Duh Aficionado Magazine: Kristin Cavallari Is Not Larry David

The MTV show The Hills is fake. Everyone knows that. But up until recently, it was mostly a poorly kept secret. For the sake of the show's razor-thin watchability, the pretense of reality was maintained. But with the new season... CONTINUE READING DUH AFICIONADO MAGAZINE: KRISTIN CAVALLARI IS NOT LARRY DAVID»

The Hills Season 6: We're Gonna Need A Bigger ))<>((

Trailer for season 6 of The Hills, you guys: It's hard to figure out what Kristin Cavallari says in the part that's bleeped out. "You [bleeped] with the wrong girl, dude." Hmmm. "You have devoted an unreasonable amount of your... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS SEASON 6: WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER ))<>((»

Goodbye To All Of That

The Hills ended last Sunday with a one hour finale in which Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were married, Lauren Conrad "quit" her "job," and Kristen Cavallari showed up as if somehow we were supposed to believe that was a... CONTINUE READING GOODBYE TO ALL OF THAT»

The Hills: Fuck This Show In The Face Until It Dies (Season Finale)

Spencer has changed. Says Spencer. He has breakfast with Heidi's long suffering mom, Darlene, and explains that he's been going to therapy. He's already done the early-20's "sleazy guy thing," he tells the mother of his future wife. But he's... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: FUCK THIS SHOW IN THE FACE UNTIL IT DIES (SEASON FINALE)»

Paris Hilton Is Professor The Hills Over Here

Paris Hilton thinks that The Hills is "lame" and "fake," two things about which she is an EXPERT (Zings Are Blind). From US Weekly: Paris Hilton says her beau Doug Reinhardt won't be appearing on MTV's The Hills again. "The... CONTINUE READING PARIS HILTON IS PROFESSOR THE HILLS OVER HERE»

Posted on May 28, 2009 in Everyone's A Critic (9 comments)
Tags: Doug Reinhardt | Paris Hilton | Paris Hilton's | The Hills

The Hills: Lauren Conrad's Penultimate Attempt At Relevance

Heidi is getting married. To Spencer. Our great national nightmare is almost at its end, just as the long, personal nightmare of the Pratts enters a new phase. Spencer has won the approval of Heidi's "cowboy" father, who has agreed... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: LAUREN CONRAD'S PENULTIMATE ATTEMPT AT RELEVANCE»

The Beautiful Life: Does The World Need Another Show About Models? (No.)

Have you ever wished you could see what goes on behind the scenes in the world of modeling or high fashion? Well, you must be a very entertained person, then, because almost every show on TV gives you that! ANTM,... CONTINUE READING THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE: DOES THE WORLD NEED ANOTHER SHOW ABOUT MODELS? (NO.)»

The Hills: She'll Always Be Daddy's Little Plastic Faced Sadness Monster

Heidi's dad, no her REAL dad, is coming to visit. And he's bringing his guns. That is what she tells Spencer. "I wouldn't be surprised if he brings his gun." Really? I would. He could be the guy from the... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: SHE'LL ALWAYS BE DADDY'S LITTLE PLASTIC FACED SADNESS MONSTER»

Posted on May 19, 2009 in Hate-Watching (8 comments)
Tags: Audrina Patridge | Heidi Montag | Lauren Conrad | Spencer Pratt | The Hills

Lauren Conrad Is A Terrible Writer

Last September 11th, while the nation was never forgetting, Lauren Conrad announced that she had signed a book deal. WILL THE HORRORS NEVER CEASE? Today, People magazine has an exclusive look at an excerpt from Conrad's first young adult novel... CONTINUE READING LAUREN CONRAD IS A TERRIBLE WRITER»

Posted on May 18, 2009 in Where Are They Now? (11 comments)
Tags: Books | Lauren Conrad | The Hills

Let's All Pitch In And Have A Spencer Pratt Pizza Party (Or Not)

Spencer Pratt is a goat genius, so he knows all about the importance of viral marketing, which is why he is getting the word out there about Heidi Montag Pratt's "music" with an offer that we almost cannot refuse (The... CONTINUE READING LET'S ALL PITCH IN AND HAVE A SPENCER PRATT PIZZA PARTY (OR NOT)»

Posted on May 15, 2009 in Free Advertising (15 comments)
Tags: Heidi Montag | Pizza | Spencer Pratt | The Hills | Vampire Weekend

The Hills: In This Economy, It's Tough To Find Pretend Work

The economic crisis is affecting everyone. Why, just the other day, there were a bunch of imaginary layoffs at the imaginary company where Audrina Patridge pretends to work, and she was like "OMG, I can hardly make-believe it." She had... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: IN THIS ECONOMY, IT'S TOUGH TO FIND PRETEND WORK»

The Hills: Audrina Patridge And Audrina Hyde

Since Lauren Conrad has said that this is her last season of The Hills, but because MTV has already announced that they're going ahead with a sixth, Lauren-free season, you can see how the producers are already trying to ween... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: AUDRINA PATRIDGE AND AUDRINA HYDE»

Heidi Montag's Music Is The New Bloody Gums

I think it's happening, you guys. The terribleness of Heidi Montag's "music" has gone from virtually unbearable to somehow...pleasurable. It's not that the music has gotten any better. It still sounds like a drunken karaoke singer with terrible taste in... CONTINUE READING HEIDI MONTAG'S MUSIC IS THE NEW BLOODY GUMS»

Posted on April 29, 2009 in Music Related Content, Reality TV (42 comments)
Tags: Girl Talk | Heidi Montag | The Hills

MTV Renews A Dead Horse

MTV has confirmed that they will be moving forward with a a sixth season of The Hills without Lauren Conrad. Videogum has confirmed that it will not be moving forward with a sixth season of The Hills without Lauren Conrad.... CONTINUE READING MTV RENEWS A DEAD HORSE»

The Hills: God, Please Take Me Now

Heidi and Spencer got married last weekend. I suppose one could imagine a reality in which The Hills is like a documentary about the Civil War. Sure, you know how it's going to end, but there is so much to... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: GOD, PLEASE TAKE ME NOW»

The Heidi And Spencer Green Screen Challenge

Here are some set images (via JustJared) of Heidi and Spencer shooting promos for the upcoming season of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. So the good news is that you definitely don't have to watch this... CONTINUE READING THE HEIDI AND SPENCER GREEN SCREEN CHALLENGE»

Posted on April 24, 2009 in Fan Art (47 comments)
Tags: Heidi Montag | I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! | Spencer Pratt | The Hills

Lauren Conrad Defies No Expectations

Oh man. Remember how Lauren Conrad is going to be animated into an episode of Family Guy? You remember. There was that day where you kept barfing after hearing that Lauren Conrad is going to be animated into an episode... CONTINUE READING LAUREN CONRAD DEFIES NO EXPECTATIONS»

Posted on April 22, 2009 in Behind The Scenes, Cameos, Cartoons (9 comments)
Tags: Acting! | Family Guy | Lauren Conrad | The Hills

The Hills: "I Feel Like I'm In A Nightmare"

It seems fair to assume that when The Hills first started, the system for creating (and when necessary, recreating) dramatic conflict or narrative arcs was already well established, and while it got more refined over time it is not a... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: "I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A NIGHTMARE"»

The Hills: The Devil Wears People's Revolution

I'm tired. Watching this show is like carrying a dead body over rocky terrain. Not that I have any idea what that's like, and I'd be happy to never actually compare the two experiences. But it's so much useless weight,... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: THE DEVIL WEARS PEOPLE'S REVOLUTION»

Worlds Been Had Colliding: Lauren Conrad On Family Guy Edition

Two wrongs make a superwrong. Lauren Conrad is going to be animated into an episode of Family Guy. Ugh. It's going to be just like the Thomas Pynchon episode of The Simpsons, except instead of being surprising, inventive, and funny,... CONTINUE READING WORLDS BEEN HAD COLLIDING: LAUREN CONRAD ON FAMILY GUY EDITION»

Posted on April 13, 2009 in Cameos, Cartoons (13 comments)
Tags: Family Guy | Lauren Conrad | Seth MacFarlane | The Hills

Heidi And Spencer To Officially Prepare The Way For Their Inevitable Divorce

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are getting married. Smart. And for real this time, too. From E!: E! News has learned exclusively that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are set to tie the knot on Saturday, April 25, in an... CONTINUE READING HEIDI AND SPENCER TO OFFICIALLY PREPARE THE WAY FOR THEIR INEVITABLE DIVORCE»

Posted on April 10, 2009 in Behind The Scenes, Reality TV, Wait For It... (6 comments)
Tags: Heidi Montag | Spencer Pratt | The Hills

The Hills: What Doesn't Kill You Almost Kills You

Here we are again, you guys. Standing at the foot of Mount Doom in the heart of Mordor. The only thing wearier than our legs is our hearts. We are unsure if we have what it takes to scale this... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU ALMOST KILLS YOU»

Lauren Conrad Is Leaving The Hills Or: "Too Little, Too Latte"

The good news is that Lauren Conrad has told Seventeen magazine that she is going to quit The Hills after this season. Yessssss! That show can't go on without LC can it? Oh God, can it? The Hills is like... CONTINUE READING LAUREN CONRAD IS LEAVING THE HILLS OR: "TOO LITTLE, TOO LATTE"»

Posted on February 25, 2009 in Interviews (3 comments)
Tags: Finally | Lauren Conrad | The Hills

The Hills Season 5: Really? We're Actually Doing This?

The Hills season 5 preview trailer (via I'mNotObsessed), you guys: No. Since the season 4 finale in December, Barack Obama was sworn in as President, the economy spiraled out of control, and Eastbound and Down changed the television landscape. The... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS SEASON 5: REALLY? WE'RE ACTUALLY DOING THIS?»

Maybe We Should Be Watching The City

Whitney Port's Hills spin-off The City is so painfully contrived and boring and stupid and annoying that we have decided not to watch it. I don't mean "we" in the blog-standard royal "we" as a coy stand-in for "I" definition... CONTINUE READING MAYBE WE SHOULD BE WATCHING THE CITY»