The Hills: Here We Go Again

So, we pick up where we left off, which isn't saying a lot because REAL TALK, The Hills has been treading water since season 2. Heidi and Lauren suffering a venomous rupture of their friendship is drama. Heidi and Lauren... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: HERE WE GO AGAIN»

9 Predictions For Tonight's Season Premiere Of The Hills

Season 4 of The Hills begins tonight, reuniting us with LC, Heidi, Audrina, and the rest of Goof Troop. The show has been on hiatus for three months, which means almost anything could have happened and almost nothing will have... CONTINUE READING 9 PREDICTIONS FOR TONIGHT'S SEASON PREMIERE OF THE HILLS»

Exclusive: A Look At The Hills "Scheduled Reality" Production Calendar

This week's Entertainment Weekly features a cover story on The Hills, featuring a sneak preview of season 4 (SPOILER ALERT, it's the barfiest season yet!), and behind the scenes looks at stuff like Lauren's awkward barbecue with her ex-boyfriend Doug... CONTINUE READING EXCLUSIVE: A LOOK AT THE HILLS "SCHEDULED REALITY" PRODUCTION CALENDAR»

Choosing Your New Lower Back Tattoo Based On The Next Season Of The Hills

Here's a new preview of The Hills, you guys. It's got tons of great ideas for your ink. (Gross. Everyone who actually says "ink" like that in real life should get a tattoo of prison bars on their face.) Here... CONTINUE READING CHOOSING YOUR NEW LOWER BACK TATTOO BASED ON THE NEXT SEASON OF THE HILLS»

Posted on July 22, 2008 in Soap Operas (4 comments)
Tags: Audrina Patridge | Heidi Montag | Lauren Conrad | Spencer Pratt | The Hills

The 10 Saddest Ways To Die

Heidi and Spencer are buying weapons: [Heidi and Spencer] are working on their firearms skills with a personal instructor who went over shooting skills, close combat, tactical, and defense weapons training. Heidi and Spencer came with their own personal arsenal... CONTINUE READING THE 10 SADDEST WAYS TO DIE»

Posted on July 10, 2008 in Behind The Scenes (8 comments)
Tags: Guns | Heidi Montag | Spencer Pratt

Spencer Pratt's The Man For What?

Spencer Pratt was on Letterman on Friday, and Heidi waited from the green room. Watch as David Letterman's grasp on the world he lives in slips momentarily, but DON'T WORRY, he recovers it, and then he makes with the busting... CONTINUE READING SPENCER PRATT'S THE MAN FOR WHAT?»

Posted on June 16, 2008 in Late Night (1 comments)
Tags: David Letterman | Heidi Montag | Spencer Pratt

Friday Fight: How Great Are Heidi And Spencer, You Guys?

gabe: heidi and spencer are hilarious lindsay: they're hilariously ridiculous, but they should be stopped. gabe: they will be stopped gabe: by the angel of death gabe: he spares no one lindsay: They should be stopped by the angel of... CONTINUE READING FRIDAY FIGHT: HOW GREAT ARE HEIDI AND SPENCER, YOU GUYS?»

Posted on June 6, 2008 in Friday Fight (7 comments)
Tags: Heidi Montag | Spencer Pratt | The Hills

Heidi And Spencer Are Smirking And Breaking Up All The Way To The Bank

I was having an argument about Heidi and Spencer the other day (obviously, and nullus) in which a friend proposed that they were the worst and did not deserve any attention and that it made this friend sad to hear... CONTINUE READING HEIDI AND SPENCER ARE SMIRKING AND BREAKING UP ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK»

Posted on June 5, 2008 in Behind The Scenes (0 comments)
Tags: C.R.E.A.M. | Heidi Montag | Spencer Pratt

Connect To Your Assholes, And Your Assholes' Assholes

The new season of The Hills doesn't start until August, but that doesn't mean you can't keep track of everyone's (least) favorite Hollywood Power Saddest Couple Of Emotional Corpses, Plastic Face and Goat Beard, via their new SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE?... CONTINUE READING CONNECT TO YOUR ASSHOLES, AND YOUR ASSHOLES' ASSHOLES»

Posted on June 3, 2008 in Bad Idea Jeans (4 comments)
Tags: Heidi Montag | National Failures | Speidiweb | Spencer Pratt | The Hills

The Hills Season Finale: Who Will Be Written Into The Telenovela Of Life?

Last night's season finale of The Hills was really difficult to watch. I just can't willfully suspend my disbelief anymore. Let's take the Las Vegas scene for an example. Heidi is having a meeting with her bosses who have inexplicably... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS SEASON FINALE: WHO WILL BE WRITTEN INTO THE TELENOVELA OF LIFE?»

The Hills: Even Gollum Was Once Smeagol

Here is a clip from the season finale of The Hills. SPOILER ALERT you're welcome. Did they shoot this on a Walkman? You can always tell when it's getting "real" on this show because it suddenly stops looking like a... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: EVEN GOLLUM WAS ONCE SMEAGOL»

The Hills Is Going Rapidly Downhills

On last night's fake episode of The fake Hills, there was barely any Spencer magic. He told fake Stephanie that he was going to fake move out after she fake yelled at him in a fake mad voice about fake... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS IS GOING RAPIDLY DOWNHILLS»

The World Works On Haters Now

The four girls from The Hills (Lauren, Heidi, Audrina, and Whitney) are on the cover of the new Rolling Stone. There's an excerpt from the accompanying article on-line, which gives you the dirt on ... the photo-shoot for the cover.... CONTINUE READING THE WORLD WORKS ON HATERS NOW»

Spencer Is Not The Only Prat

It is good to see that as print media falls into Whoops Ocean, there will still be a resource for self-improvement. At least if the way you want to improve yourself is to become more and more of a manipulative,... CONTINUE READING SPENCER IS NOT THE ONLY PRAT»

Posted on April 29, 2008 in Reality TV (0 comments)
Tags: Modern Misogyny | Paradise Hotel 2 | Spencer Pratt

Well, This Didn't Happen: The Spencer Pratt Show

If I were to ask you if you thought that Spencer Pratt hung out all the time in a coffee shop called Karma Coffehouse, that was completely empty, just sitting on a couch drinking a bottled water and texting on... CONTINUE READING WELL, THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN: THE SPENCER PRATT SHOW»

Posted on April 29, 2008 in Teen Soap Operas (1 comments)
Tags: Heidi Montag | Lauren Conrad | Spencer Pratt | Stephanie Pratt | The Hills

Who Do You Want Answering The Blackberry Text At 3AM?

By now, we've all heard how Heidi and Spencer went to the White House Correspondents Dinner despite earlier reports that they'd turned down MSNBC's offer (they ended up at Fortune's table). That's the news I'm using as an excuse to... CONTINUE READING WHO DO YOU WANT ANSWERING THE BLACKBERRY TEXT AT 3AM?»

Posted on April 28, 2008 in Politics (1 comments)
Tags: Election 2008 | Heidi Montag | Idiocracy | Spencer Pratt

The Spencer Pratt Show Barely Manages To Squeak In Some Spencer Pratt

Hate him or hate him, Spencer Pratt is the only reason The Hills is still on the air. Everyone else is treading water. Do we really care whether Lauren and Lo move into a house together? WTF? Unless Lauren gets... CONTINUE READING THE SPENCER PRATT SHOW BARELY MANAGES TO SQUEAK IN SOME SPENCER PRATT»

Posted on April 22, 2008 in Hate-Watching, Reality TV (0 comments)
Tags: Audrina Patridge | Heidi Montag | Lauren Conrad | Spencer Pratt | The Hills

The Spencer Pratt Show: Bizarro Alterverse

Now that we've cut the shit about pretending like watching The Hills validates our over-priced college educations, it's nice to just be able to fast forward all the salad eating (Is there more salad eating in this season than ever... CONTINUE READING THE SPENCER PRATT SHOW: BIZARRO ALTERVERSE»

Posted on April 15, 2008 in Soap Operas (4 comments)
Tags: Andrew W.K. | Heidi Montag | Spencer Pratt | The Hills

Did You Watch Last Night's The Spencer Pratt Show?

We're all smart here, right? Smart enough? So can we cut the shit with The Hills already? It was cool last season for smart-ish people (and myself) to come up with elaborate college reasons for why it was OK to... CONTINUE READING DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT'S THE SPENCER PRATT SHOW?»

Heidi Montag's Parents Just Don't Understand

As someone who has championed The Hills to many of his skeptical Dinosaur Jr. friends, last night's season 4 premiere made me more than a little nervous. Whoops, sorry guys. I'm sure once Lauren and Whitney get back from Paris,... CONTINUE READING HEIDI MONTAG'S PARENTS JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND»