I, too, have cried while on the elliptical trainer! But only at Rudy and The Return of the King. I save my sweaty gym tears for the good shit.

For a second when I first saw it, I thought it was the same girl In different wigs and poses. And I had no idea who she was.

I gotta be honest. After about 2 minutes of this, I went back to Keyboard Dog for a palate cleanser.

My mom says “No, David Blaine!” now. Except when she forgets his name and calls him Roger or Charles. But I think “No, Roger Blaine!” is funnier, so I let it go.

Although my favorite part of this (though it’s all great) is usually guessing which mention of Ashlee Simpson!Arm Folding will lead to that SNL screencap, this week I spat out a bit of my frappuccino at “Boo-hoomkat.”

My kickball team captain would not be impressed. He’s too busy making up cheers to the tune of We Will Rock You to care about Clues.

I went to see it Friday night, and on Saturday a friend asked me how it was. I just said, “I don’t know.” ‘Cause I don’t. I mean, it was funny. It was definitely funny, but at the end I was just like, “Why am I here? What just happened? What was point of that?” I guess I felt it was lacking in motivation. It felt a little empty to me.

I think my feelings about the whole film were very nicely represented by the chaos of the cage match. I loved the Lutz and Bruno thing; I probably could have just watched a movie about their story. I thought the cage match was a beautiful moment in their relationship, and it just made me sad that the moment had to happen while they were getting food and furniture hurled at them. Maybe that was the point. I don’t know. I definitely need to see it again, without the element of surprise, and then I’ll figure out what I think.

Definitely the most exciting part of a Reds game.

What about the shemales? Who will speak for them?

I was very religious in my youth. Very, very religious (Junior Bible Quiz National Championships religious.) And yeah, I came back from college a raging pinko commie longhair, but it didn’t have anything to do with being “force-fed” some sort of liberal agenda.

It was because I started thinking. I stopped accepting what I was told simply because that’s what I was told. (Including what I was told in class.) And I was forced to finally acknowledge all the doubts and unanswered questions about my faith that I had had as a child. And I just couldn’t make it make sense anymore. If you can reconcile your religion to your worldview, more power to you. But I can’t.

PS. I also attended an EXTREMELY conservative college for a while, but I sure didn’t sway to their way of thinking. So don’t blame the colleges.

Back to the Future. You know it’s coming. I can totally picture Zac Efron looking perplexedly at his watch while standing next to a DeLorean. Although I guess it wouldn’t be a DeLorean. Mini Cooper? PT Cruiser? Smart Car? I have no idea what the kids/mad scientists are driving these days.

Good job, Candle Eye productions.

Are the other Law and Orders still on? Or have they given up on them?