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hotspur
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 0Posted on May 20th | re: Star Trek: Into Darkness: A Movie Review (47 comments)

Totally agreed on #1. I went in wanting to see Kirk go all Kirk on the Universe and instead he gets demoted, almost cries (nice acting btw), and spends the rest of the movie as kind of a supporting player in the Will Spock Deal With Emotions And Become More Human story, which (related to #2) if you’re going to put Spock in a romance with Uhura but then locate all his emotional moments in scenes with Kirk, that’s borderline slash-fic! I didn’t actually fully note that till you pointed it out, though, catweazle! And here’s why: because mainly I spent this movie waiting for it to be fun instead of being about 9/11.

So much 9/11! Ugh. I wanted glorious escapism and instead I got ships flying into buildings and Kirk duped into militarism, and so on. Even Peter Weller — it was fun to see him, but later when it turns out he’s super-evil warmonger guy, his casting becomes meta and preachy, like, “What have we become, post 9/11? We have lost our humanity; we have become part machine, like Robocop.” The politics felt so overt to me.

I mean even the fillmmakers decided they didn’t want veterans of Iraq to feel personally criticized by the politics built into this movie, so they dedicated it to them. That’s weird. Super weird.

Oh yeah and: What the heck was Original Spock there for? New Spock asks him How did you win last time, and then they cut away so we don’t hear the answer. Later, New Spock punches Khan a bunch — so THAT was Old Spock’s advice? “Punch him a bunch. Then maybe beam the communications officer down with a phaser”?

 0Posted on May 20th | re: Star Trek: Into Darkness: A Movie Review (47 comments)

Scottie drank a Budweiser when he was thrown off the Enterprise. My favorite character is probably Scotty’s friend. I mean not my favorite but I like him a lot.

 0Posted on May 20th | re: Vin Diesel Exposes Hollywood's Body Image Problem (49 comments)

Holy God, a Joe Rogan Sherlock would be AMAZING.

Who’d be his Watson? And his Moriarty?

 0Posted on May 17th | re: Monsters' Ball: The Week's Best Comments (45 comments)

It’s fun to think about messing with Michelle Bachmann (“Ooooooooooo mmmmmmichelllle, there’s nnnnnnooooooo heavennnnnnnn… OOOOOOOOO!”) but what if we just do the afterlifish equivalent of whatever we do now? I’d end up as one of those ghosts who just lurks in a doorway and if you put your keys down maybe I shift the mail on top of them. For like 100 years that would be my job.

But tonight I’m going to see Star Trek! “Beam me there!” you guys.

I’d have to watch the sex tape to judge; maybe it just shows something age-appropriate for a 13-year-old, like a rainbow party.

 0Posted on May 16th | re: Patton Oswalt Vs. Amy's Baking Company (17 comments)

I feel like Amy might honestly be helped by Dr Drew.

 0Posted on May 15th | re: UNDENIABLE Evidence: UFO Drops Off Couple At Wedding (15 comments)

And potentially gay, depending on the state.

THAT’S ENOUGH ATTITUDE, JON WILSON. Do you think we’re gonna let you hold a gun to our head and we’re gonna give you our ass and let you do anything you want from us??

(NO!)

[imitates Jon Wilson and his serious major attitude]

I was in a restaurant once while they were filming the Gordon Ramsey show and in fairness, he ruined the experience; the kitchen slowed way down and we heard arguing. Then the waiters in a panic ran out hors d’oeuvres no one ordered because the food everyone did order was bogged down. So yikes, I’d agree that G-Rams coming to your kitchen is mixed news at best.

ALSO, I think we can ALL agree that Katie IS a poisonous littler viper who thinks she’s our boss. Good riddance to Katie.

 0Posted on May 14th | re: So, Did You See The Great Gatsby? (26 comments)

Gosh, that’s great. I might have to order that.

 0Posted on May 14th | re: So, Did You See The Great Gatsby? (26 comments)

I didn’t see it and I’m afraid to. Gatsby is my favorite 20th-cent book and I think they can only ruin it.

 0Posted on May 14th | re: About Gwyneth Paltrow's $950 Shot Glass (30 comments)

If everyone in this thread so far contributes — there’s 12 of us — we each need to kick in just $87, hahahaha.

 0Posted on May 14th | re: About Gwyneth Paltrow's $950 Shot Glass (30 comments)

 0Posted on May 14th | re: About Gwyneth Paltrow's $950 Shot Glass (30 comments)

The best part of this $950 toy is that the sense of humor and class it suggests you have is the same as if you shopped at a place like Spencer’s, where for $6.99 they sell clever shotglasses that say “I’ll have what the man on the floor is having” and “This bitch loves to party” — or these:


That is the same!

 0Posted on May 14th | re: Angelina Jolie's Double Mastectomy (37 comments)

Maybe we can raise awareness by giving Tig Notaro a heart attack.

 0Posted on May 14th | re: What Other Stupid Restaurants Should Be Dumb Movies? (45 comments)

Starbucks: Based on the Novel “Moby-Dick” by Melville and the Coffee Franchise

 0Posted on May 13th | re: Astronaut Chris Hadfield Reflects On His Life (19 comments)

I hope other astronauts follow his example and entertain us.

(Seriously, this guy’s the best. I’m so happy we have him around.)

 0Posted on May 10th | re: Disney FINALLY Makes The Brave Princess More Beautiful (83 comments)

Okay, I am a dumb. Kate having a niece means Kate’s SISTER has a baby.

I’m going to go now, and probably spill things on myself and trip on stuff.

 0Posted on May 10th | re: This Week In Movie Trailers, You Guys (31 comments)

I will totally see Gravity. I love space and that looks like the big screen will be used.

When I was 12 I read a story by Ray Bradbury that this movie reminds me of. If you want to read it, it will probably take you 10 minutes: http://www.scaryforkids.com/kaleidoscope-by-ray-bradbury/

 0Posted on May 10th | re: Disney FINALLY Makes The Brave Princess More Beautiful (83 comments)

badideajeans can tell you more than I can because she worked there directly, but I have a friend who works there, so since badidea’s said she’s busy I’ll jump in with two cultish details.

1) There’s a “secret door” in the New Orleans section, behind which is a staircase leading up to a secret restaurant called “33.” You can gain admission only by joining a secret club, which costs $10,000 ANNUALLY — and it is so popular, there is a 14-year waiting list to join this club.

2) On their big anniversaries of employment, employees receive special pins. Like, a Mickey pin for 20 years or whatever. And this is considered an amazing prize. People are jealous of the pins, and aspire to them. Can you imagine if your employer said “You’ve been here 20 years, here’s a trinket with our logo on it?” You’d say “Thanks, jerk, how about a raise,” and throw it in your junk drawer. But employees there are so indoctrinated that they see true value in this toy. My friend who worked there called me all excited when she got her 15-year…

Although, hilariously, she noted she’d worked there 21 years but the first 6 didn’t count due to weird practices of temping/part-timing that badidea already outlined. Did she resent them for cheating her out of those 6 years? Yes! But as soon as she expressed dissatisfaction — in a private conversation with me, a friend — she immediately reversed it, saying O but she loves the place, and they’re so smart, and so good, and she’s so lucky! IT IS A CULT.

 0Posted on May 10th | re: Disney FINALLY Makes The Brave Princess More Beautiful (83 comments)

Wait. Kelly has a 2-year-old daughter now?? Way to bury the lede, videogum.

Now I’m picturing Kelly at work (aka in the next room, Googling cute animals on YouTube) while Kate babysits (aka watches TV while playing a laser pointer around the floor or however it is you entertain 2-yr-olds). “Mom, keep it down, I’m trying to PERFECT THIS SENTENCE ABOUT BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH.”

Kate refuses to keep it down. She shouts back, “You do your best work in adversity, honey! Remember how funny you were in the Friendly Chat about the Spring Breakers trailer? You wrote that during a kitchen fire!”

“Ugh,” Kelly thinks. “At least she did not go to Chicago.”

 0Posted on May 10th | re: Disney FINALLY Makes The Brave Princess More Beautiful (83 comments)

Uh-oh. We’re too late. She’s already super goddamn hot:

 0Posted on May 10th | re: What Should The Tagline Be For SLC Punk 2? (18 comments)

That one actually seems like 100 years ago. I ran my Babbage’s Adding Machine on Win95. It had an amber monitor.

 0Posted on May 10th | re: Disney FINALLY Makes The Brave Princess More Beautiful (83 comments)

My nieces are way, way into princesses and same thing: my brother and his wife are mystified. They did nothing to spark the interest — she loved them on her own, and now they can barely keep up with that love. They’re confused as to why her absolute favorite is Sleeping Beauty, the most passive one (my niece is not the best explainer of why SB is her favorite; and SB is NOT hot, no way would I hit SB if Ariel were around, or Rapunzel). But one thing I noticed is that last time I saw my niece, she was wearing a (temporary) tattoo of Tiana (the black one) and she also likes Jasmine a lot, so, from age 5 the princesses are bringing her into a very multicultural world. That’s a good thing. #silverlinings

(NOTE: Mulan’s acceptable, but apparently Pocahontas can suck it.)

 0Posted on May 10th | re: What Should The Tagline Be For SLC Punk 2? (18 comments)

Uh, this was my actual reaction while reading the post. Not my candidate for a tagline. But it probably works that way too.