Find Me On:
You must be the short depressed kid we ordered
I laughed really hard when Nellie said, “I get what they’re doing, but why are the graves so shallow?” Also when Andy said, “Thanks, Dad. I mean, Daryl.”
Yes! I was sitting there feeling all bittersweet and the TV was like “HANNIBAL STARTS RIGHT NOW!” and I was like, “NO, IT DOESN’T!”
Brown rice and grilled asparagus
I rode my bike to work today and while I was at a red light, a drunk homeless guy came up and got in my face and was speaking gibberish but then asked if I wanted some beer and pulled a 40 out of his coat and when I said no thanks he pretended to smash it over my head, but here’s the thing…. he had the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen!
I was getting ready to watch The Walking Dead a couple months ago and this girl texted me and she was like, “What are you doing?” and I was all, “I’m about to watch Walking Dead!!!!!!” and she goes, “I hear 27 people are supposed to die on there tonight” and I was like, “WTF?!?!” and she was like, “What?” so I was like, “Spoiler alert, yo!” and she said, “Oh, really? But it’s all over the internets.” At this point I stopped texting, but she kept going with stuff like, “I thought you read the comics” and “I assumed they meant zombies”. Anyway, I guess the thing I hate most about people who spoil stuff is when you call them on it and they refuse to apologize. They’re always like, “What? Who me? I didn’t do nothing. Let me explain why it’s not a spoiler.” GRRRRR!
I woke up late, ate a pot candy and was working for a bit, but then that Zach Braf kickstarter thing happened and I got really distracted. Please bring back WMOAT!
Don’t forget about my scrotum!
I hope you’re not hoping too much!
King Curtis: You don’t have to say, “You better put yogurt in my parfait now or I’m getting the fly swatter” ….you don’t have to be that mean, you can be nice…or you can leave…my house.
Holden: You’re in a dessert aisle, walking along, when all of a sudden…
Leon: Is this the test now?
Holden: Yes. You’re in a dessert aisle, walking along and all of a sudden you look down and…
Leon: What one?
Leon: What dessert aisle?
Holden: It doesn’t make any difference what dessert aisle. It’s completely hypothetical.
Leon: Well, how come I’d be there?
Holden: Maybe you’re fed up, maybe you wanna eat dessert, Who knows. You look down and you see a parfait, Leon.
Leon: Parfait? What’s that?
Holden: You know what yogurt is? Same thing.
I only like think pieces where Kelly indirectly talks about me playing saxophone in the bathtub.
Well, let’s not start sucking each other’s thumbs quite yet.