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Next year, instead of having 10 pest picture nominees, they should just add a new category for “Best Institutional Racism in a Motion Picture.”
RAAAAAAAANDY’s dad, everybody! Let’s hear it.
A Terrence Howard Reminder: When the water shortage hits, there will be open and unpunished murder in the streets, so it’s OK to pee in the shower sometimes.
INT: JACKS OFFICE – NOON
JACK: Lemon! Come in.
LIZ ENTERS
JACK (CONT’D): I noticed your name on this year’s NATAS Emmy Judging Panel. As you know, the Emmys are being taped broadcast on NBC this year. The Sheinhardt Wig company has a vested interest in your vote for primet-time comedy Lemon, and I trust you to make the right decision.
LIZ: Dr Dreamboat’s Lost Adventures with the Fart Machine of Time?
Jack: Family Guy.
Liz: Jack, that show is garbage!
Jack: You and I and anyone who can see the ocean from their house know that, Lemon. We need to draw national attention away from the awfulness of Dr Dreamboat. We can maybe squeeze three more seasons out of John Stamos. The only way to do this is by giving Seth McFarlane the scorn that only undeserved critical accolades can bring. Can I trust you?
Liz: Blurg!
SCENE
there is no truth. only leotards.
Look at his face! He’s trying SO HARD to keep from speaking in tongues out of sheer joy!
This man is happier than I have ever been.
I know what you are. You’re orange, greasy, irresistible, and bad for me.
Say it!
Sweet potato fries.
Fobody’s Nerfect!
LISTEN- This is important news, you guys. Ben Silverman is the man who WENT TO BAT for Friday Night Lights. Dude gets it. This is sad because a guy who understands what good things are is now leaving his position of power. The Panthers just lost a booster, dudes.
Never forget.
This is promising! My online identity is so much more likable than my actual identity! Now my web presence can follow me wherever I go. Also my boss can listen to the blog posts I write about hating work- WHILE I’m AT WORK! This is so much easier, you guys! I love the future.
Or the Eternal Stealing Paul McCartney’s Royalties. That was classic.
Thanks for the time of my life.
Gabe is now the David Foster Wallace of the internet.
jinx! buy me a sugar water!
man, that kid is going to get so many awkward, painful handjobs.
Is it inappropriate to say you looked Gorgeous in that article that announced your layoff?
Also- yikes! I can’t imagine having an entire article written about how I don’t have a job anymore.
I also walked out. The best (actually the saddest, worst) thing about this movie was that I was given pity-popcorn from a couple of “Urban Teens” because I looked sad, watching this horrible film alone.
Sorry, “Urban Teens” I was sad because I could have been drinking alone with my $10.25 and I wouldn’t have to see two men phoning it in so hard that they might as well have been in a telecommunications-themed gay porno.
A telecom-themed gay porn would have been much more fun to watch alone, drunk on $10.25 worth of wine. Great weekend.
Auto-tune? Really?! Green Day? Auto-tune?!!
My childhood has officially been raped. This is what you old people must feel like about the Karate Kid movie. I feel your pain now.
Make it so!
Die Softly at a ripe old age surrounded by friends and family
Well, that’s it. We can give up on ever achieving something. As a people. This is it. The pinnacle of human achievement.
“I’m a Jay Leno fan” -Everyone you shouldn’t listen to.
We’re going to need a bigger Silence of the Lambs joke.
This is what happens when Kanye sings into his Xbox.