, so, the LA Times has an interview with Brad Bird today and apparently he wants to kiss Tom Cruise on his FACE! Look at these quotes!

“He’s ruined me for everyone else,” says Bird, who makes his live-action directorial debut in December after minting a major Hollywood profile with animation powerhouse Pixar. “I’m not going to understand after this point why any actor doesn’t want to do all of their own stunts and hang off of a mile-high building. He truly loves the movies and the movie-making process, and he knows a ton about it but is incredibly polite and shows up on time and has done all of his homework.”

And also:

“He’s made for movies the way Michael Phelps is built for swimming,” two-time Oscar winner Bird said. “You look at the directors he’s worked with too, it’s a who’s who. Scorsese and Kubrick and Spielberg and Oliver Stone — when Oliver Stone was making better movies — and Michael Mann and Sydney Pollack and on and on and on. It’s kind of stunning. Not every one of them was a great movie, but he’s worked with great directors over and over again, and you can engage him in those conversations.”

Hahha. Take it easy, Brad Bird! Like, not only is Tom Cruise already super-famous and has been for over 1,000 years (bless Zandu) but he’s ALREADY IN YOUR MOVIE! You’ve got it on lock, Brad Bird. No one can take Tom Cruise away from you now. So, you know, write it in your diary. And then lock your diary and put it under your pillow. And then GO TO BED.

Comments (42)
  1. Tom Cruise is already married Gabe. To a woman. Because he likes WOMEN. Duh.

  2. …is already married, Gabe.

    Commas mean something, everyone. They really do.

  3. Who better to have as a wingman than a Bird?

  4. Can I marry Brad Bird and the rest of the Pixar family? What’s a not gay way to ask them to go camping?

  5. Tom Cruise is so great, bla bla bla, uncalled for pot shot at Oliver Stone, bla bla bla.

  6. Tom Cruise is also very professional, agreeing to continue with filming even after the first time they met and Brad Bird whipped it out.

  7. “Brad Bird? More like Brad BURN! Ooooooooohhhhhhh!” – someone who agrees that Oliver Stone used to make better movies.

  8. “The first step of brainwashing is to do your own stunts.” -Xanthar

  9. “Actually, I just really like ice cream gay jokes.” -Brad Bird

  10. You think THIS is fawning? You should hear what he said about Ving Rhames

    hahahahah ghost protocol what a goofy name

    • He does not look like a bitch
      -Brad Bird on Ving Rhames

    • how do you do the strikethrough edit? I fear this would’ve been even more Hilolarious* if I would’ve executed this function properly.

      *impossible

    • How so? ‘Ghostwriting’ and ‘ghosting’ are two terms very present in today’s lexicon, the latter even used in reference to computer plans and such.

      • To paraphrase from high fidelity, how can it be bullshit to state an opinion?

        Ghosts are funny. When I hear the word ghost I think of amorhous WHITE blobs floating in the air like casper. So it’s like Mission Impossible: Casper Protocol. I rest my case.

        Now can you PLEASE tell me how to do the strikethrough edit?!

        • I wasn’t trying to say your opinion was wrong. I was asking you to explain, which I felt was warranted, considering how many entertainment things are thrown at us with much more bizarre names than ‘Ghost Protocol’. I’m not you. how would I have known when you hear ‘ghost’ you think ‘Casper.’ I thought you were thinking of Pac-Man.

  11. Gabe is jealous of Tom Cruise, his success and his marriage to Katie Holmes

  12. “I’m in the closet with Tom Cruise, and I’m not coming out.” – Brad Bird

  13. Let me get Brad Bird back on the side of the angels by pointing out Cruise’s asymmetrical teeth. All others, look away because you can’t unsee this:

    • I just Google image searched “Tom Cruise” because I was convinced this was ‘shopped. OH MY GOD, IT ISN’T ‘SHOPPED! He has the most asymettrical teeth I have ever seen!

    • “i always knew there was something a bit..off about him” – your mom

    • I have never found him to be attractive and frankly, he creeps me out.

      But do you know when this photo was taken? I remember he had braces awhile back and maybe it was to correct this… Teeth thetans aside, that’s got to be one hell of a cranioskeletal issue to live with. I imagine he’s in terrible pain or a low-level dull pain all the time if his head is this jacked up. He should probably get out of the public light (as I assume the brightness is too much to bear) as soon as possible. For his health and stuff.

    • YOU KNOW WHAT, WE CAN’T ALL HAVE SYMMETRICAL TEETH IN OUR FACES, OKAY? SOME OF US ARE JUST CROOKED COULD BE ANYONE REALLY.

  14. At first I thought Brandon Bird was in love with Tom Cruise, and I was really looking forward to some new paintings of Tom Cruise playing Sega on a beanbag chair, or building robots in his garage.

  15. How much did Scientology pay him to say this?

  16. You forgot The Iron Giant, Gabe.

  17. We’re going to need a bigger couch. #timely

  18. Let’s all go make a movie with Brad Bird, in case there aren’t any gay people around!

  19. Brad Bird whipped it out at eye-lock.

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