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 0Posted on Apr 29th | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (18 comments)

You know nothing facetaco!

 0Posted on Apr 26th | re: Tila Tequila Creating Energy Balls And Electricity (58 comments)

Nothing funny to say here. The pride with which she boasts that she’s producing energy “very quickly these days,” that in fact her delusions are progressing, is sad touching miserable irony.

 0Posted on Apr 25th | re: This Is Just A Good Anti-Gay Marriage Video (42 comments)

Just three lesbians having a healthy conversation about adultery … what’s the problem you guys?

 0Posted on Apr 22nd | re: The Moment I Learned That I Couldn't Control Fire (11 comments)

My parents told me I could do anything I set my mind to. Imagine that let down.

 0Posted on Apr 17th | re: Fuck CNN Though, For Real (67 comments)

For real with this! I’m dating someone who seems to primarily get her news from cnn.com. Having never visited the website myself, I was shocked to discover that an otherwise reasonable person believes that this counts as reading the news.

 0Posted on Apr 16th | re: What Will Be Our Virtual Reality Headset? (14 comments)

Grandma’s got the toaster on her face again. Play along you guys.

Except Gabe lets Kelly wear pants (I imagine).

 0Posted on Apr 9th | re: TV's Fakest Websites (4 comments)

I enjoy the technobleepy noise that pages make when they load.

 0Posted on Apr 4th | re: (36 comments)

:(

 0Posted on Apr 2nd | re: The Lesson Here Is That Everyone Should Just Be Nice (22 comments)

Will someone fix the upvoting?

 0Posted on Mar 28th | re: What "Important Part" Will Taylor Swift Play On New Girl?! (25 comments)

That picture reminds me of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSKXmVE32uk

Which will always brighten up my day, forever.

 0Posted on Mar 26th | re: Uh, What "Trails" Has Emma Watson "Blazed"? (31 comments)

I thought succumbing to dysentery was succeeding at Oregon Trail. Naming the party after teachers you disliked and sending them on a grueling pace with no rations was standard fare at my school. Bonus points if you KILLED ALL THE BISON.

 0Posted on Mar 26th | re: Uh, What "Trails" Has Emma Watson "Blazed"? (31 comments)

All awards are largely meaningless constructions of the industry?

 +3Posted on Mar 19th | re: Your Dream Celebrity Wedding Officiant (39 comments)

Last chance. Give me tears of joy on the count of three.

 +5Posted on Mar 19th | re: Your Dream Celebrity Wedding Officiant (39 comments)

Hushpuppy is the flower girl.

The ushers are people of intrest — Lindsay Lohan, Courtney Stodden, various Housewives. Not sure why, that’s just how I feel this wedding is going to happen. Morgan Freeman seems upset. Amy Poehler’s in the pews, but not part of the wedding.

 +6Posted on Mar 19th | re: Your Dream Celebrity Wedding Officiant (39 comments)

Morgan Freeman.

http://www.amazon.com/Over-Edge-Death-Grand-Canyon/dp/097009731X

People really do fall into the grand canyon. Good on you. Stay away from that stupid thing.

I remember watching “Man on Wire” and being extremely stressed by the whole thing, even though I knew that guy would be OK.

Now it’s like, please, Russian teens on the Internet.

Help Poppy Harlow complete her sentence about what she witnessed in the courtroom. Below you will find something that Poppy Harlow actually said, and five potential completions to her thought. Identify which completion is NOT reasonable.

“It was incredibly emotional. Incredibly difficult, even for an outsider like me to watch, as…”

a) “…the assailant approached the victim in the courtroom.”
b) “…a humiliating act of rape was punished with a one year sentence.”
c) “…it was revealed that a dingo was responsible.”
d) “…the rapists went to fake prison.”
e) Whatever the fuck she actually said about the bright promising students.

 +5Posted on Dec 20th, 2012 | re: Baked In A Butterly Flaven Crust! (20 comments)

lol dementia

 +7Posted on Nov 1st, 2012 | re: Some More Great Kelsey Grammer Playboy Mansion Party News (42 comments)

I love this story so much.

 +5Posted on Oct 18th, 2012 | re: Courtney Stodden's 52-Year-Old Husband Defines "Child Molester" (22 comments)

Calling Doug Hutchison a child molester does in a way belittle a true child molester. He’s just being literal.

 +2Posted on Oct 16th, 2012 | re: Barack Obama Locks Down Powerful Honey Boo Boo Endorsement (21 comments)

At 40 seconds. Why does the audience hate boullion?

 +3Posted on Oct 16th, 2012 | re: Barack Obama Locks Down Powerful Honey Boo Boo Endorsement (21 comments)

Anti-boullion?

 +27Posted on Oct 15th, 2012 | re: The World's Most Expensive Cocktail Is Super Boring (31 comments)

However you decide to propose to Kelly, make sure to do it publicly.