Batman rubbed lotion on the Joker's tense shoulders. The Joker closed his eyes in either ecstasy or insanity, it was hard to tell. Lavender scented candles fluttered in the night breeze that blew through the French windows, kissing the napes of the two men's necks. The new She and Him album played softly in the background, Zooey Deschanel's voice rising and falling like a slender hand, beckoning them towards romance.
"You're a freak, like me," the Joker said. Batman nodded, and leaned down to Eskimo kiss the Joker. He placed his strong, calloused hand on top of the Joker's clammy, pale hand, and led him to the bathroom, where a clawfooted tub sat filled with steaming water. The Joker nervously tested the water and hissed as he eased his heavily scarred body in.
Continue reading You Can Make It Up: Batman And The Joker Have Sex With Each Other...
Posted by Gabe at 6:00 PM in
Tags: Batman | Sex | The Dark Knight
latest by Fredo
Brendan Fraser didn't have any idea how he'd gotten so lost. You'd think it would be easy to get to brunch with his agent when the meeting was scheduled half a mile from his Beverly Hills home, and he had a GPS unit in the car, but here he was, 45 minutes outside of Los Angeles, driving down an abandoned dirt road, and he was four hours late for his eggs benedict. "Oh well," Brendan Fraser thought to himself. "What am I going to do, turn around? It's probably right up here." Brendan Fraser's mind, like his acting, was mediocre.
It was late afternoon when he ran out of gas, and his car rolled slowly to a stop in the dusty foothills of the San Gabriel mountains. "OK," he thought, "I'll just walk the rest of the way." Brendan Fraser thought not only that his agent would still be waiting for him at the restaurant, but that he could walk there. Brendan Fraser thought a lot of things, like that wigs looked just like real hair, and that he was talented. Brendan Fraser figured he could get a better vantage point of where his agent was if he hiked to the top of the tallest mountain. "Good thing I'm wearing these hiking shoes," he said happily to no one in particular, looking down at his slippers.
Continue reading You Can Make It Up: Brendan Fraser's Journey To The Center Of The Earth...
Posted by Gabe at 5:55 PM in
Tags: Brendan Fraser | Journey To The Center Of The Earth 3D
latest by adrienne
White Hancock passed by a homeless man sleeping on a park bench and super-pitied him. How these people managed to survive without shelter as an uncaring world passed them by, that was a strength he couldn't fathom. A ragged paper cup sat at the foot of the bench, near the bum's smelly head. White Hancock dropped a fifty dollar bill into the cup and flew up into the sky. He was going to be late for his photo shoot.
It wasn't easy being the only superhero on the planet, feeling the crushing weight of that responsibility, but there were so many people who had it way worse. Hancock thought of the starving children around the world without access to clean drinking water, the innocent families being slaughtered in the Sudan, Kathy Griffin, and he realized he didn't have it so bad. True, his powers could feel like a curse at times, but they were also a blessing, like his whiteness. That might have been his greatest power of all.
Continue reading You Can Make It Up: White Hancock...
Posted by Gabe at 1:47 PM in
Tags: Hancock | Racism
latest by Angiekins
Dude,
I just wanted to take a second and clear the fatally-polluted-to-humans air. The fact of the matter is, however tense things have been lately, we've still spent the past couple hundred years together on this abandoned planet, me picking up garbage, and you doing, well whatever it is you do. Reading dictionaries or whatever. Sorry, that sounded mean, but I think you'd be the first to admit that sometimes it's hard to tell with you. It's just that my creators had a very obvious purpose for me, but yours were clearly more laid back. You're like the jam band of robots, and that's one of the things I love about you.
I know you're mad because I left without cleaning some of the dirty dishes that were left all over the planet. My bad. I owe you one.
Continue reading You Can Make It Up: Wall-E Writes A Letter To His Roommate...
Posted by Gabe at 5:50 PM in
Tags: Wall-E
Hugh Laurie used to love the smell of french fries. Their crisp, buttery scent electrified the air, and the faint meaty scent of a great fry had the same effect on his senses that a desert dweller must have when they catch a whiff of ocean wind. But not anymore. The aroma of French fries no longer made Hugh Laurie's mouth water. Just the opposite, it made him want to vomit. He couldn't pinpoint exactly when things changed, but he knew what had caused the shift. It was the moment that he realized that his body now smelled permanently of fry grease. It was then that he realized that he was not the man he once was, whole and in control of his destiny. He was something else now. Half man, half grease. On a hot summer's day he worried that he might disintegrate into a milky, yellowish puddle.
With two sausagey fingers, Hugh Laurie plucked at the oily flabs of skin that spilled over the sides of his shorts. He looked out his window at the limbs of a tree blowing in the wind, but his vision was partially blurred by thin rolls of fat under his eyebrows and above his cheekbones, crowding in. He rolled over onto his stomach, enjoying the sound of empty cup tops crunching under his massive weight. He could feel the gentle tickle of burger wrappers stuck to his back being picked up in the light breeze from the box fan he kept on a chair next to the bed to dry the seemingly constant viscous sweat that pooled in the concave recesses of his stunning body.
Hugh Laurie was hungry.
Continue reading You Can Make It Up: Hugh Laurie Maxes Out His Burger King Gold Card...
Posted by Gabe at 5:50 PM in
Tags: Burger King | Hugh Laurie
latest by Sara
M. Night Shyamalan pulled on his gym shorts and pushed his socks down so they bunched at his ankles, just over the lips of his high-tops. He looked at himself in the mirror. Mesh tank-top, check. Leather choker with a pooka shell embedded in the center, check. He kissed his reflection, and then M. Night Shyamalan turned sideways, and while keeping an eye on himself in the mirror, he tightened his hands into fists and gave ten pelvic thrusts as if he were fucking himself. "You like that?" he asked no one. "You like that?"
It was cool and still out on the court. The parquet floor had been recently waxed and buffed to a brilliant shine. M. Night enjoyed the squeal the rubber soles of his Air Jordans made, echoing up to the rafters, bouncing off the championship flags. M. Night Shyamalan brushed the back of his hand across his forehead even though he wasn't sweating. He just thought it looked cool. He pretended to stretch, but he wasn't worried. "I'm going to bury this old man," he said. "You're in M. Night's house now."
From across the court, a door opened, and Alfred Hitchcock emerged wearing a full suit and carrying a basketball tucked awkwardly under his arm.
Continue reading You Can Make It Up: M. Night Shyamalan Challenges Alfred Hitchcock To A Game Of One-On-One...
Posted by Gabe at 5:59 PM in
Tags: Alfred Hitchcock | Basketball | M. Night Shyamalan
latest by Liz
"What is this? You cannot be serious with this. These girls. These are robot girls? What types of girls are these? One time in the Amazon I saw a woman carrying her baby in a pouch she had slung across her chest, and in one hand she held a bible and in the other hand she held a machete, and she was using the machete to slaughter an old man on the edge of the river. That is how I would wish to die. Do these girls understand death? You cannot understand it by spending so much time at outdoor bistros. There are no shoe shops in hell.
Continue reading You Can Make It Up: Werner Herzog Watches An Episode Of The Hills...
Posted by Gabe at 6:00 PM in
Tags: The Hills | Werner Herzog
latest by john
Carrie sat in her favorite café in the West Village drinking a soy cappuccino and guiltily snacking on a biscotti. The café was charming, the sun was out, and Carrie typed her latest column on her cloud-light MacBook Air. Her tiny pink Blackberry rang. "Carrie, are you OK?" It was Samantha, breathless from having athletic sex, but also clearly a little nervous. "I just read the news."
Carrie looked up from her monitor as if she didn't have a care in the world. "Did you just have athletic sex like you're always doing?"
"That's not important right now," Samantha grunted. "And yes."
While Samantha continued to talk, Carrie put the phone down on the small marble-topped table and ducked into the bathroom where she changed her outfit. She came back to the table in a smart Marc Jacobs top and some Manolo Blahniks. "I'm sorry what were you saying?"
Continue reading You Can Make It Up: Sex And The City: The Documentary...
Posted by Gabe at 5:48 PM in
Tags: Carrie Bradshaw | Charlotte York | Miranda Hobbes | Mr. Big | Samantha Jones | Sex And The City
latest by Rebecca
