Find Me On:
Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead? Lumet and the rest of the film crew went nekkid during one of Marisa Tomei’s nude scenes.
“Hello there, child of the eighties! Don’t be frightened, soon your flesh will be as dry and decrepit as ours! One of us…one of us…one of us…”
The Woman Who Loved Women
“…and to think this happened while NBC was grooming Bin Laden to be my replacement on the Tonight Show. Who’d've guessed?”
The Bourne Senility
“The millions that I’ve made doing Vegas shows allowed me to become a more spiritual, giving person,” he said, his right leg deftly concealing the dried semen and coke that Juanita still hadn’t cleaned from the orgy couch.
I’m kind of impressed by how transparently primeval the whole thing is.
Two thousand-something years ago: On your knees, or the Sky God will murder us all!
Several centuries, a billion cellphones, and a zillion gifs later: On your knees, or the Sky God will murder us all!
A bunch of twentysomethings pretending to be high schoolers pretending to deliver moldy noir lines with conviction at each other is about as new and interesting as that kiddie version of Bugsy Malone. Also, the inscrutably evil cane-wielding drug dealer is played by Lukas Haas, who’s about as terrifying as a koala bear.
<–will co-sign on adding Brick to the WMOAT, but not before Red Planet and Paranormal Activity.
They thought they were going to see Sesame Street. But Gary showed them Hell.
As Tiffany cleaned the wax model, she wondered how Jason Statham got into Madame Tussaud’s ahead of Justin Bieber. After much pondering, she decided it had something to do with Statham’s twelve-inch horsecock.
Tiffany began to scrub the model a bit more vigorously. A few moments later, an accident at the Large Hadron Collider vaporized the Earth.
Love Happens (to be Useless Against Chainsaws)
27 Dresses for Buffalo Bill
Say Anything…Oh Wait, You Can’t, Because I Sautéed Your Vocal Cords
On the eve of his retirement, Regis Philbin was in good spirits after the world’s cultural archivists completed the arduous task of replacing his blood with formaldehyde.
“PLAY HIM OFF, KEYBOARD CATS!” *Cue Batman-versus-furries fight scene, scored to the keyboard cat video*
Or: “I have come here to poop on kitty litter and scratch up furniture. And I’m all out of kitty litter.”
Cannibal Prostate Exam
For All Stoners
Disregarding the news of drastic budget cuts, the cast of Terminator 5: Cybergasm looked into the camera with hope and quiet anticipation. From here on out, they thought, we’re set for life.
The Day After Tomorrow, We’ll Stop at Walgreens and Return Grandma’s Gifts
Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 0 BC
I Know What You Did Last Hanukkah
Nailin’ Palin Rises: Fistin’ Bristol
The Texas Chainsaw Storage Area
In the early days of the zombie outbreak, celebrities desperate to stave off the inevitable catered to whatever remaining fantasies, imprinted after decades of exposure to television, still resided in the zombies’ decomposing brains. Above is the last known photo of a fully intact Luke Perry.