Ugh. This is just sad. Although, it does give Gabe an excuse to break out the C.R.E.A.M. tag, so at least there’s a silver lining. The mic is hectic!

That was a really good BS Report. Also, sports.

Maybe realistic isn’t the right word. Did the Na’vi look tangible? No. They looked like pretty special effects. The Prawns were much more believably constructed. Frankly, they just looked better.

This movie sucked. One of the most derivative, unnecessary movies I’ve seen in awhile. It was like a videogame, but with no level of interactivity (the ACTUAL appeal of videogames). Not to mention the fact that its absurdly expensive effects ($300-500 million?!?) resulted in aliens that didn’t look anywhere near as realistic as the Prawns in District 9 — a movie with like a tenth of Avatar’s budget. Oh, and FLOATING MOUNTAINS?!? How could you gloss over those, Gabe? How stupid is that??? Physics do not magically change just because it’s a different planet.

The Sergei quote they had was great (easily one of my favorites), but I’m not sure why they didn’t include “Why always Boris?” Season 2 was painfully underrepresented in that compilation. No Ziggy, Horseface, or Vondas? Come on.

I couldn’t stomach the Jackie Chan trailer after those damn kids ruined his Cosby sweater with that garbage. THAT WAS A NICE SWEATER. DAMN YOU KIDS!!!!

I’m surprised by the number of basketball fans here. I thought monsters hated sports! Apparently we’re all Free Darko-reading, Basketball Jones-listening, sports fans.

Myke Hawk lost a lot of money on that outcome.

Yeah, this is good, but the best? Maybe if Richie Cunning’s name was “A-Ha,” and the song was called “Take On Me,” it would be. Right now? He wishes.

There are more people from West Michigan on here than I expected. I really wish something like this had happened to Miranda instead. Having met her personally, she is a smug, self-righteous, BITCH.

See, I think Crank exists to expose other retarded action movies for what they are. The fact that it does this while remaining ridiculously entertaining is pretty admirable. I don’t think the rape scene is supposed to be rational. It’s basically making fun of the usual action movie cliche that women love dangerous, musclebound men and will love them unconditionally, regardless of all the terrible shit they have to go through to do it. Crank just takes this 5 levels higher than your average action movie does, just like it does with every other terrible action movie cliche (i.e. terrible/vague/incomprehensible/nonsensical plots, random fight scenes, ridiculously over the top stunts).

I feel like this is the end of Harry and the Hendersons, but there’s NO LESSON. Where will I get my Paul Rudd news from now? I would never have watched the interview where he and Jason Segel make fart noises without you, Lindsey. You will certainly be missed.

I don’t want to turn this into nitpickgum, or anything, but Hoekstra is a Representative. The most conservative district in my state might be crazy enough to elect him, but Michigan would NEVER allow him to be Senator.