The Hills Season 6: We're Gonna Need A Bigger ))<>((

Trailer for season 6 of The Hills, you guys: It's hard to figure out what Kristin Cavallari says in the part that's bleeped out. "You [bleeped] with the wrong girl, dude." Hmmm. "You have devoted an unreasonable amount of your... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS SEASON 6: WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER ))<>((»

You Could Be The Next Spokesperson For Carl's Jr., Or You Could Keep Your Self-Respect

Oh boy. If nothing else, at least Carl's Jr. kept the whole thing tasteful and classy. Wouldn't you agree, hot chicks? Sure. This is your chance to join the illustrious ranks of Paris Hilton and Audrina Patridge*. LIVING THE DREAM!... CONTINUE READING YOU COULD BE THE NEXT SPOKESPERSON FOR CARL'S JR., OR YOU COULD KEEP YOUR SELF-RESPECT»

Goodbye To All Of That

The Hills ended last Sunday with a one hour finale in which Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were married, Lauren Conrad "quit" her "job," and Kristen Cavallari showed up as if somehow we were supposed to believe that was a... CONTINUE READING GOODBYE TO ALL OF THAT»

The Hills: Fuck This Show In The Face Until It Dies (Season Finale)

Spencer has changed. Says Spencer. He has breakfast with Heidi's long suffering mom, Darlene, and explains that he's been going to therapy. He's already done the early-20's "sleazy guy thing," he tells the mother of his future wife. But he's... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: FUCK THIS SHOW IN THE FACE UNTIL IT DIES (SEASON FINALE)»

The Hills: Lauren Conrad's Penultimate Attempt At Relevance

Heidi is getting married. To Spencer. Our great national nightmare is almost at its end, just as the long, personal nightmare of the Pratts enters a new phase. Spencer has won the approval of Heidi's "cowboy" father, who has agreed... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: LAUREN CONRAD'S PENULTIMATE ATTEMPT AT RELEVANCE»

The Hills: She'll Always Be Daddy's Little Plastic Faced Sadness Monster

Heidi's dad, no her REAL dad, is coming to visit. And he's bringing his guns. That is what she tells Spencer. "I wouldn't be surprised if he brings his gun." Really? I would. He could be the guy from the... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: SHE'LL ALWAYS BE DADDY'S LITTLE PLASTIC FACED SADNESS MONSTER»

Posted on May 19, 2009 in Hate-Watching (8 comments)
Tags: Audrina Patridge | Heidi Montag | Lauren Conrad | Spencer Pratt | The Hills

The Hills: In This Economy, It's Tough To Find Pretend Work

The economic crisis is affecting everyone. Why, just the other day, there were a bunch of imaginary layoffs at the imaginary company where Audrina Patridge pretends to work, and she was like "OMG, I can hardly make-believe it." She had... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: IN THIS ECONOMY, IT'S TOUGH TO FIND PRETEND WORK»

The Hills: Audrina Patridge And Audrina Hyde

Since Lauren Conrad has said that this is her last season of The Hills, but because MTV has already announced that they're going ahead with a sixth, Lauren-free season, you can see how the producers are already trying to ween... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: AUDRINA PATRIDGE AND AUDRINA HYDE»

MTV Renews A Dead Horse

MTV has confirmed that they will be moving forward with a a sixth season of The Hills without Lauren Conrad. Videogum has confirmed that it will not be moving forward with a sixth season of The Hills without Lauren Conrad.... CONTINUE READING MTV RENEWS A DEAD HORSE»

The Hills: God, Please Take Me Now

Heidi and Spencer got married last weekend. I suppose one could imagine a reality in which The Hills is like a documentary about the Civil War. Sure, you know how it's going to end, but there is so much to... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: GOD, PLEASE TAKE ME NOW»

The Hills: "I Feel Like I'm In A Nightmare"

It seems fair to assume that when The Hills first started, the system for creating (and when necessary, recreating) dramatic conflict or narrative arcs was already well established, and while it got more refined over time it is not a... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: "I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A NIGHTMARE"»

The Hills: What Doesn't Kill You Almost Kills You

Here we are again, you guys. Standing at the foot of Mount Doom in the heart of Mordor. The only thing wearier than our legs is our hearts. We are unsure if we have what it takes to scale this... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU ALMOST KILLS YOU»

Duh Aficionado Magazine: Audrina Patridge Loves Cocaine

Did you know that Audrina Patridge is getting her own TV show soon? The Hills ends this season, because if there's one thing that show knows, it's that you should always leave your audience wanting more. Bullets in their mouths.... CONTINUE READING DUH AFICIONADO MAGAZINE: AUDRINA PATRIDGE LOVES COCAINE»

Posted on March 24, 2009 in Backlashes, Behind The Scenes, Celebrity Gossip! (13 comments)
Tags: Audrina Patridge | Cocaine

Sorority Row: They Did A Bad, Bad, Thing

The trailer for the fall horror movie Sorority Row, starring Audrina Patridge, Rumer Willis, Carrie Fisher, and other people, hit the internet today. You can't really tell that Audrina's a terrible actress from this trailer (though Rumer seems kind of... CONTINUE READING SORORITY ROW: THEY DID A BAD, BAD, THING»

Posted on March 19, 2009 in Trailer (24 comments)
Tags: Arctic Monkeys | Audrina Patridge | Carrie Fisher | Rumer Willis | Sorority Row

The Hills Season 5: Really? We're Actually Doing This?

The Hills season 5 preview trailer (via I'mNotObsessed), you guys: No. Since the season 4 finale in December, Barack Obama was sworn in as President, the economy spiraled out of control, and Eastbound and Down changed the television landscape. The... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS SEASON 5: REALLY? WE'RE ACTUALLY DOING THIS?»

The Hills: Marriage Is Between A Goat Man And A Plastic Woman

I cannot tell you how convenient it is that Diane Von Furstenberg offered Whitney the job right before her spin-off reality show The City premieres. Can you imagine how awkward it would have been if she didn't get the job?!... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: MARRIAGE IS BETWEEN A GOAT MAN AND A PLASTIC WOMAN»

The Hills: How Many Pratts Does It Take To Fit In A Jail Cell?

If there is one thing in this world that I love without question it is grandmas. They're basically moms, who are great, but even better. Let's give it up for grandmas, everyone. Let them know. But on last night's episode... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: HOW MANY PRATTS DOES IT TAKE TO FIT IN A JAIL CELL?»

The Hills: Lauren Conrad Is A Total The C Word

Audrina was talking to her friend Dino and he totally told her that Lauren hooked up with Justin Bobby, but neither Lauren nor Justin will even talk to her about it, and they're both angry that she's even bringing it... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: LAUREN CONRAD IS A TOTAL THE C WORD»

The Hills: Still With The Heidi And The Job Thing

First of all, Audrina and Justin Bobby are finally getting serious. OMG, can you believe it? After all these yeazzzzzzzzzz. The thing is, Justin likes hanging out down on Venice Beach because it's so zenlike, but when he gets up... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: STILL WITH THE HEIDI AND THE JOB THING»

The Hills Continues To Pretend Heidi Montag Ever Had A Job To Begin With

This week's episode was mostly a big run up to Whitney Port's spin-off, The City. Kelly Cutrone was like "Whitney and Lauren, I need you to come to New York immediately and pretend like you are working so that we... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS CONTINUES TO PRETEND HEIDI MONTAG EVER HAD A JOB TO BEGIN WITH»

The Hills: Pre-Staged Love Will Tear Audrina Apart

This week, Audrina is still hung up on Justin Bobby some more, which actually kind of proves that this show is slightly more "real" than people have been giving it credit for lately. Because if it really was nothing but... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: PRE-STAGED LOVE WILL TEAR AUDRINA APART»

The Hills: Brody Jenner Is Still Alive

It's Brody Jenner's birthday! Oh good. I'm so glad he didn't get run over by a dump truck this year. JUST KIDDING. I don't wish Brody Jenner, or anyone else any physical harm. I hope that everyone lives long and... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: BRODY JENNER IS STILL ALIVE»

NSFW: Audrina Patridge's Breasts

Months ago, Lindsay Robertson put out a call for some screenshots of Jason Segel's penis. Gross, Lindsay Robertson. I mean, the human body is beautiful and blah blah blah, but also no, and don't. Nevertheless, we at Videogum recognize that... CONTINUE READING NSFW: AUDRINA PATRIDGE'S BREASTS»

Posted on October 14, 2008 in NSFW, Reality TV (3 comments)
Tags: Audrina Patridge | Breasts | Nudity | The Hills

The Hills: Holly Montag Is Unnecessary

I refuse to talk about Audrina's boy problems. As far as I'm concerned, Audrina should seal up her vagina with cement. Justin Bobby. He's a HAIRDRESSER. I'm not throwing hairdressers under the bus, but I will throw ridiculous people under... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS: HOLLY MONTAG IS UNNECESSARY»

The Hills Is About To Jump The Weirdest Shark

On Saturday, October 18th, at 2PM, MTV is going to be broadcasting a parody of The Hills starring Derek Miller. If this is real, and most indications so far are that it is, this is really, really weird. BWE posted... CONTINUE READING THE HILLS IS ABOUT TO JUMP THE WEIRDEST SHARK»