"Cut!" the director shouted. Brad Pitt relaxed, breathing out through his mouth the way that his live-in yoga instructor had taught him. It had been a strenuous five minutes of playing make believe…   Read Story »

Pinto Pete, who had gotten his nickname years ago while riding the rails because he refused to eat pinto beans even if that was the only type of beans available, could hardly believe his luck. Here…   Read Story »

4-0 Bieber advantage. John Waters pretended to smooth out the front of his cardigan but in actuality was attempting to dry his sweaty palms. His palms were too sweaty! It was hard to grip the…   Read Story »

As an actor, Mark Ruffalo traveled the world, which was not as glamorous as it sounded, consisting mostly of fancy but anonymous hotel rooms and walking through the bright and antiseptic corridors of…   Read Story »

Gretchen Carlson's hands were shaking so hard, she could barely get the bottle of Aquafina to her lips, and some of the water spilled down the front of her silk lilac blazer. Her throat was so dry it…   Read Story »

Randy Quaid stared out over the dusty tennis court and the fetid swimming pool filled with human feces. His permanently furrowed brow seemed to add creases by the day, and this day was no different.…   Read Story »

Eric Stoltz was ridiculously drunk. He had started with beer, just, like, four or five beers around 2PM, or maybe it was 3PM, but it was definitely two or three PM and it was definitely not a big…   Read Story »

Joaquin Phoenix and Casey Affleck kissed their loved ones goodbye. It was a tearful event, but everyone agreed that it must be done. A cool breeze kicked up, providing a refreshing relief against the…   Read Story »

Christine O'Donnell put on her Don't Fuck Me heels and adjusted her ash gray lipstick in the mirror. She made sure that her vagina was ice cold and that her metal panties were locked on under her TJ…   Read Story »

[Gabe loves fan fiction. You Can Make It Up features his own personal alternate adventures starring some of our favorite characters.] The irony, the man thought, as he thrashed his arms and legs,…   Read Story »