The Hills Season 6: We're Gonna Need A Bigger ))<>((

Trailer for season 6 of The Hills, you guys: It's hard to figure out what Kristin Cavallari says in the part that's bleeped out. "You [bleeped] with the wrong girl, dude." Hmmm. "You have devoted an unreasonable amount of your... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS SEASON 6: WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER ))<>((»

The Hills: Fuck This Show In The Face Until It Dies (Season Finale)

Spencer has changed. Says Spencer. He has breakfast with Heidi's long suffering mom, Darlene, and explains that he's been going to therapy. He's already done the early-20's "sleazy guy thing," he tells the mother of his future wife. But he's... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: FUCK THIS SHOW IN THE FACE UNTIL IT DIES (SEASON FINALE)»

The MTV Movie Awards: Just The Funny Parts

Last night's MTV Movie Awards were weird, because much of the two-hour paid advertisement for upcoming blockbusters (like the Sandra Bullock/Ryan Reynolds rom com The Proposal. JK.) was ACTUALLY FUNNY. (And we just knew KEYBOARD CAT was gonna show up.)... CONTINUE READING THE MTV MOVIE AWARDS: JUST THE FUNNY PARTS»

The Hills: Audrina Patridge And Audrina Hyde

Since Lauren Conrad has said that this is her last season of The Hills, but because MTV has already announced that they're going ahead with a sixth, Lauren-free season, you can see how the producers are already trying to ween... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: AUDRINA PATRIDGE AND AUDRINA HYDE»

MTV Renews A Dead Horse

MTV has confirmed that they will be moving forward with a a sixth season of The Hills without Lauren Conrad. Videogum has confirmed that it will not be moving forward with a sixth season of The Hills without Lauren Conrad.... CONTINUE READING MTV RENEWS A DEAD HORSE»

The Hills: God, Please Take Me Now

Heidi and Spencer got married last weekend. I suppose one could imagine a reality in which The Hills is like a documentary about the Civil War. Sure, you know how it's going to end, but there is so much to... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: GOD, PLEASE TAKE ME NOW»

The Hills: "I Feel Like I'm In A Nightmare"

It seems fair to assume that when The Hills first started, the system for creating (and when necessary, recreating) dramatic conflict or narrative arcs was already well established, and while it got more refined over time it is not a... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: "I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A NIGHTMARE"»

"Zac Efron's Pool Party" Tries So Hard It Hurts

The new Funny Or Die video starring Zac Efron, Tom Lennon, Justin Long, and all the other celebrities commits at least eight or nine comedy sins (Brody Jenner recites "smart" conversation, you know, like Paris Hilton did in that one... CONTINUE READING "ZAC EFRON'S POOL PARTY" TRIES SO HARD IT HURTS»

Desperately Seeking Brody

A guy on Craigslist in Chicago leaves a Missed Connection for Brody Jenner. Is Brody secretly gay? More importantly, is rubbing ice cubes on your chest something that people in Chicago think is seductive?... CONTINUE READING DESPERATELY SEEKING BRODY»

Posted on March 12, 2009 in Behind The Scenes (1 comments)
Tags: Brody Jenner | Bromance | Craigslist | Homosexuals | Sex

The Hills Season 5: Really? We're Actually Doing This?

The Hills season 5 preview trailer (via I'mNotObsessed), you guys: No. Since the season 4 finale in December, Barack Obama was sworn in as President, the economy spiraled out of control, and Eastbound and Down changed the television landscape. The... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS SEASON 5: REALLY? WE'RE ACTUALLY DOING THIS?»

Bromance Season Finale: Now What?

Wait, so what happens next? On last night's season finale, Luke beat out Femi (and Chris) to win a Los Angeles apartment and a Scion. Congratulations. But let's not forget that he also won the friendship of Brody Jenner. Right?... CONTINUE READING BROMANCE SEASON FINALE: NOW WHAT?»

Posted on February 3, 2009 in Reality TV (8 comments)
Tags: Brody Jenner | Bromance

Even The Extras On Bromance Are Sexually Complicated

I didn't write about Bromance yesterday because we had already talked about the intense and complex homoeroticism of the show, and also asked the important and unanswerable question: "who is this show for?" Now there is nothing to do but... CONTINUE READING EVEN THE EXTRAS ON BROMANCE ARE SEXUALLY COMPLICATED»

Posted on January 21, 2009 in Reality TV (8 comments)
Tags: Brody Jenner | Bromance | Cake

Hold On, Who Is Bromance's Intended Audience?

Last week I did my best to explain what makes Brody Jenner's new reality show, Bromance, so complicated and fascinating. Even on its own, this new trend in reality television in which half-famous pseudo-fames try to find "friendship" is incredible,... CONTINUE READING HOLD ON, WHO IS BROMANCE'S INTENDED AUDIENCE?»

Posted on January 13, 2009 in Reality TV (38 comments)
Tags: Brody Jenner | Bromance

Bromance Is The Most Important Examination Of Modern Masculinity Ever

Bromance makes me wish that I was smarter. I know that Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy say that graduate students are the worst, but if I was better at critical thinking and dialectical argumentation, I would totally go back to... CONTINUE READING BROMANCE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT EXAMINATION OF MODERN MASCULINITY EVER»

Posted on January 6, 2009 in Nullus, Reality TV (54 comments)
Tags: Brody Jenner | Bromance | Homophobia | Homosexuality | Masculinity

The Hills: Whitney Has Always Dreamed Of Moving To Spin-Off Show City

Most of this week's episode is a build up to the December 29th premiere of Whitney Port's spin-off series, The City, which is too bad because I would much rather have seen them work in a bunch of build up... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: WHITNEY HAS ALWAYS DREAMED OF MOVING TO SPIN-OFF SHOW CITY»

What Should Brody Jenner Swallow?

I was watching the trailer for Brody Jenner's new spin-off show, Bromance, and it gave me the idea for a fun new game. The game is called "What Should Brody Jenner Swallow?" and it's super easy to play. All you... CONTINUE READING WHAT SHOULD BRODY JENNER SWALLOW?»

Posted on December 5, 2008 in Reality TV (24 comments)
Tags: Animal Collective | Brody Jenner | Bromance

The Hills: Brody Jenner Is Still Alive

It's Brody Jenner's birthday! Oh good. I'm so glad he didn't get run over by a dump truck this year. JUST KIDDING. I don't wish Brody Jenner, or anyone else any physical harm. I hope that everyone lives long and... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: BRODY JENNER IS STILL ALIVE»

You Can Make It Up: Brody Jenner Celebrates Yom Kippur

It was Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement, the most holy day on the Jewish calendar. Brody Jenner set down his beer and looked at his Tag Hauer watch. 10:30 AM. He had a long day ahead of him, and... CONTINUE READING YOU CAN MAKE IT UP: BRODY JENNER CELEBRATES YOM KIPPUR»

Posted on October 9, 2008 in You Can Make It Up (2 comments)
Tags: Brody Jenner | Coachella | Henry Rollins | Jews | Yom Kippur

The Hills Is About To Jump The Weirdest Shark

On Saturday, October 18th, at 2PM, MTV is going to be broadcasting a parody of The Hills starring Derek Miller. If this is real, and most indications so far are that it is, this is really, really weird. BWE posted... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS IS ABOUT TO JUMP THE WEIRDEST SHARK»

The Hills: Even Osama Bin Laden Had A Mom Once

One of the main things that everyone has noticed and thought about in regards to reality television is WHERE ARE THE PARENTS? Almost every single person who has ever participated on a reality TV show has acted in a way... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: EVEN OSAMA BIN LADEN HAD A MOM ONCE»

The Hills: Eyes On The Prize, America

Good news for people who hate The Hills, this show is on its last legs. I'm calling it right now. I'm not sure if they'll squeeze another season out after this one, or just let it quietly fade into so... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: EYES ON THE PRIZE, AMERICA»

You Can Make It Up: Lauren Conrad's YA Novel

Laura Goes To Hollywood: An Inspirational Story For Young Women by Lauren Conrad CHAPTER ONE: LAURA BONRAD'S JOURNEY Laura Bonrad get in her Mercedes. She kiss her mom goodbye on the cheek. "Goodbye, mama," she say. "I have to go... CONTINUE READING YOU CAN MAKE IT UP: LAUREN CONRAD'S YA NOVEL»

The Hills: The Black Tears Of A Miserable Clown

Two episodes of Hills in one week? That is so much Hills! You know that feeling you get when you drink too many no-fat soy lattes with sugar-free pomegranate syrup and your hands start to shake? This is like that,... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: THE BLACK TEARS OF A MISERABLE CLOWN»

The Hills: It's Frankie's Party, And Everyone Will Cry If They're Told To By Producers

It's Frankie's birthday and we're going to Vegasssssss! Just one quick question, though: WHO'S FRANKIE? Frankie, of course, is Brody Jenner's friend, who somehow lacks the charisma to make it onto this show as a regular cast member. He's been... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: IT'S FRANKIE'S PARTY, AND EVERYONE WILL CRY IF THEY'RE TOLD TO BY PRODUCERS»

The Hills: Killing One Doug With One Stone

Between this and Gossip Girl, there is now an 80 percent chance that my life will end on a Monday night. Anyway, we're only two episodes into the season, and already Lauren wants to break up with Doug. Did I... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: KILLING ONE DOUG WITH ONE STONE»