Paul Blart: Mall Cop Slightly Less Popular Than George W. Bush
In his last weeks in office, George W. Bush's approval rating has risen slightly, to 34 percent. As you can tell from Rotten Tomatoes' completely scientific and therefore 100% accurate analysis of the American movie going public, this makes George W. Bush, the man largely responsible for the War in Iraq, countless crimes against humanity, the tragic failure to react to Hurricane Katrina, and MC Rove, slightly more popular than the fart butt "comedy" starring Kevin James. He is 7 more popular.
It may have taken eight years and immeasurable destruction, but I think it's finally fair to say:
President Bush: 1
Posted by Gabe at 1:30 PM in What America Wants
Tags: George W. Bush | Kevin James | Paul Blart: Mall Cop
While most of AMERICA seems to agree with you, your boyfriend, Roger Ebert, unfortunately does not:
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20090114/REVIEWS/901149986
Score = 1
It sounds like he liked it mostly because it proved a slapstick comedy can exist with no fart jokes and no cursing. Also, he likes that a chubby guy can be a hero...?
Score = 1
More like... "a chubby guy can eat a hero (sandwich)". Damn, my New Year's Resolution was to stop making fat jokes, back to the drawing board.
Score = 1
Or maybe Ebert is just an awful reviewer who prefers movies that have the intellectual stimulation of a doorknob.
Score = -1
I actually went and saw Paul Blart. You know went to a theater and saw it rather than sitting in my apartment all day, doing nothing, and criticizing everything on my stupid blog. Well i saw it and it surprisingly was pretty.....ehhh....i didn't really see it.
Score = 7
I take solace in the fact that, because they're at least done filming, Kevin James is no longer at the nearby Burlington Mall on a daily basis (the mall at which this was filmed).
I hope to feverishly change the channel every time a commercial comes on and maybe I can pretend this never existed.
Score = 0
I think you are missing the bigger picture here. This is NOT a Kevin Lames project, it's a think-piece about the current state of economic affairs. The director is trying to motivate the American cinema-going public to A) go mall shopping and B) buy Segways. Only time will tell if the movie is a success, but I think if/when this movie goes #1 at the box office 3 weeks in a row that we'll definitely start to see an economic BOOM!
Signed,
The Secretary of Treasury, Entertainment and Propaganda.
Score = 1
I don't like Ebert and some of his opinions, but i'll defend him this one time. He rates things on scale. Therefore he can give a David Lynch movie a thumbs down, and Mall Cop a thumbs up because he knows the people reading these reviews are two completely different groups.
In his heart of hearts, Ebert is probably well aware that this genre of comedy is absolutely unfunny. But he also knows that there is still a sizeable group of people who like these stupid movies. He is writing this review for those stupid people.
Score = 2
Somehow I have a feeling that fans of Kevin James don't frequent Ebert's website. Also, I'm not sure how we should feel about reviewing movies on a scale. Doesn't this mean that we can say Scary Movie 3 is better or worse than Dance Flick, when in fact they both are the worst?
Score = 2
i think what most of you aren't taking into consideration is that this movie is PG. so its not made for adults with 12 year old levels of intelligence, its actually made for 12 year olds.
admit it. your wes anderson/noah baumbach boners hadn't started at 12 either.
Score = 0
Speaking of George W. Bush:
George W. Bush committed hate crimes of epic proportions and with the stench of terrorism (indicated in my blog).
George W. Bush did in fact commit innumerable hate crimes.
And I do solemnly swear by Almighty God that George W. Bush committed other hate crimes of epic proportions and with the stench of terrorism which I am not at liberty to mention.
Many people know what Bush did.
And many people will know what Bush did—even to the end of the world.
Bush was absolute evil.
Bush is now like a fugitive from justice.
Bush is a psychological prisoner.
Bush has a lot to worry about.
Bush can technically be prosecuted for hate crimes at any time.
In any case, Bush will go down in history in infamy.
Submitted by Andrew Yu-Jen Wang
B.S., Summa Cum Laude, 1996
Messiah College, Grantham, PA
Lower Merion High School, Ardmore, PA, 1993
“GEORGE W. BUSH IS THE WORST PRESIDENT IN U.S. HISTORY” BLOG OF ANDREW YU-JEN WANG
______________________
I am not sure where I had read it before, but anyway, it is a linguistically excellent statement, and it goes kind of like this: “If only it were possible to ban invention that bottled up memory so it never got stale and faded.” Oh wait—off the top of my head—I think the quotation came from my Lower Merion High School yearbook.
Score = 0