The Hills Season 6: We're Gonna Need A Bigger ))<>((

Trailer for season 6 of The Hills, you guys: It's hard to figure out what Kristin Cavallari says in the part that's bleeped out. "You [bleeped] with the wrong girl, dude." Hmmm. "You have devoted an unreasonable amount of your... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS SEASON 6: WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER ))<>((»

Goodbye To All Of That

The Hills ended last Sunday with a one hour finale in which Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were married, Lauren Conrad "quit" her "job," and Kristen Cavallari showed up as if somehow we were supposed to believe that was a... CONTINUE READING GOODBYE TO ALL OF THAT»

I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here: Praying With Spencer Pratt

I'm going to start out by saying this: we will not be regularly covering I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here on this site. I know that saying that is like calling someone to tell them you're never calling them... CONTINUE READING I'M A CELEBRITY...GET ME OUT OF HERE: PRAYING WITH SPENCER PRATT»

The Hills: Fuck This Show In The Face Until It Dies (Season Finale)

Spencer has changed. Says Spencer. He has breakfast with Heidi's long suffering mom, Darlene, and explains that he's been going to therapy. He's already done the early-20's "sleazy guy thing," he tells the mother of his future wife. But he's... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: FUCK THIS SHOW IN THE FACE UNTIL IT DIES (SEASON FINALE)»

The Hills: Lauren Conrad's Penultimate Attempt At Relevance

Heidi is getting married. To Spencer. Our great national nightmare is almost at its end, just as the long, personal nightmare of the Pratts enters a new phase. Spencer has won the approval of Heidi's "cowboy" father, who has agreed... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: LAUREN CONRAD'S PENULTIMATE ATTEMPT AT RELEVANCE»

The Hills: She'll Always Be Daddy's Little Plastic Faced Sadness Monster

Heidi's dad, no her REAL dad, is coming to visit. And he's bringing his guns. That is what she tells Spencer. "I wouldn't be surprised if he brings his gun." Really? I would. He could be the guy from the... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: SHE'LL ALWAYS BE DADDY'S LITTLE PLASTIC FACED SADNESS MONSTER»

Posted on May 19, 2009 in Hate-Watching (8 comments)
Tags: Audrina Patridge | Heidi Montag | Lauren Conrad | Spencer Pratt | The Hills

Let's All Pitch In And Have A Spencer Pratt Pizza Party (Or Not)

Spencer Pratt is a goat genius, so he knows all about the importance of viral marketing, which is why he is getting the word out there about Heidi Montag Pratt's "music" with an offer that we almost cannot refuse (The... CONTINUE READING LET'S ALL PITCH IN AND HAVE A SPENCER PRATT PIZZA PARTY (OR NOT)»

Posted on May 15, 2009 in Free Advertising (15 comments)
Tags: Heidi Montag | Pizza | Spencer Pratt | The Hills | Vampire Weekend

The Hills: Audrina Patridge And Audrina Hyde

Since Lauren Conrad has said that this is her last season of The Hills, but because MTV has already announced that they're going ahead with a sixth, Lauren-free season, you can see how the producers are already trying to ween... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: AUDRINA PATRIDGE AND AUDRINA HYDE»

Heidi Montag's Music Is The New Bloody Gums

I think it's happening, you guys. The terribleness of Heidi Montag's "music" has gone from virtually unbearable to somehow...pleasurable. It's not that the music has gotten any better. It still sounds like a drunken karaoke singer with terrible taste in... CONTINUE READING HEIDI MONTAG'S MUSIC IS THE NEW BLOODY GUMS»

Posted on April 29, 2009 in Music Related Content, Reality TV (42 comments)
Tags: Girl Talk | Heidi Montag | The Hills

The Hills: God, Please Take Me Now

Heidi and Spencer got married last weekend. I suppose one could imagine a reality in which The Hills is like a documentary about the Civil War. Sure, you know how it's going to end, but there is so much to... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: GOD, PLEASE TAKE ME NOW»

The Heidi And Spencer Green Screen Challenge

Here are some set images (via JustJared) of Heidi and Spencer shooting promos for the upcoming season of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here. So the good news is that you definitely don't have to watch this... CONTINUE READING THE HEIDI AND SPENCER GREEN SCREEN CHALLENGE»

Posted on April 24, 2009 in Fan Art (47 comments)
Tags: Heidi Montag | I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! | Spencer Pratt | The Hills

The Hills: "I Feel Like I'm In A Nightmare"

It seems fair to assume that when The Hills first started, the system for creating (and when necessary, recreating) dramatic conflict or narrative arcs was already well established, and while it got more refined over time it is not a... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: "I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A NIGHTMARE"»

The Hills: The Devil Wears People's Revolution

I'm tired. Watching this show is like carrying a dead body over rocky terrain. Not that I have any idea what that's like, and I'd be happy to never actually compare the two experiences. But it's so much useless weight,... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: THE DEVIL WEARS PEOPLE'S REVOLUTION»

Heidi And Spencer To Officially Prepare The Way For Their Inevitable Divorce

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are getting married. Smart. And for real this time, too. From E!: E! News has learned exclusively that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are set to tie the knot on Saturday, April 25, in an... CONTINUE READING HEIDI AND SPENCER TO OFFICIALLY PREPARE THE WAY FOR THEIR INEVITABLE DIVORCE»

Posted on April 10, 2009 in Behind The Scenes, Reality TV, Wait For It... (6 comments)
Tags: Heidi Montag | Spencer Pratt | The Hills

The Hills: What Doesn't Kill You Almost Kills You

Here we are again, you guys. Standing at the foot of Mount Doom in the heart of Mordor. The only thing wearier than our legs is our hearts. We are unsure if we have what it takes to scale this... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU ALMOST KILLS YOU»

Heidi Montag Continues To Sing Despite Not Being Able To

Remember how Heidi Montag is really, really bad at singing? Well it is now 2009, and some truths were not made to be broken. Huh? New single that she premiered on Ryan Seacrest this morning, called "Look How I'm Doing!,"... CONTINUE READING HEIDI MONTAG CONTINUES TO SING DESPITE NOT BEING ABLE TO»

Posted on April 1, 2009 in Music Related Content, Reality TV (16 comments)
Tags: Heidi Montag

They'll Give Anyone A Twitter Account These Days

Shut it down. All of it. Monsters. ... CONTINUE READING THEY'LL GIVE ANYONE A TWITTER ACCOUNT THESE DAYS»

Posted on March 10, 2009 in WebJunk, Where Are They Now? (2 comments)
Tags: Heidi Montag | Spencer Pratt

The Hills Season 5: Really? We're Actually Doing This?

The Hills season 5 preview trailer (via I'mNotObsessed), you guys: No. Since the season 4 finale in December, Barack Obama was sworn in as President, the economy spiraled out of control, and Eastbound and Down changed the television landscape. The... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS SEASON 5: REALLY? WE'RE ACTUALLY DOING THIS?»

How I Met Your Mother: Heidi And Spencer's Cameo Was About...Poop

How I Met Your Mother fans have run the gamut from "What? Okay, whatever" to "Ugh" about Spencer Pratt, Heidi Montag, and Kim Kardashian's blatant ratings-baiting "guest starring" appearances on the show, which finally aired last night. Well, the whole... CONTINUE READING HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER: HEIDI AND SPENCER'S CAMEO WAS ABOUT...POOP»

How To Make Your Own Wedding Rings, By Heidi And Spencer

(This week, we're highlighting some of our favorite Videogum posts / video-related moments of 2008. So that's why things look different, and are old, this week. And Happy Almost New Year!) Originally posted on Videogum on December 3, 2008: Hi... CONTINUE READING HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN WEDDING RINGS, BY HEIDI AND SPENCER»

Posted on December 30, 2008 in Bad Idea Jeans, Behind The Scenes, Rerun (1 comments)
Tags: Arts And Crafts | Heidi Montag | Spencer Pratt | The Hills | Wedding

Heidi And Spencer Are Even Faker Man And Faker Wife Than We Thought

First Heidi and Spencer got married. Then it was revealed that they weren't legally married, just Mexican Vacation Married. Then it was revealed that their wedding rings were actually discarded sex toys. Then, on this week's episode, we finally saw... CONTINUE READING HEIDI AND SPENCER ARE EVEN FAKER MAN AND FAKER WIFE THAN WE THOUGHT»

Posted on December 17, 2008 in Behind The Scenes, Spoilers (3 comments)
Tags: Fucking Liars | Heidi Montag | Spencer Pratt | The Hills | Wedding

The Hills: Marriage Is Between A Goat Man And A Plastic Woman

I cannot tell you how convenient it is that Diane Von Furstenberg offered Whitney the job right before her spin-off reality show The City premieres. Can you imagine how awkward it would have been if she didn't get the job?!... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: MARRIAGE IS BETWEEN A GOAT MAN AND A PLASTIC WOMAN»

The Hills: Whitney Has Always Dreamed Of Moving To Spin-Off Show City

Most of this week's episode is a build up to the December 29th premiere of Whitney Port's spin-off series, The City, which is too bad because I would much rather have seen them work in a bunch of build up... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: WHITNEY HAS ALWAYS DREAMED OF MOVING TO SPIN-OFF SHOW CITY»

How To Make Your Own Wedding Rings, By Heidi And Spencer

Hi everyone, Heidi Montag here. Spencer wanted to be here today, but he was busy doing some stretching exercises so that he would one day be flexible enough to give himself blowjobs. ANYWAY, as you know, my lover, soulmate, and... CONTINUE READING HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN WEDDING RINGS, BY HEIDI AND SPENCER»

The Hills: How Many Pratts Does It Take To Fit In A Jail Cell?

If there is one thing in this world that I love without question it is grandmas. They're basically moms, who are great, but even better. Let's give it up for grandmas, everyone. Let them know. But on last night's episode... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: HOW MANY PRATTS DOES IT TAKE TO FIT IN A JAIL CELL?»