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The worst part of this is I can’t get that fucking “Spiderwebs” by No Doubt out of my head now. (LOLOLOL J/K! The worst part of it is getting the puke shivers from this video and then the bone deep fear that this is how it all ends. GOTCHA!!!)
ahhhh! I feel like… maybe too excited about this?! Longtime reader, new poster, and all that jazz, so this is a big, delightful surprise! Sorry, Mom, but if accidentally besmirching your good name gets me internet approval then I hope I do it a million more times!
oh! Also! ALSO! I work at a theater where I also act sometimes, and I have a giant boner for t his one dude who is basically prom king of the theater (everyone looooves him b/c he is beautiful).
The only bathroom is not far from the stage and I’m pretty pee shy so I tend not to use it, HOWEVER on this night I had been working for a few hours and drinking lots of coffee and needed to have a quick numero uno.
So… turns out, I had not locked the bathroom door, and the boy who I had a crush on opened it to see me peeing and checking my FB updates with one hand.
if the giant shaft of light shining out didn’t alert everyone in the (dark, natch) theater to someone being in the bathroom, I didn’t know what to do so I just started going “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” until the dude closed the door.
Anytime he sees that my status was “updated via mobile” I just KNOW that he is picturing me on the john. SAD.
When I was like, 7 I was VERY into Married, With Children even though I didn’t understand a lot of the sexual jokes. In one episode, Kelly tells some sexy story that is not very related to a topic but ends up pointing them to some solution and Marcy (oh man. MARCY!) says that she has “the morals of an ally cat”. I, because of context clues, and also Aesop’s Fables assumed that phrase meant “you tell stories that hide the point of what you are saying” and so when my mom told some story around a lot of her adult friends, I was excited to bust out my new zinger and said “hahah. that is a crazy story, mom. you sure have the MORALS OF AN ALLEYCAT!” and then I like, sitcom smiled and waited to bask in the approval of all of her peers for my super awesome stolen quip.
That is not how it went down. Horrified stares all around and my mom, after like 10 seconds of silence was like “a) do you know that you just called me a slut? and b) have you been watching “Married, With Children” again?”
I still cringe all the way to my very marrow remembering that moment.
I also live in Manhattan and would like to meet up (I am a big ole lurker/creeper)
but I mean, let’s even say that life did begin then, and fetuses feel pain. Ladies still have to be a life support system for it. It can’t live outside of us, right? The Government can’t compel me to donate a kidney – even if it would clearly and unambiguously save the life of a living, breathing person who can obviously feel pain. If that fetus lived inside of me, and then I birthed it, and then as a 4 year old kid, walking around, needing more sand, it needed my bodily resources -a kidney, a blood transfusion, etc. – the government could not and would not force me to provide them. So why is it different when something/someone is trying to LIVE INSIDE MY BODY? dumb.
I felt this exact sort of disconnect with it, but I imagined it as a kindly giant robot, who, after the centuries long robot wars, was the last of his kind, and only had us to keep him company, and was jerkily, and hesitantly playing our favorite game where we (humans) are all “Use your big crazy robot arms made for destruction to shake us up! you are terrifying and it is fun for us!”. Poor fella! Don’t we get that having our fragile little lives in his giant robot hands reminds him of all of the millions that he slaughtered without a thought in the robot wars?! Can’t we see he’s in pain and needs a friend – not to be made into some sort of carnival act?! Ugh. we are the biggest jerks.