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That One
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 +19Posted on May 25th | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments (71 comments)

Ingredients:
1 tiny slice red bell pepper, 50% more pith than pepper
1 floret cauliflower, because why the hell not? Just put it in the middle and shut up
1 avocado, halved (leave peel, make sure it’s at least six days from being ripened (also put some M&Ms on there because fuck you)
1 bunch brocoli, all florets removed and disposed of, save the bridge because why the hell not?
2 inch-long strips carrot
1 bottle store-brought taco sauce
1 flour tortilla
650 lbs pre-shredded cheddar

Preparation:
Make all that shit into a fucking face.

 +4Posted on May 25th | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (13 comments)

This is incorrect.

 +3Posted on May 22nd | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (34 comments)

That’s Don Demillo next to Will Forte!!!

 +25Posted on May 22nd | re: Donald Trump Congratulates Will Smith (18 comments)

Will Smith is a great guy. Sascha Baron Cohen is untalented. NBC likes me. A human head weighs eight pounds. I like turtles.

 +20Posted on May 18th | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments (47 comments)

That baby dinosaur was such an asshole. I’m glad he’s dead.

 +15Posted on May 18th | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments (47 comments)

I’m pretty sure I spelled “anallingus” wrong in that comment but I’ll be a licked asshole if I’m googling that shit.

 +6Posted on May 18th | re: Little Boy Wears Blackface To School, Everyone's Head Explodes (33 comments)

When we let the recess bell ring, when we let it ring from every hallway and every cafeteria, from every classroom and every school, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s kids, black kids and white kids, the kids who’s families don’t celebrate Christmas and those whose families do, bullies and nerds, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old spiritual, “Recess at last, recess at last. Thank God Almighty, we have recess at last.”

 +6Posted on May 17th | re: New Krispy Kreme Track Drops! (Two Days Ago!) (39 comments)

Check out 1:43. TBS Very Funny.

 +8Posted on May 17th | re: New Krispy Kreme Track Drops! (Two Days Ago!) (39 comments)

I think this is hilarious and am 98% sure that it is intentional.

Come on, “I’ll through AIDS at your car”? The posing with the trophies? Bragging that he didn’t get scared on a ride at the county fair? Great stuff.

 +12Posted on May 17th | re: An Old Man Shows You How To Do Something (20 comments)

Every time I see a video like this, I think about how there’s probably ten similar videos where somebody is horrifically injured.

 +7Posted on May 17th | re: Joe The Plumber Is Running For Congress, A Sketch Comedian (38 comments)

Short answer is those things you mentioned that benefit everybody do fall under the umbrella of socialism. We’ve always had a mix of capitalism and socialism in this country.

 0Posted on May 17th | re: Liam Neeson In Taken 2 (44 comments)

Taken Aback

 +9Posted on May 17th | re: Joe The Plumber Is Running For Congress, A Sketch Comedian (38 comments)

Very good shoulder pads on that jacket. Looks great.

 +15Posted on May 17th | re: Joe The Plumber Is Running For Congress, A Sketch Comedian (38 comments)

Jesus Christ, could Joe The Plumber look any more like a sexual harassment lawsuit? I can almost hear him calling a coworker “Tits”.

 +6Posted on May 16th | re: The Petting Zoo: The Week's Top 10 Animal Videos (19 comments)

CAREFUL, PANDAS! SOMEONE’S GOING TO GET HURT!

 +4Posted on May 16th | re: Uh-Oh, Nick Stahl Has Gone Missing (23 comments)

You guys, if you’re a sort of famous actor an you’re going to do drugs, probably don’t do them in Skid Row.

I am failing at the internet today.

As a sidenote, a totally normal thought I just had: Do people who are really really ridiculously attractive, not just like “the hottest woman you know” or “the hottest man you’ve ever seen in person”, but one of the most gorgeous people on the planet, are they ever satisfied with a partners looks? I mean, obviously I know so much more goes into sexual chemistry than objective beauty and facial symmetry and the like, but on a certain level, isn’t it sorta like Michael Jordan being forced to play one-on-one with a variety of Lukes Walton his entire life?

I wish I was this Chip Hemsworth fella as I would stare at myself in the mirror all day.

 +4Posted on May 15th | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (20 comments)

I am so ashamed right now. Uh… here, take it anyway:
http://www.hiyoooo.com/

 0Posted on May 15th | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (20 comments)

This belongs to you.

 +19Posted on May 15th | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (20 comments)

“Louie, I think this is the beginning of a casual acquaintance of a mutual from college.”

 +1Posted on May 15th | re: It's Upfronts Time Again! (49 comments)

Very good names for shows all around. Good job, everybody.