True Blood: Season 2 Finale

You know, now that it's over, I think I'm actually going to miss this show. It is terrible, yes, and completely coconuts, and the rules change from one episode to the next. But, it kind of grew on me, like... CONTINUE READING TRUE BLOOD: SEASON 2 FINALE»

Posted on September 14, 2009 in Soap Operas (32 comments)
Tags: Alan Ball | Anna Paquin | Stephen Moyer | True Blood | Vampires

True Blood: This Show Would Be Off The Rails, If It'd Had Any In The First Place

Vampire Bill goes to see the Vampire Queen, who is played by Evan Rachel Wood. She is either a terrible actress, or a great actress who is using all of her talent to match the tone of this terrible show.... CONTINUE READING TRUE BLOOD: THIS SHOW WOULD BE OFF THE RAILS, IF IT'D HAD ANY IN THE FIRST PLACE»

Posted on August 31, 2009 in Hate-Watching (35 comments)
Tags: Alan Ball | Anna Paquin | Stephen Moyer | True Blood | Vampires

True Blood: Stick A Fork In This, It's Dumb

At a certain point this season, I was momentarily won over by this show. I'm not afraid to admit that. It was just as ridiculous as always, but there was something endearing in how bad it was. You wanted to... CONTINUE READING TRUE BLOOD: STICK A FORK IN THIS, IT'S DUMB»

True Blood: Poor Vampires, Boo Hoo, So Sad

CLIFFHANGER! At the end of last week's episode, Jason Stackhouse's former friend/rival from the Fellowship of the Sun, Duke? Brady? Troy? storms into the mid-century modern Dallas "hive" and reveals himself to be strapped with explosives and also fine jewelry.... CONTINUE READING TRUE BLOOD: POOR VAMPIRES, BOO HOO, SO SAD»

True Blood: A Bull In A Dress With Claws

At one point in last night's episode, Marianne uses her blood sugar sex magic to make Tara and Eggs (haha! Eggs!) devour a "hunter's souffle," that was made with Daphne's heart. Yuck, but OK. Then she makes Tara and Eggs... CONTINUE READING TRUE BLOOD: A BULL IN A DRESS WITH CLAWS»

Posted on August 10, 2009 in Soap Operas (61 comments)
Tags: Alan Ball | Anna Paquin | Stephen Moyer | True Blood | Vampires

True Blood: The Bleeds Have Begun, Indeed

Sam is about to get MURDERED! He stumbled into the wrong bacchanalian field orgy. Marianne puts on her bull costume and asks for the ceremonial murderin' knife, which is handed to her on a platter, as is the custom, and... CONTINUE READING TRUE BLOOD: THE BLEEDS HAVE BEGUN, INDEED»

Posted on August 3, 2009 in Soap Operas (40 comments)
Tags: Alan Ball | Anna Paquin | Stephen Moyer | True Blood | Vampires

True Blood: Same Blood, Different Day

There is a new lady vampire. Perfect. One thing that this show has been sorely lacking is an over-abundance of characters and too few plotlines. Vampire Eric called her to make her try and fuck Vampire Bill because Vampire Eric... CONTINUE READING TRUE BLOOD: SAME BLOOD, DIFFERENT DAY»

True Blood: It's Only A Matter Of Time Before This Show Has A Swamp Thing

Daphne is a baby deer! Her and Sam start making out because JUNGLE FEVER. (There are a lot of puppies and tiny little deer in the jungle, you need to look that up.) But then they get interrupted by Terry... CONTINUE READING TRUE BLOOD: IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THIS SHOW HAS A SWAMP THING»

Posted on July 20, 2009 in Soap Operas (37 comments)
Tags: Alan Ball | Anna Paquin | Stephen Moyer | True Blood | Vampires

True Blood: Werewolf Bar Mitzvah, Basically

OK, so two weeks ago Sookie got scratched by Pan's Labyrinth and Bill took her to Fangtasia, which I guess is also basically a Vampire Hospital. She got healed by Eric's blood, because Eric's blood is the best blood, or... CONTINUE READING TRUE BLOOD: WEREWOLF BAR MITZVAH, BASICALLY»

Posted on July 14, 2009 in Hate-Watching (54 comments)
Tags: Alan Ball | Anna Paquin | Stephen Moyer | True Blood | Vamires

True Blood: Vampires Be Shoppin'!

Vampire Eric ate that redneck. He screamed a lot and he ate him. For us, this is a gruesome scary murder, down in the Saw basement, but for Vampire Eric it is a snack, right? What's with all the screaming?... CONTINUE READING TRUE BLOOD: VAMPIRES BE SHOPPIN'!»

Posted on June 22, 2009 in Hate-Watching (37 comments)
Tags: Alan Ball | Anna Paquin | Stephen Moyer | True Blood | Vampires

True Blood: Welcome Back To The Worst Show On Television

Oh wow. I'm not sure how they managed to pull it off, but the second season of True Blood looks like it's going to be EVEN WORSE than the first season, and the first season was VERY, VERY BAD. The... CONTINUE READING TRUE BLOOD: WELCOME BACK TO THE WORST SHOW ON TELEVISION»

True Blood Season 2: Now With Worse Accents!

Here's a special preview clip from the upcoming second season of True Blood (June 14 on HBO), you guys: Man, I forgot about those accents. Did they somehow get worse? I think they got worse. This clip is bringing back... CONTINUE READING TRUE BLOOD SEASON 2: NOW WITH WORSE ACCENTS!»

Posted on April 21, 2009 in Hate-Watching, Wait For It... (17 comments)
Tags: Alan Ball | Anna Paquin | Stephen Moyer | True Blood | Vampires

True Blood: Worst. Deus Ex Machina. Ever.

Oh, True Blood. Like many shows, each week usually ends with some kind of dramatic cliff-hanger, and like many shows, that dramatic cliff-hanger is quickly, unceremoniously, and anti-climactically resolved within the first five minutes of the next episode. It's a... CONTINUE READING TRUE BLOOD: WORST. DEUS EX MACHINA. EVER.»

Posted on October 27, 2008 in Hate-Watching (31 comments)
Tags: Alan Ball | Anna Paquin | Stephen Moyer | True Blood

Can The True Blood Metaphor Get Any More Fucked Up?

We all get that True Blood is supposed to be some sort of thinly (not so thinly) coded metaphor. In general, vampires represent "the Other," and in this show they seem particularly tied to the homosexual community. Between the Fred... CONTINUE READING CAN THE TRUE BLOOD METAPHOR GET ANY MORE FUCKED UP?»

Posted on September 22, 2008 in Everyone's A Critic (21 comments)
Tags: Alan Ball | Stephen Moyer | True Blood