Looking good, girl! Looking great. I think the best part about tattoos is how they are FOREVER. No one can take this tattoo away from you now. So smart. Right under this tattoo you should get another…   Read Story »

It must be weird for you that your girlfriend is married to another man, but then again, she is 16 and her husband is 51, and also she's a Lizard-Faced Garbage Robot, so the fact that she is also…   Read Story »

A lot of times we have fun with these "that's your girlfriend" videos but this time we are not having fun, this is just straight up an actual video of your girlfriend for real. You date her.…   Read Story »

Sometimes you guys talk about taking the plunge and moving in together, but it always ends in a stalemate. Felice doesn't want to give up her 0-square-foot "apartment," and you don't want to…   Read Story »

"As I've gotten older and had more life experience, I've come to really appreciate older women. They have a sophistication and an elegance that younger women simply lack. It's not younger women's…   Read Story »

"I'm kind of old fashioned. Like, I wouldn't mind having a wife at home whose job was just to take care of the house and the kids, and pursue whatever kind of hobbies or personal interests that…   Read Story »

"One thing that I'm definitely looking for in a girlfriend is a woman who knows how to support herself. I'm not saying that if things get serious and we start to build a life together that we won't…   Read Story »

"I wouldn't say that I have a type, exactly. I've dated all kinds of women, at least as far as looks are concerned. For me, what's most important is what's inside. I know that sounds kind of cliche,…   Read Story »

"Look, there's no easy way to say this, but I think we should break up. I know. I'm sorry. What? Oh come on, your dad never liked me that much anyway, I don't think he's going to be that upset that…   Read Story »

Did you know there are multiple televised interviews with your hand model girlfriend Ellen Sirot and that she's successively worse in each one that you watch? It doesn't matter what order. She's also…   Read Story »