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Intravenus de Milo
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We need waaaay more upvotes for the way you ouro’d that boros. A+++ would read comments again

 0Posted on Apr 24th | re: You Can Just Do Whatever You Want (65 comments)

I had a dream it would end this way.

 +25Posted on Oct 24th, 2012 | re: Finally, You, Too, Can Eat Garbage Food Like A Troll (48 comments)

What a coincidence, I own an exterminator company called Shaggy 2 NOPE

 +4Posted on Oct 24th, 2012 | re: Finally, You, Too, Can Eat Garbage Food Like A Troll (48 comments)

Donna! Darko!

 +17Posted on Oct 24th, 2012 | re: Finally, You, Too, Can Eat Garbage Food Like A Troll (48 comments)

The Onion Rings to rule them all.

 +4Posted on Oct 17th, 2012 | re: The Second Presidential Debate Of 2012 Open Thread (115 comments)

“O my stars! The tempers flare so righteously between these gentlemen! If only… they could… stop… arguing…”
:: faints dead away ::

 +1Posted on Jul 26th, 2012 | re: Benedict Cumberbatch Was Nice To Someone! (57 comments)

I was just thinking the same thing! That *has* to be what she’s referring to. They’re from the ELCA, the awesome lutherans. And I think their youth gathering is every three years, so you have some time to breath now…

 0Posted on Jul 26th, 2012 | re: Benedict Cumberbatch Was Nice To Someone! (57 comments)

I met Alex Trebek when I was young and foolish, although we only exchanged words when the cameras were rolling. Looking back, I think he was only in it for the money. (In all fairness, so was I.)

 +1Posted on Jun 19th, 2012 | re: Well, Woody Allen's Son's Tweet Is A Bummer (33 comments)

I believe we’ve found the real winner of this thread.

 +8Posted on May 18th, 2012 | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments (47 comments)

But stay north of 31st street if at all possible… not because the South Side is inherently bad but because otherwise my brilliant plan to stay holed up in Hyde Park will be foiled.

(Although it would all come crashing down anyway if Obama decides to stop by his house for any reason… let’s hope he brought enough toothpaste and sunscreen from the White House.)

 +11Posted on May 8th, 2012 | re: Heaven Just Got A Little More Maurice Sendak (22 comments)

Heaven just got a little moreice Sendak.

(Sorry, I’m in the nonsensical gibberish phase of my grieving process.)

(Seriously though, this man’s imagination is such an indelible part of me that I hear his name and I’m instantly transported back to my elementary school library… one room, sunny but a little musty still, the goofy librarian who most kids don’t like but I don’t mind… I remember the exact spot on the shelves where the SED-to-SEL section was located… it takes first-grade me some effort to reach up to where the SEN books are, but it’s totally worth it. The librarian is like “again with this?” but I can tell she secretly approves. And I just read and imagine, read and imagine…)

 +1Posted on May 1st, 2012 | re: Let's Make Up Some Equally Stupid New MTV Movie Awards Categories (78 comments)

Is it weird that I totally remember this being a category in 1999? I mean, obviously it was a total joke, but I definitely remember Deep Impact being nominated for one of Morgan Freeman’s pauses. And Lisa Kudrow presented the award, but never announced a winner because OBVIOUSLY.

OK, back to grad school!

 +29Posted on Feb 27th, 2012 | re: The 2012 Academy Awards (101 comments)

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner for Best Adapted Deanplay!

 +4Posted on Feb 10th, 2012 | re: Rick Santorum Is An Incredible Asshole, Feb. 10 Edition (58 comments)

For previous editions of “Rick Santorum Is An Incredible Asshole,” please see: any news article in which Rick Santorum attempts to articulate a policy position.

 +6Posted on Feb 8th, 2012 | re: The Rock Will Be President Someday, Says The Rock (45 comments)

The slope from Barack to The Rock is mighty slippery, my marsupially-inclined friend.

Also, something something if Rocko can’t even win an election for dogcatcher, etc.:

 +33Posted on Feb 8th, 2012 | re: Ellen Scores A Point For Gay Rights AND JC Penny's Brand Image (72 comments)

Purrrrrrfect…. I shall send them gifs! Gifs of their daughters’ favorite pop icon kissing the voice of their daughters’ & sons’ favorite animated fish.


Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, &c.

 +5Posted on Feb 8th, 2012 | re: Ellen Scores A Point For Gay Rights AND JC Penny's Brand Image (72 comments)

I know, right? Oh Minnesnowta. They’re going to test my faith in their awesomeness in November, too, when they vote on that ri-DIC-ulous anti-marriage referendum. Let’s defeat it, guys & gals! Ugh. I guess this means I should prooooobably come out to my family and then convince them to vote against it.

In honor of E-Dawg, I’ll do it in a JC Penney.

 +4Posted on Feb 7th, 2012 | re: Here Are Some Afternoon Links! (11 comments)

Guys!!
Probably nobody is going to read this, BUT: I literally just watched Die Antwoord perform on The Late Show with David Letterman, and it was the most AWKWARD THING EVER! Dave did not know what to do when he shook Yolandi Visser’s hand and she had these freaky-ass giant black-lens contacts in her eyes. Also the audience was completely weirded out since they’re like 90% tourists from Nebraska.

Oh, thank god Craig is on now. He’ll make everything better.

 +4Posted on Jan 25th, 2012 | re: The 2012 Academy Awards Nominees (128 comments)

Wait… has there really been no mention around here of Jim Rash getting a nod for “The Descendants”??? He’s our very own Academy Award nomidean!

Now he’s a real big-time celebrity.

 +10Posted on Jan 16th, 2012 | re: Saturday Night Live: Daniel Radcliffe And Lana Del Rey (30 comments)

In spite of some bumps along the way, this episode of SNL had me J/K ROWFLING all night!

(Off I go, then.)

 +6Posted on Jan 16th, 2012 | re: Saturday Night Live: Daniel Radcliffe And Lana Del Rey (30 comments)

Without question the shih-tzu skit made me laugh the hardest (though when he first rolled out there something about the costume was unsettling, nigh terrifying).

But I’ve never seen a sketch make better use of the British/American dialectic, where the Brit says something ridiculous and deadpan, the incredulous American takes it at face value, and the Brit proceeds to exasperatedly point out that yes, he was being sarcastic. God, they are so GOOD at that! (Or maybe this is just what happens to me all the time.)

The Ancient Mystic Society of No Homers was unavailable for comment.

 +15Posted on Aug 3rd, 2011 | re: Mariachi Band Serenades Beluga Whale (28 comments)

A little downbeat for mariachi, no? It’s like the whale’s being played off after losing on a Mexican game show.

 +4Posted on Aug 3rd, 2011 | re: Mila Kunis Is OUR Generation's Bradley Cooper (66 comments)

Next up: Elias Koteas busts out some halfway-decent Esperanto to an audience of three pigeons and a homeless person at the corner of Broadway & 133rd.

 0Posted on May 26th, 2011 | re: Best New Party Game 54: #PalinFilmNames (103 comments)

The Aleutianist