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soldier_of_fortune_cookies
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 +3Posted on Nov 30th, 2012 | re: Friday Adele Butterdance Party! (18 comments)

And that’s enough for today, Internet.

Go home, Internet, you’re drunk.

 +13Posted on Nov 19th, 2012 | re: Saturday Night Live: Jeremy Renner And Maroon 5 (23 comments)

I thought it was just OK. It bugged me that they had Cecily Strong play both Paula Broadwell AND Jill Kelley. She made a great Jill Kelley but why not put Kate McKinnon in a brown wig and have her play Broadwell? She’s got the big blue eyes. It was just a dissonance that bothered me more than something on SNL should have. Jeremy Renner was good. They did not give him good material but he did his best with what he had.

 +4Posted on Nov 5th, 2012 | re: Saturday Night Live: Louis C.K. And Fun. (39 comments)

I could not understand a single word that dude was singing.

 +4Posted on Oct 23rd, 2012 | re: Saturday Night Live: Bruno Mars (And Tom Hanks) (29 comments)

Sad Mouse was more sweet and touching than I’ve come to expect from SNL. Every other sketch was over-the-top mugging, men in dresses (LOL EVERY TIME), and crude sex jokes. I thought Bruno Mars did a great job. They could have given him more to do, he clearly is capable.

 +2Posted on Oct 8th, 2012 | re: ABC: Always Be Continuing-To-Sell-After-Someone-Faints (10 comments)

It almost looks like she begins choking on invisible food. Is she OK? I hope she’s OK. #QVCHostVigil2012

 0Posted on Oct 8th, 2012 | re: Katherine Chloe Cahoon's Music Video Is Here, Perfect (36 comments)

Is that her real singing voice? Because it really isn’t half bad. Which is a shame because everything else is a filmed definition of the German word “Fremdschämen”.

 +3Posted on Aug 10th, 2012 | re: Louis C.K. And Television As Conflict Management (17 comments)

Its completely self-indulgent, sometimes downright uncomfortable to watch, and yet it is still funnier and more clever than most every other show on television these days. Sometimes I relate to a situation, sometimes I cover my eyes and feeling fremdschamen for everyone on screen. As for the Maron bit, it felt a little off to me, but knowing that he was also on the WTF podcast makes this seem like a sort of bookend – like they both needed to have an outlet for the situation from both of their perspectives. But really, you’re right, who cares? Who gives a crap if Louis CK and Marc Maron had beef and it took 10 years for them to get over it. I don’t know. Its funny and real life is hard so sometimes I enjoy staring at the lives of others.

 +2Posted on Aug 9th, 2012 | re: Maybe We Actually Should #GETHAZED (35 comments)

And then the elephant head fell off the mount and engulfed Chet all the way to his waist #gothazed

 +9Posted on Aug 9th, 2012 | re: Everything's Cool With The Princess Diana Biopic, Says PRINCESS DIANA! (12 comments)

It was so much more awkward when Martin Wuttke said the same thing about playing Adolf Hitler in Inglorious Basterds.

 +7Posted on Aug 8th, 2012 | re: That's Your Boyfriend: Chill Assassination Attempt Victim (24 comments)

Uncontrollable salivator.

 +14Posted on Aug 7th, 2012 | re: Ragu: For When Your Parents Are Getting It Wet (39 comments)

Ragu: For when teaching the lessons of life is just too hard.
“Mommy, why is grandma laying in that box?” – Marinara!
“Dad, Erica smiled at me and something happened in my pants.” – Bolognese!
“Where did mommy go?” – Mushroom and basil!

 +2Posted on Aug 7th, 2012 | re: Teen Korner: Target's $999 Hunger Games Brooch (27 comments)

Whatever, bitches just be jealous of my Orin.

 +7Posted on Aug 6th, 2012 | re: Here Is An Extended Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Trailer (31 comments)

NOPE!

 +2Posted on Aug 6th, 2012 | re: Smoke Free Campus Rap Is Worth It (21 comments)

You know what the world needs? More joke raps by people like this. It helps if they bounce up and down while waving their hands gracelessly. More of this, please. Lots and lots more.

 +12Posted on Aug 6th, 2012 | re: Who Is Your Desert Island Celebrity Dream Date? (37 comments)

Michael Phelps. What now, Lochte?

 +13Posted on Aug 6th, 2012 | re: NASA Scientists Celebrate The "Curiosity" Mars Rover Landing (20 comments)

Big fan of the Mohawk’d flight director. Ladies??

This was such a great thing to stay up and watch. I can’t think of any jokes about it because every time I do I remember that they just landed a giant SUV-sized rover on the surface of Mars using parachutes, thrust rockets, and a James Bond-style rope deploy drop that was perfected by minds much smarter than my little brain. Too awesome.

 +6Posted on Apr 4th, 2012 | re: Track Runner Falls And Does The Worm, Girls Fall In Love (11 comments)

I’m waiting for the slow-mo remix set to children singing Radiohead’s “Creep”

 +12Posted on Mar 21st, 2012 | re: Farmers Only: Finally, A Dating Website For You! (A Farmer) (53 comments)

Not to be cornfused with “PigBlower69″

Yikes, right?

 +4Posted on Mar 21st, 2012 | re: Farmers Only: Finally, A Dating Website For You! (A Farmer) (53 comments)

BigPlower69

 +6Posted on Mar 21st, 2012 | re: Farmers Only: Finally, A Dating Website For You! (A Farmer) (53 comments)

You know what city folks get? That the “American Gothic” cutsie cartoon they use to portray a happily dating couple was “A farmer standing beside his spinster daughter”. Father-daughter lovin! I guess city folk DON’T get it.

 +1Posted on Mar 1st, 2012 | re: Best New Party Game: Tyler Perry Movie Titles (105 comments)

The Iron Lady, a film about Madea

 +7Posted on Mar 1st, 2012 | re: Uhhh, Here's What You Wanted? (32 comments)

Oh the downvote! I meant that in reply to the original moth post not the one about Gary Busey. I always want Gary Busey.

 +3Posted on Mar 1st, 2012 | re: Uhhh, Here's What You Wanted? (32 comments)

I did not want that at all. I wanted a pony. This guy got it all wrong. Give me what I want.

 +3Posted on Mar 1st, 2012 | re: Uhhh, Here's What You Wanted? (32 comments)

That is not what I wanted at all.

Needs more Univore.