I also graduated in 2005 and I can’t log into Stereogum where I’d normally share this, so awkward prom story time?

September, Senior year. The principal dropped in at the beginning of a period to give us an inspirational pep talk about the future, all that good stuff. He told us about how his daughter had introduced him to this song by Lee Ann Womack called “I Hope you Dance”, and how it really made him feel how it’s important to grab life by the horns and face it head on.

He would drop in several times throughout the year, giving us a similar speech each time, always mentioning that song and those gosh-darn-motivational lyrics. “If you get a chance to sit it out or dance/ I hope you daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaance”.

So prom finally arrived, I went stag, yadda yadda, pleasant enough time, and then BAM. Principal got on stage and introduced the song as the official “Class of 2005 Last Dance Song”. Having watched way too many teen soaps/John Hughes movies, I took this as a dramatic camera-revolving-around-me sign, and I went up to my #1 crush and asked her to have the last dance with me. She turned me down with a grimace, and I was left standing there kinda awkwardly. Trying to remain cool, I “casually”(aka super awkwardly) asked the rest of her table “Hey, any of you other girls wanna dance then?”

All of them looked away and left the table.

After prom my friends went to the woods and sat in a pit and got drunk.

Anyway, anyone else have prom bomb stories?

Yeah I thought Thanksgiving Friday was all y’all Americans biggest shopping day extravaganza blowout ever?

Also, here in Western civilization Easter Monday is no big deal but in Poland it’s called Smingus Dyngus (aka Wet Monday) and you get to spray people with water.

TOTALLY FOR SERIOUS, INTERNET IT.

Well what did you think your friend’s brother was doing on his laptop all day? Looking at hentai?

Das Auto? More like Das Racist!

Beyonce might not be that great, but no way is she as bad a singer as Madonna is. That voice is as flat as soda that has been left out for too long and gone flat. And just as tinny.

I suppose that’s an accurate list of good 2012 releases, but I’m wondering how Prometheus beat out Looper? I thought the general consensus was that Prometheus was a confusing mess?

Also, if y’all ever get the chance, here are a few of my picks that I think were very good this year.

- Safety Not Guaranteed
- Ruby Sparks
- Celeste & Jesse Forever
- Jeff Who Lives at Home

Highly derivative.

I think it’s funny that Sylvia Wiggins looks exactly how you’d imagine a Sylvia Wiggins to look like.

I’ve tried to ignore them for the past little while. You know, treat the ad the same as I would a Capital One Mastercard ad that offers you a fast, easy, and safe credit card for today’s modern times. But maaaaan I just can’t help myself sometimes, and on a few occasions I’ve given them more than a cursory glance. And well, speaking of cursors, then I move mine over the ad, and it turns from an arrow into the pointing hand.

And well things just get a little randy from there.

Hey Emma, are you stoned?!

I like Napoleon Dynamite best, it’s really quirky.

This is just like those kid animal movies, and now Corey is shouting “Go on! Get out of here! I never loved you!”

But soon he will miss her and leave a trail of pudding cups back to his house.

So uplifting, just look at the spring in his step!