It's hard to believe that it's already here, but tonight is the final broadcast of The Jay Leno Show. Hold on, let me just wipe these tears from my eyes. (Tears are exactly the same things as barf, right?) Anyway, what a wild roller-coaster it has been. So many downs and downs! Of course, there is one good thing to come out of all this, and that is that Jay Leno's true face has been unmasked and revealed to the world. It turns out that he is less of an awe-shucks-everyman who just loves to laugh, and more of a backstabbing-nightmare-with-an-airplane-hangar-full-of-cars who hates to relinquish his mediocre grip on entertainment. Remember when he told Oprah that it would have been selfish to retire? The guy just gets it! Oh, he also said something to the effect of: "You should never quit when you are ahead, you should only quit when you begin failing." O CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN! I'm sorry, is Jay Leno the host of a talk show, or is he the coach of the Dillon Panthers?
Anyway, since all of America (practically none of America whatsoever) will be tuning in to tonight's emotional show (look out Super Bowl viewership record!), here is a fun (read: dangerous) drinking game to play at home:
There are a number of famous stories about people submitting beloved manuscripts of classic works to publishers and then touting the inevitable rejection letters as proof that the publishing system is broken and blind and cliqueish. Now, I'm not sure how much meaning you can really draw from all of that. Things happen, and the cream eventually rises to the top, but maybe the cream gets some automated rejection letters from an overworked intern every once in awhile. And lord knows, there are enough books published every year, isn't that true, Kate Gosselin? What I do think those stories suggest, though, is a general concern that the world is losing sight of what is even good anymore, and that is a concern I think some of us here may share. And it is only going to get worse as more and more half-literate 14-year-olds consider themselves the Gatekeepers of quality via Anonymous Internet Comments.
What I'm trying to say is: why can't the Internet let Beaker be great?
Go See Joe Mande And Hannibal Buress Tonight, Why Not?• Hey, if you live in New York City, why not go see Videogum's own Joe Mande and Saturday Night Live's Hannibal Buress perform stand up comedy? They are both American Treasures. Do you think you are too good for American Treasures? Because you are not. Tickets here.
Oh man, this is THE BEST. I love that this trailer opens with Kirstie Alley rubbing her lip and then smearing frosting on the glass. Her body is just made of frosting now? I thought so, but I did not have the proof! I also love that she thinks this show is called Big Life because of how busy she is with projects. Right! You got it, Kirstie Alley!
Obviously, there are lots of great things to laugh at and have a good time with about this trailer, like that whole section where Kirstie Alley loudly and proudly talks about how she doesn't want to just be loud and proud. (Uh oh, I think a loud and proud imposter has been writing her Twitter feed! Twitter, check that authorized feed!) Although the part when Kirstie Alley's son says that she doesn't sugar coat anything is just mean, because some lies reveal the painful truth. (Kirstie Alley sugar coats EVERYTHING.)
MTV announced this week that it was officially dropping the "Music Television" tagline from its logo. Fair enough. It has been so long since that network actually aired music videos that there aren't even any good jokes to make about it. "I'm pretty sure the last time they showed a music video on MTV it was the Cave Boys video for "We Started The Fire."" See what I mean? Awful! The new logo is pictured above, and as you can tell, it definitely doesn't say "Music Television" anymore. But, what, are you really just going to have a logo with no tagline?! Let's get these guys a new tagline! How about:
"Remember Room Raiders? That Was Us Television"
or
"Birthplace of Carson Daly"
or
"The M Stands For Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino"
Feel free to suggest your own, but make sure that they are at least as clever and roll off the tongue as well as the examples above. Let's not waste time with this if we're not going to give it 100%.
I saw a picture of Audrey Tatou this morning because she's in a new music video or something, and for a second I wondered if secretly she is a jerk. I'm not saying that Audrey Tatou is a jerk, I'm just saying WHAT IF she is a jerk? She could be a jerk! Who knows! The only reason this is even interesting, of course, is because obviously Audrey Tatou's entire career is built on the perception of her as a Gentle Fairy Waif from Planet Sweetheart, or whatever. But what if THE OPPOSITE WERE TRUE? (Fact: most things that are interesting or curious are just opposites of something else.)
Well, naturally that got me thinking about all kinds of people who seem pretty nice but could secretly be jerks for all we know. Since we don't really have any evidence to go on, this is all purely speculative, but the march of progress cannot be stopped, and as they always say, science will have its pound of flesh (huh?) so after the jump, a super meaningful and irrefutable poll of who we think is secretly a big jerk based on absolutely nothing whatsoever. I guess something about their face, maybe?
Rip Torn's eyes would barely open and his face was a ravaged, haggard, stubbly mess. His chapped lips stuck together, and the pavement had left a red, mottled impression against his cheek. He looked around blearily, barely able to focus...
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
You know, the truth is, I actually like romantic comedies. I am man enough to admit that. We all would love to live in a world of love and friendship and gentle laughter. Why not? You think I want it...
In the future, when the ultra-light telepathic super-mecha, derived from the core technology of the Cybertronics "Real Boys" line of love children, are sifting through the ice wastes for any remnants of the long extinct human race that once created...
Blogging about TV and movies isn't all fun and videogames. Every week, Lindsay or Gabe will be presented with a physical or mental challenge that tests their bravery,patience, and taste.
The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
"Whoa." --Kebanu Roves It is weird that you can't do things normally in New York sometimes. Like, I'm so sorry that I ate an early dinner before going to see Avatar on Friday night the way that a HUMAN BEING...
