PET STORY TIME: I was on the balcony reading a book this weekend while my formerly feral king of the alleys mini-panther dozed beside me and a stray came onto the rooftop right below my balcony. Catticus woke up and started stalking this cat, and they both had their ears back, and things were getting very intense, so I picked Catticus up and put him inside. He was all tensed and ready to spring and as soon as I grabbed him, he just went limp and his growl turned into a sad little plaintive meow and then he hid in shame inside the apt and I laughed and laughed and laughed at him because his behavior was very “moooooooom you’re embarrassing me in front of my friends!” I explained to him that I know he was once the proud ruler of this very rooftop, but then I cut off his nuts and trimmed his claws and old age is making his teeth loose and sorry buddy but I can’t afford to pay the vet bills when you get your ass handed to you because you aren’t the killer you once were. I apologized with some treats and we agreed not to speak of the incident again.

I had an avocado and Oaxaca cheese sandwich with like half a cucumber in it because I do what I want! I also had an orange and two quinoa-mango-orange cookies and I’m going to a friend’s place for pancake dinner because my life is like a beautiful dream!!!

I am going to assume he was interviewed by an elderly man, and gave him a big, full body bear hug and sloppy mouth kiss before asking him not to make him look crazy.

In public school our lunch lady had an aneurysm, probably because kids are the worst, but none of us knew what that was and when she came back our teachers told us to be extra nice to her because she had had an aneurysm and everyone kept asking her “Hey Pam, how’s your aneurysm?” and we still didn’t know what that was but we knew it made her sad and uncomfortable, and that was enough for us to keep saying it ALL THE TIME. Pam, if you are reading this, on behalf of all of us I am so sorry. Kids are pieces of shit sometimes.

I wonder if Doug and Courtney have a PR person. It seems to me that when an 82 year old washed-up bit-part actor and his 10 year old child bride in porno drag want to go to Disneyland, someone should be there to be like “This will remind everyone of why you make them so, so uncomfortable and I do not recommend it.”

That said, the picture of them in the Ferris wheel when he is trying desperately to kiss her and she is too busy mugging for the paps to even notice is a legitimately wonderful contribution to pop culture and might replace HMSgoose’s pizza comic as my new background.

Every time it was spelled with a g in that post I read it with a hard g. I just can’t help myself, it’s been ingrained. I’m so sorry, Mr Wilhite.

I’ve read the Douglas Adams ones too. I used to have the giant omnibus edition Hitchhiker’s Guide but lent it out and it never made it’s way back to me. I’ve also already read Portrait in Sepia, but I love Isabella Allende so much, I will happily read it again.

1, if you’re going to read this summer, you should be reading Steph’s book Follow Her Home because it is seriously so good!

2, I’m going to be doing more reading than watching this summer because I’m not really excited about any shows that I haven’t seen yet and also I like to read. I may have bragged about this a million times already, but my new house has a room that is wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, so when I went to get the keys I popped by a used book store and picked up some classics that I haven’t had a chance to read yet. These will be my summer, and probably winter too because it’s a lot of books, reading list. (I am also going to knit a cat)

As soon as she told Kirk to turn around I let out an involuntary “uuuuggghhh”, and then the guys behind me kicked my seat because that is legitimately annoying when you are trying to watch a movie, but I couldn’t help it! It just came out! (twhs) For real though, there was nowhere else she could get changed? She couldn’t ask him to step outside for 2 seconds? And when he peeks, she doesn’t throw her discarded clothes over herself and yell “GET THE FUCK OUT, I TOLD YOU NOT TO TURN AROUND AND YOU HAVE BREACHED MY TRUST” like any normal person would have? It’s definitely very “this girl is a big tease who is trying to seduce Kirk” and even knowing who the character is in the greater Star Trek universe, I was waiting for her to turn out to be evil and working for the baddies because it makes her seem sort of devious.

Guys, I’m pretty sure that the commander of the ship they assign Spock to for the 30 seconds that he’s not assigned to the Enterprise was Michael Dorn (Worf from TNG) because I would know that voice anywhere, but he’s not credited and it’s not on Dorn’s IMDB page. Did anybody else notice this?

The thing I didn’t get was, why did they need Khan back? I’m going to go ahead and assume all 72 of our little torpedo friends were superhumans, right? We couldn’t have just extracted some frozen blood from one of them?

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