This remains completely unbelievable. This is clearly your show. Starring all of your boyfriends. And all of your girlfriends. Living in your house. On your shore. For now. (Thanks for the tip, Edith.)... CONTINUE READING 2ND TRAILER FOR MTV'S JERSEY SHORE REMINDS US THAT THIS IS AN ACTUAL SHOW»
Posted on November 20, 2009 in ,
(41 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Douchebags | Jersey Shore
If the publishing industry were not imploding right now, I would probably walk right into Graydon Wenner's office and pitch him an idea for adding UGH Aficionado magazine to Guy Snoozehouse's illustrious line of Condor Nash publications. "I've already got... CONTINUE READING NSFW: A PORNOGRAPHER WANTS TO MAKE A JAYCEE DUGARD MOVIE, BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DOES»
Posted on November 18, 2009 in , ,
(27 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Boo! | Jaycee Dugard | Nightmares | Philip Garrido | Porno | Yikes
Look, let's be real for once. Regardless of who you voted for in the last election--John McCain or that TERRORIST--or which political party you believe has the best ideas to lead our country through the converging tidal waves of 2012,... CONTINUE READING OPRAH PRETENDS THAT SARAH PALIN IS AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING»
Posted on November 17, 2009 in ,
(95 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Books | Election 2008 | Oprah | Sarah Palin
Carrie Prejean turned the video camera off, put on some clothes, and stepped out of her house. It was a beautiful day outside. The air smelled like apples, and the late morning light hit the world in just such a... CONTINUE READING YOU CAN MAKE IT UP: PEOPLE TELL CARRIE PREJEAN WHAT AN ASSHOLE SHE IS»
Posted on November 12, 2009 in
(33 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Carrie Prejean
For those of you who don't know, Chris Brown is an American singer and dancer, who earlier this year was arrested on charges of beating his girlfriend, Rihanna, repeatedly in the face in a parked Ferrari before running away into... CONTINUE READING UH, NICE TRY, CHRIS BROWN»
Posted on November 9, 2009 in ,
(29 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Boo! | Children | Chris Brown | Rihanna | Soulja Boy
NSFW "Running to the Edge of the World" video, you guys: Yuck. This video is terrible! It's like it was created by a focus group tasked with determining what anti-social 15-year-olds from broken homes who like 50-year-old men and nightmares... CONTINUE READING EVERY MARILYN MANSON HURTS»
Posted on November 6, 2009 in
(38 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Marilyn Manson | Misogyny | Yuck
Before I talk about last night's premiere of The Jeff Dunham Show on Comedy Central, I would first like to issue a couple of apologies. I'm sorry, Jay Leno, I was wrong. Your comedy is hackneyed, aggressively middlebrow, toothless, and... CONTINUE READING THE JEFF DUNHAM SHOW IS THE WORST THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD»
Posted on October 23, 2009 in
(195 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Brooke Hogan | Homophobia | Jeff Dunham | Misogyny | Puppets | Racism | The Jeff Dunham Show
Vic Mizzy is not even in the ground yet, so he will have to save up those grave rolls, but Richard Heene commissioned theme songs for his reality TV show ideas!!! They are hilarious and awful. He even plays bass... CONTINUE READING RICHARD HEENE'S PSYIENCE DETECTIVE THEME SONG»
Posted on October 20, 2009 in
(21 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Balloons | Falcon Heene | Hoaxes | Reality TV | Richard Heene | Theme Music | Yikes
Oh boy. What is this buffoon even talking about anymore?! Remember when America pretended that AIDS didn't exist as we found ourselves mired in the Iran-Contra Affair? That Coke commercial aired during the 1980 Super Bowl. Is he seriously... CONTINUE READING GLENN BECK CRIES BECAUSE WE DON'T LIVE IN A COKE COMMERCIAL ANYMORE»
Posted on October 16, 2009 in
(67 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Crying | Glenn Beck
The MTV show The Hills is fake. Everyone knows that. But up until recently, it was mostly a poorly kept secret. For the sake of the show's razor-thin watchability, the pretense of reality was maintained. But with the new season... CONTINUE READING DUH AFICIONADO MAGAZINE: KRISTIN CAVALLARI IS NOT LARRY DAVID»
Posted on September 29, 2009 in
(17 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Courtney Love | Curb Your Enthusiasm | Kristin Cavallari | Larry David | The Hills
This video should be posted everywhere. Look at that jerk. Let's all look at him. Remember during his interview with Larry King when he complained that he could do so much more good for the community than just picking... CONTINUE READING CHRIS BROWN SUFFERS IN SILENCE»
Posted on September 17, 2009 in
(33 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Chris Brown | Community Service | Crime | Prison
Whoa. David goes to the bacon dentist. The fact that he keeps calling a grown woman a "little girl" is some pretty heavily-coded (or lightly-coded?) racist shit, but everything else that comes out of this kid's mouth is basically gold.... CONTINUE READING KIDS RUN AWAY FROM HOME OVER A BACON DISPUTE THE DARNDEST THINGS»
Posted on August 28, 2009 in
(42 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Bacon | Children | Wife Swap
Stewie, the annoying baby on Family Guy, is gay, says creator and moron, Seth MacFarlane in an interview with Playboy. Perfect. From the New York Daily News: "We had an episode that went all the way to the script phase... CONTINUE READING STEWIE IS GAY, SAYS AWFUL, AWFUL SETH MACFARLANE»
Posted on August 13, 2009 in
(74 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Family Guy | Homosexuals | Seth MacFarlane | Stewie
Huh. You know the Peggy Lee song, "Is That All There Is?" It's a pop cultural examination of jaded disappointment. Back when it was released, in 1969, the year I turned 35, it re-kindled Peggy Lee's career. She won a... CONTINUE READING NYC PREP: SEASON FINALE»
Posted on August 12, 2009 in
(31 comments)
Tags: Assholes | NYC Prep | Rich Kids
Dane Cook made fun of Vanessa Hudgens at the Teen Choice Awards on Sunday for some nude photos of her that leaked to the internet, and needless to say, YIKES. You guys probably already know about this through the secret... CONTINUE READING DANE COOK MAKES FUN OF VANESSA HUDGENS, BECAUSE HE IS AN ADULT»
Posted on August 11, 2009 in
(98 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Boo! | Child Pornography | Children | Dane Cook | Nudity | Teen Choice Awards | Vanessa Hudgens
Dear People Who Would Actually Go to a Saw-themed Haunted House, So, I heard about your haunted house. It's going to be at the Circus Circus casino in Las Vegas this October as part of a promotional tie-in with Saw... CONTINUE READING AN OPEN LETTER TO THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD ACTUALLY GO TO A SAW-THEMED HAUNTED HOUSE»
Posted on July 28, 2009 in ,
(34 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Halloween | Haunted Houses | Horror Survival | Idiocracy | Jigsaw | Saw | Saw II | Saw III | Saw IV | Saw V | Saw VI | Saw VII
Katherine Heigl lit a cigarette and emasculated her husband for awhile. Then she called a reporter and said "feminism" and hung up. Katherine Heigl tucked her dick into her pants and hiked her pants up and smoked another cigarette and... CONTINUE READING YOU CAN MAKE IT UP: KATHERINE HEIGL HAS AN IDEAS BRAINSTORMING SESSION»
Posted on July 23, 2009 in
(34 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Katherine Heigl
When the women of the Real Housewives, or anyone on any VH1 show ever, are forced into bizarre social situations (think the traditional final episode dinner party on Housewives, or the Real Chance at Love reunion) the discomfort of it... CONTINUE READING NYC PREP: OH, BABIES, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?»
Posted on July 15, 2009 in
(25 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Children | New York | NYC Prep | Poverty | Rich People
From the latest issue of Goop (via GoldenFiddlr), you guys: Doo Doo. Perfect. She probably wrote this one herself because she didn't trust her ghostwriter to get the tone right. Nailed it. I'm not entirely clear on the difference between... CONTINUE READING GWYNETH PALTROW WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW ABOUT HER BOWEL MOVEMENTS»
Posted on July 9, 2009 in
(30 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Goop | Gwyneth Paltrow | Toilets
The show opens with PC talking to Jessie and some other girl in either Jessie or that other girl's living room and PC is talking about how he can't wait to go to Cancun to just get away from it... CONTINUE READING NYC PREP: CHRISTMAS IN JULY»
Posted on July 8, 2009 in ,
(21 comments)
Tags: Assholes | NYC Prep | Rich People | Teenagers
Since Videogum first began, not a day has gone by without an email from a concerned tipster wondering whether or not Gwyneth Paltrow likes Spain. Most of the emails are frantically written and in ALL CAPS. Messages such as "DOES... CONTINUE READING BREAKING NEWS: GWYNETH PALTROW LIKES SPAIN!»
Posted on July 1, 2009 in
(39 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Goop | Gwyneth Paltrow | Spain
It's weird how your boyfriend, the channel 7 affiliate for the Sugarcreek Township area's news team, is so insistent on broadcasting footage of dudes who are at worst mildly confused exhibitionists. Take, for example, your boyfriend's recent report on... CONTINUE READING THAT'S YOUR BOYFRIEND: SUGARCREEK TOWNSHIP NEWS TEAM»
Posted on June 10, 2009 in ,
(21 comments)
Tags: 50 Cent | Assholes | Crime | Dakota Fanning | Kristen Stewart | New Moon | Robert Pattinson | Stephanie Meyer | Sugarcreek Township | Swimsuits | Taylor Lautner | Twilight | Vampires | Werewolves
Brownie vlog! Brownie vlog! Sure. Chris Brown was in his private basement bowling alley with a goon friend of his and a video camera apparently made out of rubber bands and fudge, and he realized what better time to lazily... CONTINUE READING CHRIS BROWN IS NOT A MONSTER, SAYS CHRIS BROWN»
Posted on May 27, 2009 in ,
(30 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Chris Brown
Gwyneth Paltrow stirred. A lilac scented breeze pushed gently at the diaphanous curtains of her castle aerie (two servants stood beneath her castle window, one waving a giant palm frond as the other squeezed a bulb of artisanal lilac oil... CONTINUE READING YOU CAN MAKE IT UP: GWYNETH PALTROW NOURISHES HER INNER ASPECT»
Posted on May 21, 2009 in
(14 comments)
Tags: Assholes | Goop | Gwyneth Paltrow | Julian Casablancas | Poverty | The Strokes
