Gossip Girl S03E10: The Play Is The Huh?

Obviously, this show has become ridiculous. It used to be about students at an elite private high school, their social and sexual manipulations, and handbags or whatever. That made sense. It had an internal logic to it. What is this... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL S03E10: THE PLAY IS THE HUH?»

Gossip Girl S03E09: That's Your Threesome

"Have you been so busy that you've forgotten what time of year it is?" Gossip Girl asks at the top of the episode. Uh, no? No, I have not. It is fall. It is a week and a half after... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL S03E09: THAT'S YOUR THREESOME»

Gossip Girl S03E08: Vote Or Die Or Just Die

At the end of this week's episode, they showed the teaser for next week's episode, and it is going to feature a threesome? Perfect. They should use this show in junior high school classrooms, to teach children about life. But... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL S03E08: VOTE OR DIE OR JUST DIE»

Gossip Girl S03E07: I'm Dreaming Of A White Halloween

It's Halloween, and you know what that means: Kiss pumpkins! Wait, what? The episode opens with Rufus carving an entire series of Kiss pumpkins. WHY DON'T YOU FOCUS ON RAISING YOUR CHILDREN, RUFUS? Later, Rufus will dress up like the... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL S03E07: I'M DREAMING OF A WHITE HALLOWEEN»

Gossip Girl S03E06: Chuck Bass Is Blah-Curious

Blair has a bad dream based on All About Eve. Sure she does. It's 2009, it just makes sense that a college freshman would have a dream in which she is the Bette Davis character in a 60 year old... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL S03E06: CHUCK BASS IS BLAH-CURIOUS»

Gossip Girl S03E05: Rufus And Lily Are No Jim And Pam. Also: Sonic Youth?

If there was one week to miss so far this season, it was last week. Hilary Duff? Tyra Banks? Come on. I mean, I know this show is a make-believe dystopian nightmare for children, but one celebrity guest at a... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL S03E05: RUFUS AND LILY ARE NO JIM AND PAM. ALSO: SONIC YOUTH?»

Gossip Girl: Children Take Their Scotch Neat, You Know That

Blair, who uses gloves to turn dormitory door knobs (of course she does), walks in on Dan and Georgina up in each other's gutz. CAUGHT! Dan is like "I was just in here to get a book called Our Bodies... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: CHILDREN TAKE THEIR SCOTCH NEAT, YOU KNOW THAT»

Gossip Girl: The College Years

Whoa. Whatever facts about high school may have been gently fudged during the first two seasons of Gossip Girl (almost all of the facts, covered in fudge), they're going even further with their depiction of college, obliterating generations of human... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: THE COLLEGE YEARS»

Gossip Girl: It's Not A Real Soap Opera Until Someone Gets Amnesia

Wow, the summer really is over. TIME TO LEAVE THE HAMPTONS. Or whatever. Are the Hamptons gauche now? I don't know. TIME TO LEAVE THE MOON. Old money is all about summering on the moon now. Of course, the season... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: IT'S NOT A REAL SOAP OPERA UNTIL SOMEONE GETS AMNESIA»

Piecing Together Gossip Girl Season 3 From These Five Clues

First, your honor, I present the evidence. Article 1: BUT WAIT, DOCTOR JUDGE, THERE IS MORE OF THIS:... CONTINUE READING PIECING TOGETHER GOSSIP GIRL SEASON 3 FROM THESE FIVE CLUES»

Chuck Bass Is [REDACTED]!

Oh man. SPOILER ALERT.... CONTINUE READING CHUCK BASS IS [REDACTED]! »

Posted on August 25, 2009 in Behind The Scenes, What America Wants (26 comments)
Tags: Chuck Bass | Ed Westwick | Gossip Girl | Homosexuals

Some Predictions For Gossip Girl Season 3

Chuck Bass dips into the Bass fortune to open his own chain of infused-smoothie stores, going head to head with Jambo's Juice (CEO revealed in final episode with cameo by Breckin Meyer). Serena Van Der Woodsen is found decapitated... CONTINUE READING SOME PREDICTIONS FOR GOSSIP GIRL SEASON 3»

Gossip Girl XoXo Summer News XoXo Round-Up XoXo

HELLO UPPER-EASTSIDERS, Just kidding. If you live on the Upper Eastside and you read this blog, thank you for reading and please give me a limousine! But I will not cater to you. The rest of us are down here... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL XOXO SUMMER NEWS XOXO ROUND-UP XOXO»

Who Should Star In The Girls Just Want To Have Fun Remake?

Today Variety reports that the 1985 cult classic Girls Just Want To Have Fun is being remade. This is huge news for fans of the often overlooked, actually quite witty dance movie (if Dorothy Parker wrote a teen dance movie... CONTINUE READING WHO SHOULD STAR IN THE GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN REMAKE?»

Gossip Girl: Season Finale

It's graduation time! And that means the end of Gossip Girl, says Serena, who is always right about everything. She's like a Correct Assumptions Factory. Hopefully, Serena says at brunch with Blair, this whole being arrested thing will be the... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: SEASON FINALE»

Gossip Girl: I Hate The '80s

Last week, Nikki Finke reported that the Gossip Girl spin-off about young Lily Rhode's adventures in LA had been canceled before it even began. Actually, Nikki Finke said "put a fork in it. It's done," just to give you a... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: I HATE THE '80S»

Gossip Girl: Apparently No One On The UES Has Ever Seen A "Sawyer" Episode Of Lost

The show opens with a joke about how Blair refuses to use the dirty, dirty subway. Oh please. I am willing to accept so much from this show, from the weekly cocktail parties to the casual ways in which adults... Lost'">CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: APPARENTLY NO ONE ON THE UES HAS EVER SEEN A "SAWYER" EPISODE OF LOST»

Gossip Girl: The Jews Escaped Egypt For This?

The episode opens in the middle of a My Fair Lady-esque dream sequence in which Blair tries to sell...herself...flowers in a fancy restaurant to pay for school and then is escorted out by Grandfather Archibald because "that dream is over."... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: THE JEWS ESCAPED EGYPT FOR THIS?»

Ed Westwick Is Fat, And He Ruined His Pants

Chuck Bass is getting Chuck Fatt! THAT'S ONE SECRET I'LL ALWAYS TELL. From MSNBC: Chuck Bass may become even more off-putting in future episodes of "Gossip Girl" -- and not just because of his slimy behavior. Actor Ed Westwick's constant... CONTINUE READING ED WESTWICK IS FAT, AND HE RUINED HIS PANTS»

Posted on April 9, 2009 in Behind The Scenes (15 comments)
Tags: Chuck Bass | Ed Westwick | Gossip Girl | Health

Gossip Girl: Grandfather Can Be Very Persuasive

Vanessa and Dan are heading over to Nate's house to watch some college basketball and talking all about the European vacation Vanessa is planning on taking with Nate this summer. Uh oh. Not two seconds into this week's episode and... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: GRANDFATHER CAN BE VERY PERSUASIVE»

Ed Westwick And Chace Crawford Express Their Fatigue With Being Called Gay By Saying A Bunch Of Gay Stuff

The cover story of this month's Rolling Stone is a feature on Gossip Girl. Sure. It's a great show, and what better time to feature them on the cover of a declining music magazine than three quarters of the way... CONTINUE READING ED WESTWICK AND CHACE CRAWFORD EXPRESS THEIR FATIGUE WITH BEING CALLED GAY BY SAYING A BUNCH OF GAY STUFF»

Posted on March 20, 2009 in Behind The Scenes (14 comments)
Tags: Chace Crawford | Ed Westwick | Girl Talk | Gossip Girl | Homosexuality

Gossip Girl: All The World Is, Like, Totally A Stage, Or Whatever

YESSSS! It's back! We pick up right where we left off. Dan Humphrey is hooking up with that horrible teacher that at first it was rumored he was hooking up with when he wasn't but then she got fired for... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: ALL THE WORLD IS, LIKE, TOTALLY A STAGE, OR WHATEVER»

I Speak Chuck Bass

Oh man, you guys. It feels like Gossip Girl has been on hiatus 4 everrrrr. New episodes return March 16th? You might as well tell me new episodes return Space 2110. This is funny, though: VOTE HIM OFF! VOTE HIM... CONTINUE READING I SPEAK CHUCK BASS»

Posted on February 19, 2009 in Soap Operas, Wait For It... (4 comments)
Tags: Chuck Bass | Ed Westwick | Gossip Girl

First A 646 Phone Number And Now This?

Chuck Bass is the new K-Swiss poster boy? Because of how nothing says louche billionaire playboy with a chip on his shoulder like a pair of shoes your mom wears to garden on Sunday afternoons?... CONTINUE READING FIRST A 646 PHONE NUMBER AND NOW THIS?»

Posted on February 4, 2009 in Free Advertising (5 comments)
Tags: Chuck Bass | Ed Westwick | Fashion | K-Swiss

Gossip Girl: Short Eyes Wide Shut

Blair has community service because of how she invited the new teacher, Ms. Carr, to the opera as a prank. I really wish they would have shown the scene in which Ms. Carr was forced to explain her side of... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: SHORT EYES WIDE SHUT»