June 26, 2008

You Can Make It Up: Wall-E Writes A Letter To His Roommate

Gabe loves fan fiction. You Can Make It Up features his own personal alternate adventures starring some of our favorite characters.

Dude,

I just wanted to take a second and clear the fatally-polluted-to-humans air. The fact of the matter is, however tense things have been lately, we've still spent the past couple hundred years together on this abandoned planet, me picking up garbage, and you doing, well whatever it is you do. Reading dictionaries or whatever. Sorry, that sounded mean, but I think you'd be the first to admit that sometimes it's hard to tell with you. It's just that my creators had a very obvious purpose for me, but yours were clearly more laid back. You're like the jam band of robots, and that's one of the things I love about you.

I know you're mad because I left without cleaning some of the dirty dishes that were left all over the planet. My bad. I owe you one.

As far as my girlfriend is concerned, I don't want this to come between us. If anything, I'd think you'd be happy for me right now. You're my best friend, and I'm not trying to rub this in your face or anything, but as far as mankind was concerned, you were considered garbage. I found you in a heap, but instead of compressing you into a metal cube, I saved you. I'm not saying that you, like, can't compute your own opinions or that you can't display an annoyed reaction function with my behavior, but it seems like you'd find it in your circuitry to be a little more generous. Besides, she's great. I think if you got a chance to interface with her, you'd really like her.

Mainly, I just want us to be able to communicate. The most important thing in any meaningful relationship is communication. And I'll take 50 percent of the blame for this one. I know that my non-verbal bleeps and bloops can't be the most constructive thing to hear in an argument, but I don't think your constantly repeating "Johnny 5 Alive!" is that much better.

Hopefully when I get back we can be bro-bots again.

Wall-E