MISSED CONNECTION

YOU: HARD BODIED, HARD WORKING WAITRESS
ME: MONOPOLIZING THE PHOTO BOOTH

CALL ME AND YOU CAN WIPE AWAY A SINGLE TEAR FROM MY EYE

here’s what i dont get: north carolina didnt already have that amendment! have you been there? north carolina, despite containing the word “north” is an incredibly quote unquote southern state. what is going on down there that they were the 30th state to pass such a thing. they were just sleeping on their dubious legislation or what?

they have plastic over the bed and radiator! what are they doing?

greek is really stupid and fun and something kelly would be great at recapping and i accidentally didnt vote for it. greek! i watched every episode but also dont understand why it exists.

additionally i would like to know why no one ever talks about how super weird elizabeth banks’ hair is. its like a weird overly teased mullet all the time?

i think if your fetish requires a dedicated room of the house and apparatuses that require more than one person to move, you need to edit your look. too many accessories! try something less busy, like a foot fetish or buying used panties.

women. making. herstory.

most beauty products are marketed with completely meaningless pseudoscience. “look younger! micro-jujubes will eat your wrinkles! anti-aging particles will spackle in your acne scars! youre a girl, so i know science scares you and you wont think to hard about it! buy the splenda facial!”

the first time i realized the truth about santa, i saw the christmas episode of hanging with mr cooper. mr cooper didnt believe in santa but then something something there were gifts anyway? i couldnt believe i didnt figure it out since 75% of christmas episodes are about the main curmudgeon not believing. mr cooper does not hang with santa.

my favorite “i like christmas but i dont want to seem like a psycho with my mug of cocoa and burl ives songs” jams are some chill christmas covers by joel rakes. http://christmas.joelrakes.com/
very soothing when you are wrapping presents and the paper tears at the corner and then you put the gift tag over the tear but it looks stupid and you try to move it but the tear gets bigger and you think about making a patch but will anyone notice?

ugh why is that so small?? whatever

this is going to sound mean, but i felt a deep sense of relief that 1) i didnt have to watch the whole thing. you can just turn it off! 2) these people don’t know me and ask me for compliments

i didnt realize it until 3 minutes into the video and it turns out i was so tense about it!!

also one time i went to a taping of the 700 club. im pretty cool, is what im saying.