Gossip Girl S03E05: Rufus And Lily Are No Jim And Pam. Also: Sonic Youth?

If there was one week to miss so far this season, it was last week. Hilary Duff? Tyra Banks? Come on. I mean, I know this show is a make-believe dystopian nightmare for children, but one celebrity guest at a... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL S03E05: RUFUS AND LILY ARE NO JIM AND PAM. ALSO: SONIC YOUTH?»

Gossip Girl: Children Take Their Scotch Neat, You Know That

Blair, who uses gloves to turn dormitory door knobs (of course she does), walks in on Dan and Georgina up in each other's gutz. CAUGHT! Dan is like "I was just in here to get a book called Our Bodies... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: CHILDREN TAKE THEIR SCOTCH NEAT, YOU KNOW THAT»

Gossip Girl: The College Years

Whoa. Whatever facts about high school may have been gently fudged during the first two seasons of Gossip Girl (almost all of the facts, covered in fudge), they're going even further with their depiction of college, obliterating generations of human... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: THE COLLEGE YEARS»

Gossip Girl: It's Not A Real Soap Opera Until Someone Gets Amnesia

Wow, the summer really is over. TIME TO LEAVE THE HAMPTONS. Or whatever. Are the Hamptons gauche now? I don't know. TIME TO LEAVE THE MOON. Old money is all about summering on the moon now. Of course, the season... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: IT'S NOT A REAL SOAP OPERA UNTIL SOMEONE GETS AMNESIA»

Piecing Together Gossip Girl Season 3 From These Five Clues

First, your honor, I present the evidence. Article 1: BUT WAIT, DOCTOR JUDGE, THERE IS MORE OF THIS:... CONTINUE READING PIECING TOGETHER GOSSIP GIRL SEASON 3 FROM THESE FIVE CLUES»

Some Predictions For Gossip Girl Season 3

Chuck Bass dips into the Bass fortune to open his own chain of infused-smoothie stores, going head to head with Jambo's Juice (CEO revealed in final episode with cameo by Breckin Meyer). Serena Van Der Woodsen is found decapitated... CONTINUE READING SOME PREDICTIONS FOR GOSSIP GIRL SEASON 3»

Leighton Meester Should Stick To Sex Tapes

Leighton Meester has a new song called "Body Control." It's going to set the middle-of-the-road, generic dance clubs of 1999 who like pedestrian non-music on fire.... CONTINUE READING LEIGHTON MEESTER SHOULD STICK TO SEX TAPES»

Posted on July 6, 2009 in Music Related Content (2 comments)
Tags: Blair Waldorf | Dancing | Gossip Girl | Leighton Meester | The '90s

Leighton Meester Sex Tape Gossip Girl Blast

Leighton Meester has a sex tape now? NO WONDER SHE DIDN'T GET INTO YALE (I HATE MYSELF!). The worst part is that TMZ already made all of the "xoxo" and "spotted" jokes, so there isn't even a clever way to... CONTINUE READING LEIGHTON MEESTER SEX TAPE GOSSIP GIRL BLAST»

Posted on June 19, 2009 in Sex Tapes (37 comments)
Tags: Blair Waldorf | Gossip Girl | Leighton Meester | Sex

Gossip Girl: Season Finale

It's graduation time! And that means the end of Gossip Girl, says Serena, who is always right about everything. She's like a Correct Assumptions Factory. Hopefully, Serena says at brunch with Blair, this whole being arrested thing will be the... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: SEASON FINALE»

Gossip Girl: I Hate The '80s

Last week, Nikki Finke reported that the Gossip Girl spin-off about young Lily Rhode's adventures in LA had been canceled before it even began. Actually, Nikki Finke said "put a fork in it. It's done," just to give you a... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: I HATE THE '80S»

Gossip Girl: You Can't Con A Conner

Serena's new boyfriend Gabriel pulled a classic grift (what con artists call the Internet in Africa Oopsie Daisy) and got all of the money. If only Serena had listened to Chuck and Blair's creepy and vague suggestions that something just... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: YOU CAN'T CON A CONNER»

Gossip Girl: Apparently No One On The UES Has Ever Seen A "Sawyer" Episode Of Lost

The show opens with a joke about how Blair refuses to use the dirty, dirty subway. Oh please. I am willing to accept so much from this show, from the weekly cocktail parties to the casual ways in which adults... Lost'">CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: APPARENTLY NO ONE ON THE UES HAS EVER SEEN A "SAWYER" EPISODE OF LOST»

Gossip Girl: Grandfather Can Be Very Persuasive

Vanessa and Dan are heading over to Nate's house to watch some college basketball and talking all about the European vacation Vanessa is planning on taking with Nate this summer. Uh oh. Not two seconds into this week's episode and... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: GRANDFATHER CAN BE VERY PERSUASIVE»

Gossip Girl: All The World Is, Like, Totally A Stage, Or Whatever

YESSSS! It's back! We pick up right where we left off. Dan Humphrey is hooking up with that horrible teacher that at first it was rumored he was hooking up with when he wasn't but then she got fired for... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: ALL THE WORLD IS, LIKE, TOTALLY A STAGE, OR WHATEVER»

Gossip Girl: Short Eyes Wide Shut

Blair has community service because of how she invited the new teacher, Ms. Carr, to the opera as a prank. I really wish they would have shown the scene in which Ms. Carr was forced to explain her side of... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: SHORT EYES WIDE SHUT»

Gossip Girl: It's Not Over Until The Size 4 Lady Sings

It's Yale Day, whatever that is. Have things really changed so much since I went to college? Granted, that was back in 1953, when a woman wouldn't dare to show her ankles, but I remember everyone getting their acceptance letters... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: IT'S NOT OVER UNTIL THE SIZE 4 LADY SINGS»

Gossip Girl: Blood Is More Of An Asshole Than Water

It's time to read Bart Bass's will. Lilly won't be there because she is in Boston with Rufus trying to track down their secret monster adoption nightmare. But Chuck has asked Blair to go with him, and the mysterious new... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: BLOOD IS MORE OF AN ASSHOLE THAN WATER»

Gossip Girl: Rufus Humphrey Is A Terrible Father

First things first: Aaron Rose is gone! Wait, isn't he Blair's stepbrother now? Shhhh! Don't spoil the Christmas Miracle with all of your pertinent questions. Gone. Serena broke up with him on the plane to Buenos Aires, which is classic... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: RUFUS HUMPHREY IS A TERRIBLE FATHER»

Gossip Girl: One Weddings And A Funeral

[Ed. Note: better late.] So, Bart Bass is dead. OR IS HE? My friend Steven has floated the possibility that he's not dead (quote: i just don't believe someone is dead until i see the corpse and see someone pee... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: ONE WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL»

How About A SPOILER ALERT On These New Gossip Girl Posters

There's a new series of "provocative" Gossip Girl print ads that are going to definitely make the kids go hmm, just as soon as the kids discover the joys of reading. Each ad features one of the main characters (but... CONTINUE READING HOW ABOUT A SPOILER ALERT ON THESE NEW GOSSIP GIRL POSTERS»

Gossip Girl: Dan And Serena Should Lose Their Suicide Virginity Together

Now that Thanksgiving is out of the way it's going to be a headlong rush through the holiday season and basically it's already 2009. But before we kiss 2008 goodbye forever, since this is such a forgettable year with absolutely... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: DAN AND SERENA SHOULD LOSE THEIR SUICIDE VIRGINITY TOGETHER»

Gossip Girl: Be Thankful I Don't Talk About Serena And Aaron Rose

It's Thanksgiving! As the episode opens we're told that while for most people Thanksgiving is a holiday where families come together and give thanks, on the Upper East Side it returns to its roots of lying, manipulation, and betrayal. POLITICAL.... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: BE THANKFUL I DON'T TALK ABOUT SERENA AND AARON ROSE»

Gossip Girl: Dan And Jenny Humphrey Are Two Garbage Peas In A Vomit Pod

When Jenny Humphrey ran away last week it was very exciting. Unlike throwing your sweet sixteen-and-a-half at 1Oak or stealing all of Bart Bass's Ferragamo loafers as a goof, teenagers running away from home can have very dire consequences. Maybe... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: DAN AND JENNY HUMPHREY ARE TWO GARBAGE PEAS IN A VOMIT POD»

New Gossip Girl Posters Will Not Piss Off Your Parents

Remember the original ads for season 2 of Gossip Girl that showed two kids fucking Like Water for Chocolate style with a salacious quote like "Your Mom's Going To Barf," or "This Show Will Fuck Your Mouth"? Well there's a... CONTINUE READING NEW GOSSIP GIRL POSTERS WILL NOT PISS OFF YOUR PARENTS»

Gossip Girl: Jenny Humphrey Takes The Fashion World By Stupid

OK, so last week Jenny Humphrey quit her job with Eleanor Waldorf and decided to start her own fashion line, and as this week's episode opens Jenny is just putting the finishing touches on a final dress. What? I'm not... CONTINUE READING GOSSIP GIRL: JENNY HUMPHREY TAKES THE FASHION WORLD BY STUPID»