Entourage: Happy Birthday, Turtle (UGH!)

Turtle's mom is mad at him because he wore sneakers to Vince's premiere. Johnny Drama told him in the limo that it was a mistake to wear sneakers! Now she is the laughing stock of the salon on Queens Boulevard.... CONTINUE READING ENTOURAGE: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TURTLE (UGH!)»

Entourage: Ari Gold Is Not The Moral Compass Of Hollywood

Nice try, Entourage. Don't get me wrong, I was on the edge of my seat for the entire episode wondering whether or not E would GET IT WET. Seriously, I was so nervous for him, I was just covered in... CONTINUE READING ENTOURAGE: ARI GOLD IS NOT THE MORAL COMPASS OF HOLLYWOOD»

Entourage: It's 2004 Somewhere

You guys, True Blood recap tomorrow, promise. I KNOW THAT I HAVE BEEN FAILING YOU IN THIS. I've got to get this yogurt cup off of my head! But we can talk about the debut episode of Entourage right now!... CONTINUE READING ENTOURAGE: IT'S 2004 SOMEWHERE»

An Open Letter From The Cast And Crew Of Entourage

Dear Entourage fans, The cast and crew at Entourage would like you to know that we will never stop regurgitating lukewarm rehashes of the first season of our show. Here we are, five years later, and everything is exactly... CONTINUE READING AN OPEN LETTER FROM THE CAST AND CREW OF ENTOURAGE»

Entourage Season 6 In A Stupid, Boring, Lukewarm Nutshell

The new season of Entourage premieres on HBO Sunday, July 12th, but I'm going to save us all the headache right now with this SPOILER filled plot summary of the entire season. Vince goes to work on Martin Scorsese's new... CONTINUE READING ENTOURAGE SEASON 6 IN A STUPID, BORING, LUKEWARM NUTSHELL»

Entourage: Vincent Chase Is An Asshole Plus Michael Phelphs's Stupid Cameo

Vincent Chase is an asshole. Yes. Duh. But last night's season finale provided an unmitigated look at what a shithead this guy is. First, there's the historical precedent of being such an asshole. For five seasons Vincent Chase has cruised... CONTINUE READING ENTOURAGE: VINCENT CHASE IS AN ASSHOLE PLUS MICHAEL PHELPHS'S STUPID CAMEO»

Entourage: Ari Gold Is Not A Very Good Father

If this show was a physical reaction to stimulus (or lack thereof), it would be the sensation of pins and needles in a limb that has fallen asleep. If it was a state of being it would be "drowsy." Do... CONTINUE READING ENTOURAGE: ARI GOLD IS NOT A VERY GOOD FATHER»

Sorry, Entourage, But You're Not Extras

We've already addressed some of Entourage's main problems. Like the problem of how there's no actual dramatic tension, and the problem of how it's treading lukewarm water, and the problem of how it's impossible to really care about any of... CONTINUE READING SORRY, ENTOURAGE, BUT YOU'RE NOT EXTRAS»

Entourage Thinks You're An Idiot

As predicted a couple of weeks ago, we've finally gotten our #2 plotline (of the 4 possible Entourage plot structures). This is the narrative turn in which all of Vince's lazy anti-ambition finally pays off and the drama and tension... CONTINUE READING ENTOURAGE THINKS YOU'RE AN IDIOT»

Entourage: Are Vince And Ari Lovers?

So, after last week's wretched death of studio head Alan Gray, it seemed obvious that things would start turning up for Vince, and they might. But first apparently they are going to start turning up for Ari now that Caleb... CONTINUE READING ENTOURAGE: ARE VINCE AND ARI LOVERS? »

Entourage Is Actually Just Getting Despicable

The only thing that was keeping Entourage watchable at this point was its consistently bubbly no-stakes jacuzzi of a plot (i.e. no plot) that has been its hallmark since season 1. Get in, the water's fine! Even if you consider... CONTINUE READING ENTOURAGE IS ACTUALLY JUST GETTING DESPICABLE»

Entourage: Let's Do The Numbers

Entourage has four plot structures. There's the "Uh Oh, Vince Is Doing Fame Wrong," plot (#1). There's the "Hooray, It Still Paid Off, Though," plot (#2). There's the "One-off Episode of Insignificance" plot (#3). And then there are episodes like... CONTINUE READING ENTOURAGE: LET'S DO THE NUMBERS»

Entourage: Does Hollywood Have A Different The View?

You know what, nicely done, last night's Entourage. Sure, the whole show has been like a low stakes weekly poker game since the first season. Just a bunch of dudes getting together every week to joke around, with no women,... CONTINUE READING ENTOURAGE: DOES HOLLYWOOD HAVE A DIFFERENT THE VIEW?»

Entourage: T.I. Cameos And Remains Sexy While Doing So

No matter what Jeremy Piven's Emmy win last night implies, it has become clinically impossible to care about any of the characters on this show (yes, clinically, because I am a doctor, and you have just been cured). Vince is... CONTINUE READING ENTOURAGE: T.I. CAMEOS AND REMAINS SEXY WHILE DOING SO»

Entourage: What Is The Problem With Danger Beach?

On last night's Entourage, Ari was high-strung, E was struggling to be taken seriously, Drama was a goof-head, Turtle just wanted to get laid, and Vince was lackadaisical about his career. The writers and producers have clearly taken a Starbucks... CONTINUE READING ENTOURAGE: WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH DANGER BEACH?»