I normally don’t consider 30s-40s to be old, but whenever I see a picture of anyone over like 25 at the Teen Choice Awards I laugh at them and imagine them getting ready for it in a depressed yet detached manner. Looking at their clothing thinking “Is this what kids half my age want to see me wear? I can’t fucking believe this is my life.” and then getting drunk because that’s the only way to get through it.

Poll: Which do you think feels weirder for them?:
Winning and having to thank all these little children while holding a surfboard they’ll never use or find a place for in their house.
or
Not winning. Going to the fucking Teen Choice Awards and not even winning. Sitting there clapping politely thinking “God why am I even here?” not knowing whether the slap of the snub or the relief of not having to get up and talk and see more pictures of yourself at this absurd place.

Vote now!

That reminds me of when a guy I knew said he showed his girlfriend Audition after leading her to believe it was a romantic drama. Sort of a little funny even though it’s also horrible.

Cowboys and Aliens looks crazy and stupid, and I love that. Clear winner.

After my eyes were finally able to wrench themselves away from Courtney Stodden’s soul-hungry grimace in the Farrah wannabe picture I noticed that her elbow points the wrong way. You guys, I’m definitely not trying to be a bully because bullies are bad and Courtney Stodden doesn’t like them and I’m afraid of her, but I’m just going to say it: I am pretty much 100% sure she is not a human being. I think she started of as one of those things from Species but got into a The Fly machine with a leather purse and some kind of HP Lovecraft creature.

Just Dance came on the radio while I was watching this, and it worked pretty nicely.

I mean that they gave to kids. I saw a Good Guy doll from the original Child’s Play in a Planet Hollywood when I was a kid, so *that*’s probably the coolest toy I’ve ever seen at a restaurant.

I used to ask to go to Taco Bell on my birthday too! I was allowed fast food at other times, and I could pick any resturant I wanted for my birthday, I was just that serious about those tacos as a kid. Actually, I am still pretty serious about tacos because they’re great.

I wanted to upvote this but the little thumbs are hiding, so this comment counts as one upvote for you.

I see what you did there!

I bet your Daniel Plainview impression brings all the boys to the yard, Kelly!

I don’t know if I’d say atheists need to fight for equal rights, but there are still a lot of people who will react to “I’m an atheist” as if you said “I rape baby bunnies to death”. I’ve had hateful, hurtful, ignorant things said to me by people who liked me just fine before they knew.

Look at you with the formatting! Fancy.