"You can put this on one of those wacko websites." Ugh. Do I come down to your work and slap the shark with a penis in its mouth out of your mouth? It's not my fault that I haven't... CONTINUE READING IT'S A SHARK WITH A PENIS IN ITS MOUTH KIND OF DAY»
Posted on August 25, 2009 in Cute As Balls
(57 comments)
Tags: Florida | Penises | Sharks
Ashton Kutcher's Spread trailer, you guys: Whoa. After seeing the Spread poster I thought that the movie looked awful, but it turns out I had no idea. What an awful, AWFUL looking movie. Yuck. And, the official description of the... CONTINUE READING UM, WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THESE MALE HOOKERS ALL OVER THE PLACE?»
Posted on June 25, 2009 in Trailer, What America Wants
(42 comments)
Tags: Anne Heche | Ashton Kutcher | Hung | Penises | Sex | Spread | Thomas Jane
Michael Bay opened his walk-in bomber jacket closet and looked at the endless racks of bomber jackets. "What'll it be, Chief?" he said to himself. He picked out a dark bomber jacket with crackled leather and put it on. Michael... CONTINUE READING YOU CAN MAKE IT UP: MICHAEL BAY HAS A BRAINSTORMING SESSION»
Posted on June 18, 2009 in You Can Make It Up
(25 comments)
Tags: Michael Bay | Penises | Transformers 2
Early reviews of Transformers 2 have been coming out all week, and it seems almost unanimous that this is probably if not the best movie ever made, then at least the most thoughtful and intelligent. Variety gave it four Tweed... CONTINUE READING NICE TRY, MICHAEL BAY»
Posted on June 17, 2009 in Everyone's A Critic, Spoilers
(38 comments)
Tags: Megan Fox | Michael Bay | Penises | Robots | Shia LaBeouf | Transformers 2
Needless to say, your penis enlargement system is NSFW. TRULY. You know a penis enlargement system is super pro when it comes with a CD ROM. Kiss your concerns of this being a dangerous, hackneyed scam preying on male insecurity... CONTINUE READING THAT'S YOUR PENIS ENLARGEMENT SYSTEM: THE PRO-EXTENDER»
Posted on June 5, 2009 in Dream Merch
(28 comments)
Tags: Penis Enlargement | Penises | The Pro-Extender
Gross, Gillette. It's one thing when Kyan Douglas encourages guys to do a little "manscaping," because it's 2002 and America is just getting over SEPTEMBER 11TH by taking better care of ourselves, but you guys aren't talking about gentle... CONTINUE READING GILLETTE TRIES TO CORNER THE DOUCHEBAG MARKET»
Posted on May 27, 2009 in Free Advertising
(45 comments)
Tags: Douchebags | Ed Hardy Wine | Gillette | Penises | Vampire Weekend
HBO has a new show coming out called Hung about a school teacher who becomes a prostitute. It is supposed to be quirky and lightly comic. Well that just sounds awful. Here is the trailer, you guys. SPOILER ALERT: it... CONTINUE READING WHAT MISERABLE PUN WILL ALL THE HUNG REVIEW HEADLINES USE?»
Posted on May 27, 2009 in New TV Shows
(37 comments)
Tags: Alexander Payne | Hung | Penises | Thomas Jane
The dim, cinder block hallway of the community college's Davidson Building was a sickly medicinal green with yellow-faded linoleum floors, and fluorescent lights that gave off a faint but insistent hum. McG's leather pants and well-greased goatee reflected the insufficient... CONTINUE READING YOU CAN MAKE IT UP: MCG, AN ADULT, ATTENDS AN ENGLISH CLASS»
Posted on May 14, 2009 in You Can Make It Up
(12 comments)
Tags: English Language | McG | Penises
So this is how the Great Penis Off of 2009 ends. You may recall that Terminator:Salvation director McG, who despite his name is actually an adult, challenged Transformers 2 director Michael Bay to a penis measuring contest. You know, the... CONTINUE READING MCG HAS A SMALL PENIS IN HIS CHARDONNAY»
Posted on May 13, 2009 in Fake Feuds, Oh, Yuck!
(6 comments)
Tags: McG | Michael Bay | Penises | Terminator: Salvation | Transformers 2
lindsay: Who do you think actually has a bigger penis, McG or Michael Bay? gabe: hmmm gabe: who do I barf has a bigger barf, barf or barf? gabe: is that your question? lindsay: Someone needs to start this national... CONTINUE READING FRIDAY FIGHT: WHO HAS THE BIGGER PENIS: MCG OR MICHAEL BAY?»
Posted on May 1, 2009 in Feuds, Friday Fight
(49 comments)
Tags: Ben Gibbard | McG | Michael Bay | Nullus | Penises | Terminator 4 | Terminator: Salvation | The Terminator | Transformers | Transformers 2
It is already well established that McG is the worst, and that Michael Bay is the worst, independent of each other. But now they are going head to head in a race to see who can be the absolute worst.... CONTINUE READING MCG CHALLENGES MICHAEL BAY TO A BEING THE WORST CONTEST»
Posted on April 29, 2009 in Feuds
(41 comments)
Tags: Assholes | McG | Michael Bay | Penises
So this video of a naked guy who was previously dressed as a wizard getting tased by cops at Coachella last weekend is getting pretty big (contains wizard nudity): The naked wizard should go on late night TV to plead... CONTINUE READING DON'T TASE THE NAKED WIZARD, MORTAL»
Posted on April 24, 2009 in Caught On Tape
(167 comments)
Tags: Coachella | Full Frontal Nudity | Nudity | Penises | Tasers | Wizards
The MTV Movie Awards promo starring Jack Black, Michael Cera, and host Andy Samberg that they're showing on TV was funny, but this version is even funnier: Is it wrong that I'm actually looking forward to this show a little?... CONTINUE READING UNCENSORED MTV MOVIE AWARDS PROMO CONTAINS THE WORD "PENIS"»
Posted on April 22, 2009 in Awards, Commercials
(10 comments)
Tags: Andy Samberg | Depeche Mode | Jack Black | Michael Cera | MTV Movie Awards | Penises
Shawn Johnson, whoever that is, found herself in dangerous proximity last night to what can only be described as the most unambiguous boner ever to appear during the family hour. Oops. Yep. Ha!... CONTINUE READING SOME GUY GOT THE FEELINGS ON DANCING WITH THE STARS LAST NIGHT»
Posted on March 31, 2009 in Awkward Live TV, Bloopers
(6 comments)
Tags: Dancing With The Stars | Penises
We're all in middle school still, right? Good. Penis penis penis!: It's also notable that the title of the story is "Nuts On Northwest Flights." 8th grade is going to be so fun!... CONTINUE READING CNN ANCHOR CAN'T STOP SAYING "PENIS"»
Posted on February 18, 2009 in Awkward Live TV, Bloopers
(6 comments)
Tags: Cursing | Penises
Do you ever wonder how the horny guys on the Craig's List's "Casual Encounters" section capture their own wangs on film with such apparent authenticity? Wonder no more, because it's Bob Odenkirk and his team, whose spare, Dogme-like vision is... CONTINUE READING BOB ODENKIRK: CRAIG'S LIST PENIS PHOTOGRAPHER»
Posted on January 5, 2009 in Sketch Comedy
(4 comments)
Tags: Bob Odenkirk | Mr. Show | Penises
(UPDATE: video is back up.)In the spirit of trying to bring you all the televised full frontal nudity that's fit to blog, Fox accidentally broadcast a naked football player in a locker room after a Minnesota/Detroit game yesterday, and they... CONTINUE READING YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A NAKED FOOTBALL PLAYER»
Posted on December 8, 2008 in Awkward Live TV, Full Frontal Nudity, That's Your Boyfriend
(7 comments)
Tags: Depeche Mode | Football | Penises | Wang
Remember Marcus from Survivor: Gabon, who suffered an unfortunate penile "tip slip" that made it to air in the premiere last week? By way of defending their network standards, CBS has put out a press release describing the incident as... CONTINUE READING CBS OFFICIALLY CALLS SURVIVOR CONTESTANT'S PENIS "UNDETECTABLE"»
Posted on October 2, 2008 in Full Frontal Nudity
(5 comments)
Tags: Marcus | Penises | Survivor | Survivor: Gabon
I didn't catch the premiere of Survivor: Gabon last night, but according to our friends at FeyFriends, a contestant named Marcus lost brief control of his thingy while running in some sort of race of some kind. In the interest... CONTINUE READING ACCIDENTAL FULL FRONTAL NUDITY ON THE SURVIVOR: GABON PREMIERE»
Posted on September 26, 2008 in Full Frontal Nudity, Reality TV
(8 comments)
Tags: Marcus | Penises | Survivor | Survivor: Gabon
Cop 1: So I says to the guy, 'If you don't get your hands on the wheel where I can see 'em, you won't have any hands.' Because I was going to shoot the guy's hands. I mean, I wasn't... CONTINUE READING EPIC COP FAILS: PART ONE»
Posted on September 23, 2008 in Viral Video
(5 comments)
Tags: Cops | FAIL | Flight Of The Conchords | Justice | Penises
I've never seen any Harry Potter movies or read any Harry Potter books, but I do have the same innate curiosity about the private parts of famous people as anyone else in the world, probably even Morrissey, so when someone... CONTINUE READING HARRY POTTER AND THE DANIEL RADCLIFFE'S BLURRY WANG PHOTOS OF FIRE»
Posted on September 10, 2008 in Full Frontal Nudity
(10 comments)
Tags: Daniel Radcliffe | Equus | Harry Potter | Penises
What could possibly explain this children's inflatable slide? Is this even a type of slide, without the urethra at the bottom? Someone needs to go out there and interview the people who made and rented this, unless it's like art... CONTINUE READING THIS IS YOUR SLIDE»
Posted on September 9, 2008 in Caught On Tape
(7 comments)
Tags: Penises | Slide
Since April 2008, Videogum has been the internet's #1 source for grainy pictures of the crotch area of the thespian known as Jason Segel. So last night, when an email came in to tips@videogum.com with the subject line "here are... CONTINUE READING THERE IS NOTHING WE DO NOT NOW KNOW ABOUT JASON SEGEL'S PENIS»
Posted on June 11, 2008 in Spoilers
(8 comments)
Tags: Forgetting Sarah Marshall | Jason Segel | Penises
This is not a drill or a fake-out or a joke. After being broken for nearly a week, the internet is once again working, and a reader named Alicia (you're our favorite, Alicia) has responded to my desperate pleas for... CONTINUE READING FINALLY! JASON SEGEL'S PENIS IN FULL, GLORIOUS COLOR»
Posted on April 24, 2008 in Full Frontal Nudity
(51 comments)
Tags: Dick | Forgetting Sarah Marshall | Jason Segel | Jason Segel's Penis | Johnson | NSFW | Penises | Wang
Yesterday I asked for screengrabs of Jason Segel's full-frontal scenes from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. But nobody sent one, so I had to set up these Google alerts: "Jason Segel's Penis" "Jason Segal's Penis" "Jason Segel's Dick" ETC ETC (Yes, even... CONTINUE READING JASON SEGEL'S PENIS IS NOW ONLINE!»
Posted on April 22, 2008 in Cute As Balls
(3 comments)
Tags: Forgetting Sarah Marshall | Full Frontal Nudity | Jason Segel | Penises
Carrie Prejean turned the video camera off, put on some clothes, and stepped out of her house. It was a beautiful day outside. The air smelled like apples, and the late morning light hit the world in just such a...
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If you are a sassy and sarcastic young man in an American sitcom who represents the sitcom writer's desire that a nerdy Jewish teenager can somehow be the desirable romantic hero in this world, then eventually you will get a...
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I shouldn't even be here right now. I SHOULD BE GETTING INTO MY COSTUME! If I don't hurry, my facepaint won't be dry before I get to the MOONVIE theater, and everyone will be like "hahah, you look like you're...
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The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
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Uh. OK. Well, first let's address what this movie did well, like the disappointed parents we are (or at least that I am), recognizing that the negative feedback won't be useful or constructive if it isn't preceded by something positive....
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