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Mr. Hausfrau
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(my dog eats watermelon like a champ. but we have to feed it too him outside (messy!) AND take it away before he gets to the rind because, yes, he will just keep eating.)
STUPID CAT! DON’T EAT THE RIND!
MY MOM WAS SO PISSED AT THIS! I thought she’d hurt herself!
“What the Hell happened!?”
“IT’S MAGIC WAND YOU DUMBASS! MAGIC! WAND!”
Do you remember when everyone was pissed at Chris Pratt for trying to give his cat away on twitter? and he’s all like, ‘WE CAN’T HAVE A CAT THAT [whatever it did. piss on everything? shred everything?] IF WE ARE GOING TO BE BRINGING A BABY INTO THIS HOUSE!” And people were all like, “BABY!” and then he’s all “Ok, we’re trying to have a baby AND find a good home for this dumb cat.” ANYWAY that was months ago and i’m probably making most of that up.
Remember? do you remember me making a lot of this up probably?
Did anyone see the Fashion Police where Joan Rivers interviewed Miss Piggy?
“If I knew you had prepared Pig Jokes I would have brought some Dinosaur Jokes.”
“You are such a bitch.”
I LOVED IT! couldn’t find a clip in the ten seconds i was on google looking for it….ah well. trust me it was great!
Also he looks like that baby from Ally McBeal. #WHATEVERTHATIS!
yeah, he’s not doing that for his health. i hope uses his new upper body strength to teach his parents a lesson. a shovey kind of lesson….or maybe a stop-hitting-yourself kind of lesson. “YOU MADE ME DO THIS! Oh, you’ll put down the camera now! Do you think I LIKE hitting you…with your own hand?”
Halifax? at least the Drag Race cruise is going on a warm MAYAN ADVENTURE! huh…it goes during December….and is even taking you to ‘End of the World Mayan Cities of Uxmal & Chichen Itza’…. is this how it all ends? Well, let’s fuck like it is! GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY!
ha. i was like, “Stupid Kim, Glendale isn’t a real place! Are you trying to be Meta or whatever that is?” and the i was like, whoops! Who’s the REAL big-bottomed, celebrity, idiot whore? #stillkim
I like how in the end it turns out he was Bruce Willis the whole time. #spoileralert
“Siri, could you find me a huntsman to cut out her heart? Also, what’s the eta on my soup?”
Yes! Isn’t she just adorkable! ♥!
I literally JUST had Pizza. but not dancing. #frown
Red Pandas are so in this season.
I remember when I saw Titanic in theaters; I went on February 14 with a girl(what!?) because I forgot it was Valentine’s day. By the end of the movie she was crying and i was laughing and then the old lady went “Aop!” and I laughed harder and i’m pretty sure every person in the theater hated me. HAHA! WHAT A STUPID NOISE! OLD LADY YOU ARE A NUT! HAHA!
I did end up going to see it again with my sister and her friend…but by that time it had been in theaters for like four months and i sat towards the back and just chuckled the whole time. “I’ll never let you go Jack even though i’m litralee letting you go” *crunch noise frozen hands make*
Long story long, I would totally see this movie again because i have forgotten that it lasts 4 hours and is mostly stupid.
“you know that’s a band and not a movie, right? …I’m pretty sure you just meant ‘Big Fish’”
“Shut up, mom.”
Real Big Fishing
well, they’ve pretty much wiped their butt with the comics
…….as far as i can tell from reading the wikipedia about the comics.
U: “Shaking hands is actually the least amazing thing i can do.”
O: “I can frown.”
U: “Do they give you cheese for that?”
“Holy shit, this dog knows tricks!”
“Holy shit, this carpet talks!”
#DRAGRACE #onaloop
“KRISTEN, WHAT THE HELL?” – Kara Minelli, anchorperson, crazy eyeballer
Those theater bathrooms are where the action is AT. i mean…he doesn’t need to see the movie, he was in it! #bangbang
“THAT’S the Joke” – Rihanna, Battleship, 2012