After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
You know, the truth is, I actually like romantic comedies. I am man enough to admit that. We all would love to live in a world of love and friendship and gentle laughter. Why not? You think I want it to be all The Hurt Locker all the time? No way! That movie was great, but it was basically a two hour long prescription for Xanax. The problem with romantic comedies, though, is that they are tied with action movie as the genre that Hollywood feels most comfortable phoning in. And when a romantic comedy is lazy and bad, it rewrites the definition of lazy and bad. And when you look up the definition of lazy and bad on your Franklin Portable Electronic Dictionary, there is a streaming video of Serendipity.
OH MY GOD, YOU GUYZ, I HOPE THAT YOU ARE SITTING DOWN AND THAT YOUR POGS ARE SECURED AWAY IN THEIR CARRYING CASE, BECAUSE IF THEY AREN'T, YOU ARE ABOUT TO FREAK OUT SO HARD THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO THOSE POGS IF THEY WERE JUST LYING AROUND. OBVIOUSLY, WE ALL KNOW THAT THE NEWEST TWILIGHT MOVIE, ECLIPSE, IS BEING RELEASED ON JUNE 3OTH AND EVERY NIGHT WE SAY A PRAYER TO GOD THAT WE REMAIN ALIVE UNTIL THAT DAY JUST LONG ENOUGH TO SEE IT. AFTERWARDS HE CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS TO US, AND TAKE US TO HEAVEN, BECAUSE IF WE NEVER GET TO BE WITH ROBERT PATTINSON OR KRISTEN STEWART THAN WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF LIVING IT IS SO UNFAIR, AND I AM REALLY STARTING TO BELIEVE THAT NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO TURN ME INTO AN IMMORTAL ROMANTIC VAMPIRE, BUT I GUESS THE POINT OF LIVING IS THAT WE NEED TO SEE THAT MOVIE BECAUSE OUR HEADS ARE ABOUT TO FALL OFF WE ARE SO EXCITED!
I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOING TO BELIEVE THIS IF I TELL YOU, BUT IT'S TRUE AND I'M GOING TO TELL YOU ANYWAY: AFTER THE JUMP WE HAVE GOT THE FIRST TWO STILL PHOTOS FROM TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE, UM, YEAH, I KNOW.
Rich FourFour has done it again. This is why I hate mirrors!
I'm not joking about the hating mirrors thing, by the way. Like, I know that I am an adult and Dove Soap's target customer, who hates women as much as he loves cars, but, like, OK, um, REAL TALK, at night, if I have to go to the bathroom, I will open the medicine cabinet so that the mirror faces away from me before turning the light on so that I eliminate even the possibility of seeing a monster standing behind me in the reflection. Because, sure, duh, I know that monsters aren't real and that murders actually find that sneaking around and surprising people is inefficient and slows down the enjoyable murdering process, but just in case there is ONE monster, or ONE prank-loving murderer, I just don't need that in my life right now.
In honor of Puppy Bowl VI, we have a very lovable game. Probably should have posted this last week so that you'd be able to play it at your Annual Puppy Bowl party, but hindsight's puppy/puppy. Anyway, this is a great game FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY. It takes only a few moments to learn, but a lifetime to petster. Basically, make movie titles cuter. For example:
The Empire Pets Back Bunny People The Furgotten When Harry Pet Sally Awwwvatar The Truth About Cuter Cats And Cuter Dogs
This game is actually a little harder than it seems at first. Consider it a challenge. ARE YOU CUTE ENOUGH TO CUTE WITH THE BIG DOGS? (Image via BitsAndPieces. Thanks for the tip, Edith.)
Man, I am almost as frustrated as CopperCab that people will not let him get his word out there, because I am so curious what his word is! Here we are, four videos deep, and I keep hearing about this important message of hope and change that he is trying to get across, but then he keeps getting distracted by addressing the haters and never actually says what he wants. I think the problem is just youth. If he were a little bit older, he could attend law school, or at least have a basic grasp of the law, enough to know that everyone does indeed have a right to post videos whenever they want to the point where he can stop arguing about that because it's a firmly established understanding that we as a community share. Unless I am just missing something, and the people telling him to stop making videos are incredibly compelling rhetoricians cleverly manipulating case history to make it seem as if he does not have the right to make videos, in which case I suppose a certain amount of defense (just in case a judge is watching these) is in order.
But as someone who is clearly on Team CopperCab, I would highly recommend that he move away from the consistent use of vague and racist commentary to support his efforts to make a difference. I'm just not sure that complaining about how blacks and Mexicans get to call themselves whatever they want (whatever THAT even MEANS) is the winning strategy. Unless the word that he is trying so hard to get out there without ever getting any of it out there whatsoever is "Gingers can be racist, too." Sustained. (Thanks for the tip, werttrew.)
The ads were kind of weird during the Super Bowl this year, no? Like, for one thing, relax MEN. I'm almost positive that this is America and you can still drive whatever car you want to without making some kind of panicked, misogynistic defense of your encroached-upon, emasculated lifestyle. And also relax Dove soap. Oh, and did anyone else notice how the ads were grouped thematically this year? Like, all of the ads featuring unlikely people getting tackled were shown together, and all the ads featuring men wearing just their underpants were grouped together, and cetra. Just odd is all I am saying.
Speaking of odd, I was more interested in watching Puppy Bowl VI yesterday no duh, since that is where the real action was. (While I'm willing to accept that Jake won Most Valuable Puppy after showing a lot of heart out on the field, clearly Camomile should have at least won some kind of recognition of her INSANELY BEAUTIFUL EYES. Those eyes really gave it their all.) And they showed an ad during the Puppy Bowl that was actually the best ad of the night. It was better than all of the Super Bowl ads.
Rip Torn's eyes would barely open and his face was a ravaged, haggard, stubbly mess. His chapped lips stuck together, and the pavement had left a red, mottled impression against his cheek. He looked around blearily, barely able to focus...
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
You know, the truth is, I actually like romantic comedies. I am man enough to admit that. We all would love to live in a world of love and friendship and gentle laughter. Why not? You think I want it...
In the future, when the ultra-light telepathic super-mecha, derived from the core technology of the Cybertronics "Real Boys" line of love children, are sifting through the ice wastes for any remnants of the long extinct human race that once created...
Blogging about TV and movies isn't all fun and videogames. Every week, Lindsay or Gabe will be presented with a physical or mental challenge that tests their bravery,patience, and taste.
The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
"Whoa." --Kebanu Roves It is weird that you can't do things normally in New York sometimes. Like, I'm so sorry that I ate an early dinner before going to see Avatar on Friday night the way that a HUMAN BEING...
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
