There are a number of ways in which Gwyneth Paltrow is terrible. There is her self-satisfaction and her condescension and her choices in baby names and Tracy Anderson and her lifestyle newsletter and…   Read Story »

Am I missing something? Is every single last jail cell in America full? Is that the problem? Because let me tell you something: WE CAN SOLVE THAT PROBLEM. The solution is called: put Ke$ha on a trash…   Read Story »

The Internet will continue to sit quietly and wait for an apology from whoever did this.   Read Story »

"A lot of people think that if they could mix and match characteristics and traits from all of their previous relationships, just cherry pick their favorite things about each person that they've been…   Read Story »

It is human nature to love a fight, and the combination of telephones with cameras inside of them and the Internet has made fights easier to see than ever before. Gone are the days of waiting for the…   Read Story »

Look, I'm as aware as anyone of the importance of finding something in this world that makes you happy. It's the only way to stay afloat! And if your girlfriend wants to fill the apartment that the…   Read Story »

Look, kids are adorable and say the darndest things and they are our future, or whatever, and when they grow up they're all going to be a firetruck. But there's also the other side of the whole kid…   Read Story »

It has long been believed that the world would end in 2012, but new information suggests that the world might end as early as whenever the fuck this new show called Bridalplasty on E! is coming out.…   Read Story »

Fortunately, there is still time to chop your head off and sink it to the bottom of Whoops Ocean. Just put some rocks in your mouth!   Read Story »

I've got some good news, and I've got some bad news. The bad news is that summer is almost over, and you know what that means: back to school, where no one even knows ANYTHING. Teachers are the…   Read Story »