CNN Says That Nicolas Cage Says That He Is Broke • This news story is weird. Nicolas Cage is so broke that he has to sell four different 10 million dollar mansions? But I guess he still gets to keep a few of his other 10 million dollar mansions? What fucking definition of "broke" is CNN using?

Comments (32) latest by kreigle37

Congratulations, Dakota Fanning • Dakota Fanning was crowned Homecoming Queen this weekend? I'm going to have to update my video!

Comments (14) latest by Nowak Attack

Does Anyone Care About The Slumdog Millionaire Kids Anymore?

As you may or may not know, I am not a fan of the movie Slumdog Millionaire. Personally, I think that it is a condescending and exploitative after-school-special to make white people feel better about their cultural ignorance and their inaction towards global humanitarian crises. And there was a certain period of time in which I regularly wrote posts about the tumultuous and mostly-tragic lives of the movie's young child stars after the colonial film crew had packed up and moved home. Today, there is another report about how the kids aren't going to school, and how that might make them ineligible to receive the trust fund that Danny Boyle set up in their names. That's no good! My first thought was "Ah, another disturbing update on the nightmarish lives of the Slumdog Millionaire kids." And my second thought was, "wait, does anyone even care about them anymore?" And that is the whole problem right there!

But first, what is going on with those dudes?

Continue reading Does Anyone Care About The Slumdog Millionaire Kids Anymore?...

Posted by Gabe at 3:05 PM in Where Are They Now?
Tags: Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail | Danny Boyle | Poverty | Rubina Ali | Slumdog Millionaire

Comments (45) latest by Adequate Pipe

Where Wallace At, String? • We have been asking the age-old question, "where Wallace at, String?" for years now, and we finally have an answer! He is alive and well and a student at Dillon High School! (Thanks, Matt!)

Comments (13) latest by caringiscool

The Creepy "Pretty Woman" Guy Is The Roman Polanski Of YouTube?

Remember this guy?

Goosebumps! I've got goosebumps all over! And I'm vomiting!

Now, we learned months ago that there is no such thing as a free laugh on the Internet. So almost as quickly as we discovered the creepy old man signing "Pretty Woman" on YouTube, we discovered that the creepy old man was on the registered sex offenders list. Yikes. Well, it seemed too good to be true. A creep on the Internet who is somehow not actually a creep? C'mon son!

But now the creepy old man has been placed in jail, in part due to his "Pretty Woman" video.

Continue reading The Creepy "Pretty Woman" Guy Is The Roman Polanski Of YouTube?...

Posted by Gabe at 11:00 AM in Creepy, Justice, Where Are They Now?
Tags: Edarem | Free Mumia | Jail | Roman Polanski

Comments (38) latest by Carrie

It's Not ALWAYS Sunny In Philadelphia • The original Sweet Dee talks about developing the show and then getting fired. Which is interesting, and the good news is she seems to be doing pretty well now. But it's funny when she pretends like this is advice. You know, for when you are the original Sweet Dee.

Comments (28) latest by shoogyboom

Happy One Week Anniversary, Bubble Boy

Today marks the one week anniversary of Falcon Heene entering into our lives and our hearts and very quickly exiting our hearts. We hate that guy! Not really, though. Who we hate is Richard Heene. What a bad dad. He was always a bad dad, one assumes, but up until a week ago he was a Secret Bad Dad. Going to court for domestic violence and assault, making his weird Box Talk basement pilots, encouraging his children to make terrible and homophobic rap videos they're not even old enough to understand, putting them in a truck and driving them into a tornado. Wife Swap. And now this nightmare stunt all to get a reality show? Who do you think you are, Improv Everywhere?

It is funny how Richard Heene was an avid storm chaser and now he has found himself in a MEDIA STORM! (Sorry.) But seriously, what a week, huh Heenes? Your family is basically ruined, you know. That's sad. Although it's probably for the best. You guys were too nuts! Nuts always finds its level. Level = jail. Nuts always finds its jail. I'm saying: go to jail. You're driving us all crazy.

10.15.09
in memorium

Posted by Gabe at 3:45 PM in Where Are They Now?
Tags: Balloons | Birthdays | Falcon Heene | Hoaxes | Richard Heene

Comments (19) latest by fieldercooper

Falcon Heene Was In The Attic, And Now He Is Puking On TV

The boy from the balloon, Falcon Heene, was in the attic the whole time! Uh oh! I mean, on the one hand, GREAT NEWS. The first thing that everyone in America wants is for Falcon Heene to be safe and sound. And he is. So we can all breathe our collective sigh of relief at that. But the second thing that everyone in America wants is to never be made to look the fool ever. We are not so lucky on that one. There is something noble in our immediate (our?) reaction and expansive rescue effort, but you have to admit that it feels a little silly when you discover that the boy was just in the goddamn garage the whole time. Richard Heene, Falcon's father, is claiming that Falcon had hidden in the attic because he, Richard, had yelled at him. OK. "It's a dad, they yell." Although, Falcon has never seemed to give that explanation, I don't think?

No, Falcon has a whole different explanation, and it is sending shockwaves through the Heene household:

Continue reading Falcon Heene Was In The Attic, And Now He Is Puking On TV...

Posted by Gabe at 9:30 AM in Where Are They Now?
Tags: Balloons | Children | Falcon Heene | Hoaxes | Richard Heene

Comments (55) latest by caringiscool