When the Jar Jar Binks version of Star Wars came out, I was in the middle of a lot of traveling, and so I missed it in its initial run. By the time I got home, the collective opinion was that the movie was garbage, but somehow I was determined that I was going to be the one who realized that in fact the movie was actually great. It wasn’t! But I went to a second-run movie theater with the same level of anticipation that I had before hearing what other people thought of it, only to leave the movie theater feeling forced to acknowledge that they were right. (A very similar thing happened with the Matrix sequels!) So you can imagine the hard set of my teeth when, before seeing the new Star Trek movie I mentioned at lunch that I was going to go see it that afternoon, at which point my cousin wavered his hand back and forth to say that he thought the movie was so-so. Why would you do that? What is the point of doing that? Ugh, guys, aren’t families THE WORST? The only time I can imagine waving my hand to say that a movie was so-so to someone who hadn’t seen the movie yet would be if they announced that they were about to see it and if it didn’t live up to their expectations they were going to fill their pockets with rocks and walk into the ocean. Then I would be like “so-so.” Then I would be like “let us temper these expectations of yours.” I don’t have a good poker face. If someone says they are going to see a movie that I didn’t like, I’m not like “OH COOL!” But I can keep my shit together. In any case, Star Trek: Into Darkness is better than a hand-wavy so-so. It’s good! It’s not quite as fun or as good as the first one, but what is, and it’s certainly good enough that you can LET SOMEONE ENJOY THEIR PRE-MOVIE LUNCH FOR GOODNESS SAKE. OK. I’m done. I’m ready to move on. Let’s all move on:
- Jennifer Lawrence, why so blue? Aahhahhaahaa. -FilmDrunk
- Seth MacFarlane has announced on Twitter that he will not be hosting the next Academy Awards, citing the fact that he needs sleep. Okay! Sleep well, my prince! -Twitter
- Do you know what Arrested Development is? I don’t, but in case you do: NPR has put together a comprehensive guide to every recurring joke that ever happened throughout the show’s three seasons. Hmm. -NPR
- And Vulture has put together a supercut of every impression Bill Hader did in his eight-year SNL career! -Vulture
- IFC has announced the return date of Comedy Bang! Bang!, as well as many of the guest stars you can look forward to seeing on the new season. I can’t waaaaaaiiiitttuhhhhh. -IFC
- Speaking of Comedy Bang! Bang! (kind of), for YouTube’s Comedy Week, Reggie Watts did a shot-for-shot remake of Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up.” Does that sound like something you’d enjoy? -JASH
- From the Billboard Awards: This Miguel GIF and this Taylor Swift GIF are worth watching just a few more times. -Dlisted
I’m never impressed with people’s revisionist history arguments that suggest there was some previously halcyon period in our collective past that was better than the world we live in now. The steady march of progress is literally that, and we are always in a better place than we used to be, full stop. This doesn’t mean there aren’t bumps in the road, but in terms of overall quality of life, social well-being, human rights, and cetra, we are doing better now as a whole than we have ever done before. Maybe you like the way suits on Mad Men look and you wish you could get drunk at lunch, or something, but never forget how racist, homophobic, misogynistic, violent, and terrifying the world was in comparison to the way it is now, which is still pretty racist, homophobic, misogynistic, violent, and terrifying. The point is: we have to keep hanging in there, guys, one foot in front of the other. That being said, I do actually think the world as a whole was just a little bit better, a little softer, and kinder, and more generous, and thoughtful, yesterday, before this fucking video came out and got us way off track.
I wasn’t the best at science in high school and in college the two science classes I took were a non-difficult space themed class and then a class about weather forecasting (I love college) so I think I either just missed out on this entirely or learned it and forgot, but: What happens when you put fire near an emergency sprinkler system? Just like…I guess I don’t really need the science behind it or whatever, because I’m not sure I’d understand it anyway and I don’t want to waste any more of your time, but can you just give me an explanation of what happens when you do it? Paint the scene, maybe. Or is it a thing that you can’t really explain unless you tell me why it’s happening? If it’s that sort of a thing then I’d definitely welcome an explanation, if you have time! If I were to guess I’d say that the emergency sprinkler system maybe sets off some sparks and shuts down or something, but it’s NOT dangerous or anything. Is that right? I’m just guessing but I think it’s an educated guess — or at least as educated as it can be, with my background. Haha. But, so, am I close?
When Hollywood movie star men speak about the problems they’ve encountered with unwanted sexualization or attention paid to certain parts of their bodies, or the demand for a certain look in order to get work, their complaints are usually met with an eye roll, rolling in the direction of how much more difficult it is for women in the same profession, and then the eyeballs roll right out onto the dirtiest part of the floor, and they keep rolling, rolling, until they find their way onto the street where they roll away forever. Goodbye, eyeballs! WE’LL MISS YOU! Though, in situations like that, the kinder among us are able to give the Mr. Hollywoods a bit of leeway, as it is I’m sure hard out there for everyone, and everyone is entitled to recount their own miserable experience — that’s why Yahoo.Tumblr.com exists — and he at least didn’t straight up say that it is MORE difficult for men, and he– oops yes he did. Take it away, Vin Diesel in your perfect interview with Men’s Fitness (via FilmDrunk)!:
The “Fast & Furious 6″ star opens up about body image in the latest issue of Men’s Fitness, where he also addresses how his muscular frame has affected the movies he’s been offered.
“Hollywood is more concerned about its male actors being in shape than its female actors,” he continues.