And it has 1-2-3, 4-5-6, 7-8-9, 10-11-12 pieces of pepperoni. Which is just perfect for a ladybug picnic.

If Zombie Parkour is bitten by a radioactive spider, does he become Zombie Spiderman?

Ah, yes. I was going to make a Doug Pitt joke but I couldn’t remember his name or the website for Google.

Those nets everyone seems to have around their trampolines don’t really seem to lower the risk of falling off, but the poles they’re attached to greatly increase the likelihood of taint impalement.

Maybe that should be my next career move: make Sportsgum happen, convince Buzz Media to pay me to write it, and become as famous as Gabe or Kelly.

Home Alone For Once

Thanks a lot. Now I have to start playing Silent Hill games.

Isn’t that always the way? One minute you’re making a video about how your lizard turned out to have a dick, and the next you’re committing arson to ensure that even the memory of the time he shit on you will be naught but a pile of ashes in your subconscious.

Hi, guys!

I haven’t been around much the last few weeks because of my new job, but I just wanted to check in at the Ball and say that I miss you all. Best. Commenters. Ever.

It is a goddamn crime that I can’t upvote this.

Bale looks like he’s starring in a Tom Cruise biopic and they’re up to the part where he did Tropic Thunder.

Playground injury story –

When I was a kid (about 4 years old?), I went to the playground with my dad. I wanted to go on the seesaw. So we go over to the seesaw, and before I was able to get on it, my dad hopped on the other end. While I was not sitting on my end, I was standing very close to it. That damn thing came up and full-force whacked me right in the face. Man, he was one sorry dad that day.

Site’s broken. They’re apparently working on it, but until then Kelly has asked that you keep a tally of your upvotes on a piece of graph paper and overnight it to her so she can count them up before the Ball tomorrow.