"If I am a pancake for you, you give me a time and a plate. I give you a five-minute window, any syrup happens in that five minutes and I'm yours no matter what. I don't sit in while you're pouring…   Read Story »

OH I'M SO PISSED! Here we are, up to our necks in egg nog season, and still my grocery store has ZERO egg nog on the shelves. WHY DON'T I JUST KILL MYSELF? Seriously, though, what am I missing here?…   Read Story »

Michael Phelps is an American champion who has made sports history, and nothing can take that away from him. NOT THAT HE HASN'T BEEN TRYING. But in the case of his new Subway commercial, I'm not even…   Read Story »