There are many things that I would like. I would like time and a half for overtime. I would like this floor to shine like the top of the Chrystler Building. I would like Mae West to comeup and see me sometime.

Mick Jagger said it best. You Can’t Always Get What You Want.

It’s still worth reading even though GABE spoiled part of it for you. [Nice one, Gabe.]

It’s never Lupus.

I played it loud in front of my cats. Bert howled loudly, and indignantly, I might add, and tried to use his tiny kitty claws to brake through the glass door in order to hide in the shower. His brother Ernie, on the other hand, snored loudly through the whole thing.

I thought it was sweet.

Look, I realize I’ve been accused of being unsentimental, but I never thought I would be raising not one but TWO souless demon cats! Twins no less!

Should I be buying more garlic or something?

No, but he has done it again. How many weddings has it been for this fool? 6? 15? Eleventy?

Pants go in, stains come out. Nobody knows.

My dad loves Crocs so much he bought a pair of Red Sox Crocs for my uncle. It was the first Christmas after my mom had died, so my dad was out shopping for presents on his own for the first time in decades.

He had intended them as a peace offereing as he’s a die hard Yankees fan and Seamus, my uncle, was, er, not. My aunt and I were, needless to say, quite horrified on Christimas morning when Dad handed Seamus his gift and the treasures inside were revealed for all to see. Seamus, for his part, was delighted.

Saldy, they were the wrong size and, as the baseball season for the year was well over, could not be returned. So what does dear old Dad do? He, rightly, orders Seamus another plain pair of Crocs, but then keeps the Red Sox Crocs for himself. He wears them pretty much everwhere. When people ask if he’s a fan, he replies, “No, I like the Yankees.” I think he only gets away with it on account of his English accent.

My father has neither taste nor shame.

Huh, really? Because the trailer is, erm, underwhelming.

It kinda looks like “Fight Club” meets “The Good Girl” meets “The Sunshine Cleaning Company” only with more children and unnecessary explosions.

Seeing as I did not especially enjoy any of those movies, this isn’t what you would call a complimentary description.

NObama Surprises

Yes! I like the new record very much, but it is too damn short!

I am also one of those idiots who shelled out $48 for the double vinyl version. Why does an album clocking in at less than 40 minutes require two records, Thom? Why?

Those 60-some odd pieces of art better be worth it, Thommy. The world is a small place. I will find you — even if it in means I have to leave my house to do so.

I hope that someday I am fortunate enough to find someone and fall in love so that on Valentine’s Day I can give them a bizarrely photoshopped card with a misspelled reference to a character from “Friends” on it.

Until then, at least I have my cats.

I’d add that I have my dignity as well, but clearly that is a lie.

I was just going to say that they’re considerably better at this game than I am. And, in my defense, I’ve always felt that being short put me at a severe disadvantage.

Even though they are clearly far closer to the ground than I am. . . .

Sigh.

Apparently I am as good at logic as I am at tetherball.

So, sports, they’re, like, a metaphor? For life?

Huh.

Interesting.