Gossip Girl: Dan And Serena Should Lose Their Suicide Virginity Together

Now that Thanksgiving is out of the way it's going to be a headlong rush through the holiday season and basically it's already 2009. But before we kiss 2008 goodbye forever, since this is such a forgettable year with absolutely... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: DAN AND SERENA SHOULD LOSE THEIR SUICIDE VIRGINITY TOGETHER»

Gossip Girl: Be Thankful I Don't Talk About Serena And Aaron Rose

It's Thanksgiving! As the episode opens we're told that while for most people Thanksgiving is a holiday where families come together and give thanks, on the Upper East Side it returns to its roots of lying, manipulation, and betrayal. POLITICAL.... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: BE THANKFUL I DON'T TALK ABOUT SERENA AND AARON ROSE»

Gossip Girl: Dan And Jenny Humphrey Are Two Garbage Peas In A Vomit Pod

When Jenny Humphrey ran away last week it was very exciting. Unlike throwing your sweet sixteen-and-a-half at 1Oak or stealing all of Bart Bass's Ferragamo loafers as a goof, teenagers running away from home can have very dire consequences. Maybe... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: DAN AND JENNY HUMPHREY ARE TWO GARBAGE PEAS IN A VOMIT POD»

New Gossip Girl Posters Will Not Piss Off Your Parents

Remember the original ads for season 2 of Gossip Girl that showed two kids fucking Like Water for Chocolate style with a salacious quote like "Your Mom's Going To Barf," or "This Show Will Fuck Your Mouth"? Well there's a... CONTINUE READING NEW GOSSIP GIRL POSTERS WILL NOT PISS OFF YOUR PARENTS»

Gossip Girl: Jenny Humphrey Takes The Fashion World By Stupid

OK, so last week Jenny Humphrey quit her job with Eleanor Waldorf and decided to start her own fashion line, and as this week's episode opens Jenny is just putting the finishing touches on a final dress. What? I'm not... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: JENNY HUMPHREY TAKES THE FASHION WORLD BY STUPID»

Gossip Girl: Blair Has An Itch That Only Chuck Can Have Sex With

We open this week on Blair masturbating. Haha. That sentence. We open this week on Blair masturbating. OK! Dorata, her maid, catches her and tells her that God is always watching. Um, shut up, Dorata. Considering the fact that this... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: BLAIR HAS AN ITCH THAT ONLY CHUCK CAN HAVE SEX WITH»

Gossip Girl: Serena Should Be Given Up For Adoption

Bart Bass is back from Billionaire Island or whatever, so it's time for the Basses and the Van Der Woodsens to become a family. Because Lilly and Bart got married last spring, and you know the rule about when both... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: SERENA SHOULD BE GIVEN UP FOR ADOPTION»

Blake Lively And Penn Badgley Need To Chill With The Thinking They Know Stuff

Another day, another misguided get out the vote campaign. This time, it's Penn Badgley and Blake Lively, along with a bunch of people I don't recognize, playing the old "parents, we need to have a talk" game. First of all,... CONTINUE READING BLAKE LIVELY AND PENN BADGLEY NEED TO CHILL WITH THE THINKING THEY KNOW STUFF»

Gossip Girl: Yale Ready For This

This week's episode opens with a dream sequence. It's basically My Fair Lady, with Blair as Eliza Doolittle taking diction lessons from Henry Higgins, who we will later recognize as the dean of Yale, and then Serena walks in and... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: YALE READY FOR THIS»

Gossip Girl: Charlie Trout, Don Grumphrey, Clair Waldorn, And Selena Ban Der Foodsen Go To Fashion Week

It's Fashion Week! This is obviously a show about high school because the most important thing to remember is IT'S FASHION WEEK. I remember when I was in high school every fall it was like "Ugh, isn't western civ over... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: CHARLIE TROUT, DON GRUMPHREY, CLAIR WALDORN, AND SELENA BAN DER FOODSEN GO TO FASHION WEEK»

Gossip Girl: Looks Like The Chuck Bass Has Become The Master

It's the first day back to school, so you know what that means! Actually, I thought I knew what that meant, but I clearly don't. Within the first five minutes of the show both Serena and Jenny Humphrey suggest to... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: LOOKS LIKE THE CHUCK BASS HAS BECOME THE MASTER»

Gossip Girl: Our National Dan And Serena Nightmare Comes To An End

It's still summer in New York City, according to Gossip Girl. It's 102 degrees! Everyone is so sweaty! Things pick up where they left off last week. Nate is apologizing to Vanessa for standing her up last week but also... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: OUR NATIONAL DAN AND SERENA NIGHTMARE COMES TO AN END»

Gossip Girl: With Parents Like These, Who Needs Children

Picking up where we left off last week, the children are all in the Hamptons, but summer is winding down and it's time to return to the big city. Dan and Serena wake up on a beach after fucking all... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: WITH PARENTS LIKE THESE, WHO NEEDS CHILDREN»

Gossip Girl: And Here We...Go

Just in time! Last night, I watched the season 1 finale of Gossip Girl right before season 2 began. I did it! Success! I win/lose! So, after Dan broke up with Serena and Chuck left Blair waiting on the helipad... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: AND HERE WE...GO»

SPOILER ALERT: Gossip Girl Season 2 Promos

I'm one third of the way through season 1 of Gossip Girl, so please don't ruin it for me by saying whether or not everyone keeps being so one-dimensional and predictable. And NO SPOILERS about what East Village restaurant or... CONTINUE READING SPOILER ALERT: GOSSIP GIRL SEASON 2 PROMOS»