Did I ever tell you all about how I proposed?
My girlfriend embarrasses easily, and had always made it clear that if I proposed in front of other people or all of our friends or via a flash mob or something like that she would immediately turn me down. I would joke about this a lot, sending her these flashmob engagement videos and everything and implying that I had a huge plan involving thousands of white stallions. We were both pretty open about us probably getting engaged at some time this year, but in late April it really felt like it was time (after 8 years together). So I found a really nice antique ring on etsy and started making plans. PRIVATE plans.
The ladyfriend and I are members of the Brooklyn Botanic Garden, which is fairly close to our apartment, and we try to go there fairly often. I had gotten the ring from etsy (yeah, I went there) the week before, and was trying to figure out the right time to “pop the question,” and so I asked her if she’d rather go to the Botanic Garden or take the dog to Prospect Park and have a picnic. She chose the Botanic Garden, which I was pumped about, because of privacy, and even though it was sort of drizzling off and on it was a really beautiful day, and – while we were waiting out a little downpour – we saw a pair of sparrows, with the male feeding the pregnant female, which seemed apropos. The entire time I kept looking for the perfect place to propose, and as we started to head back near the front, I decided to drop the question in front of this amazing field of bluebonnets that only blooms for like one month out of the year. But then that seemed really thematically sketchy, and – as we got close – there was an entire tour group taking photographs in front of it.
So that was a bust – but immediately off of the bluebonnet field is the Brooklyn Celebrity Path, which features paving stones with the names of Brooklyn-born celebrities. I figured it would definitely be more private, and so I quickly detoured us up the path.
Once I felt like we were alone enough, I turned to Kristin and told her that I had been thinking a lot about my life – about what I was doing and what I wanted to do in the future 5, 10 or 20 years down the road. But the one thing that had stayed constant in every one of my scenerios was that we were still together. And it made me realize that being with her was the most important thing in my life, no matter what else I did.
This is when I noticed a spandex-clad jogger quickly moving towards us.
I realized that I could either try and keep talking but not actively propose for a minute or so more, or I could just drop to one knee and let the chips fall where they may, and – since it would have been extremely awkward and weird if I had all of a sudden started talking about the different trees around us – I chose the latter. She began to cry and she said yes and the jogger jogged past behind me in the least obtrusive way possible. We hugged and kissed and it was really nice – and then, when we started to leave, she said, “Oh, find out whose stone you’re kneeling on, so we can find this spot again.”
I looked down and saw this:
SO THAT’S HOW IT’S DONE, NEWS ANCHOR.
Guys, with the top ten comment post so close, we are going to have to really pull together to get the preceding comment to number one.
This guy was just a guy you’d see around Montreal a few years ago – once i was on the bus with him, and some drunk asshole kept trying to sell him weed and he really politely and quietly kept shutting him down.
He is now internet famous because he’s been featured in several fashion campaigns because of his tattoos. So it’s not like he’s a model who secretly is covered in tattoos – he’s best known FOR the tattoos.
“Wilbur enjoys ze barnyard…but I find it to be…a place of….relentless muhrrrder.”
The best thing about that Lanvin video is that it is literally just a video of models playing Kinect Dance Central for the Xbox 360. Someone on another blog I read noticed that the dance moves and song are identical to those in the game:
Which explains why the models look like they’re concentrating really hard! They’re scoring MEGA POINTS.
“Go gentle into that good night.” – Gabe
Personally, at the extremely young age of 25 I have already lived through a couple of media cycles of “WATCH OUT FELLAS, THE GIRLS ARE DOING IT FOR THEMSELVES!” commentary about different, traditionally male forms of culture, like comic books, punk music, etc. And every time I’ve had to watch female artists that i really enjoy and respect get smashed against the rock of media bullshit. I don’t begrudge these artists, who have to do a really intense calculus which pits popularity against the sad realization that more people will be into your (totally great!) work if you spank someone in lingerie. But I am dismayed and discouraged that this still is considered a legitimate option.
I will say…I’m extremely glad to find these comments here, even if they are this far down.
If you were four blocks away from Cobble Hill Cinemas watching X-Men at Court Street on Friday night, I’d like to apologize for the bloody rampage I went on after three toddlers started crying because the woman sitting next to me answered her phone for the third time. I hope that with time and therapy the images of one man driven too far, ripping seats out of the concrete floor and hurling them like a gorilla, will one day fade.
I’ve started biking to work (from Brooklyn to Chelsea in Manhattan) in the last few weeks. I am not a great cyclist, and so I’ve made it a point to follow traffic laws- I stop and wait at every red light, I only use bike lanes in the right direction, I never drive against traffic, etc. I just don’t want to end up getting hit by a cab or something, and have it be partially my fault.
In the last few weeks, I have only ONCE seen another cyclist who stops at red lights, walks his bike on the sidewalk, etc. People seem to think that being on a bike is like being a super-car or something, where you can/should blow through lights at your own discretion, or suddenly veer into traffic for no reason. As a conservative estimate, I would say 90% of bike riders in New York routinely break traffic laws every time they get on a bike, for no reason other than wanting to get places faster.
There’s a huge political shit fight going on in New York right now over bike lanes, and it’s more or less just a weird cultural battle between people who want free street parking and people who want to ride bikes, but shit like this doesn’t help. Cops are over-reacting with bullshit tickets, like riding with a tote bag on your handlebars, but there is a genuine problem with people on bikes consistently ignoring traffic laws. It’s infuriating, and I have to say, cops ticketing people for actual violations is probably what the New York bicycle community needs, just to normalize bicycles for people.
VIDEOGUM EVERYWHERE MISSION: Propose to your loved one in a private, personally appropriate manner.
Based on that article, Dave Foley should be doing a video called IT GETS WORSE.
I watched the “behind the scenes”, and it was full of the director and actresses talking about how this is a REAL sitcom based on how broke girls in Brooklyn REALLY LIVE and I was like, uh, she’s a HEIRESS. I know at least 15 broke girls who live in Brooklyn, and none of them are HEIRESSES! At least have the balls to be like, we decided to combine what we think poor girls in Brooklyn are like and also regular sitcom bullshit.
Haha I aggressively spell her name wrong.
Oh, man, this morning in the shower I actually wrote a rap with Gwenyth IN IT, about having a dream where I’m a Hollywood Mogul:
My first morning meeting was a late lunch
Nobody had had breakfast so we called it BRUNCH
I was remaking the Breakfast Club with Alia Shawkat
We agreed that Ally Sheedy was like a backwards She’s All That
She asked, do you have a girl?
I said, do you have a man,
She nodded to her left and there was my friend Dan
I was like, Dan, holy shit, how’d you bag the Kat?
He said, Silencio por favor, yo soy el Bat
All of a sudden he was Mexican Batman,
I was so confused I started shining like Scatman
so we all had waffles like Suzanne Somers.
All of my brandy was V.S.O.P., and
We made all the waffles from re-ci-pes
From Sophie Dahl, and Gwenyth Paltrow
And then Gwenyth agreed to sing the outro
and then there’s an outro of her wailing “HOLLYWOOD DREAAAAAMSSSS”
I watched the trailer for “The New Girl” and I basically thought it looked like a joke trailer? Like, if SNL decided to do a really subtle sketch about how shitty some TV shows are, they’d make this, with Deschanel as a special guest.
I have no explanation for anyone making a show that obviously bad. What is she doing there? What is happening? HOW’D IT GET BURNED?
is he harvin’ a larf?
When I read the title “My Pxssy be Yankin” I actually made a little “ohhhh” sad face.
Sorry, I should clarify- that’s less a “title” and more “what I immediately thought upon hearing that Bristol Palin is getting a reality show”
I have the most John C. Reilly boner.
Yeah, this is one of those things where it’s WEIRDER if you’re not getting off.
Hey, Monsters- may I ask an internet favor?
I need you to help me be able to write fan fiction in exchange for a free table.
Basically, BluDot, the furniture company, is doing a “swap meet”- where you propose doing something for them in exchange for furniture. I proposed…. personalized BluDot fan fic.
Could you give me upvotes? Upvotes…for Fan Fic?
They deleted the scene where Hitler is at the Nuremberg Rallies and all of a sudden a telephone booth falls on him.