The CEO Of Hasbro Is REALLY Excited About Awful Board Game Movies
Collider, a film website, recently interviewed Brian Goldner, the CEO of Hasbro, and the man behind movie adaptations of popular board games like Candy Land, and Monopoly (that's right, movie adaptations of popular board games like CANDY LAND, and MONOPOLY!). Well, it turns out that he really believes that these awful sounding movies are going to be good. Really good, even. I guess that makes sense. But these quotes are still funny:
'Candy Land' is not just about the board game. If you really think about it, it's an adventure that a kid goes on with his parents when they go across that board.
Haha. Sure! I mean, no one actually thought that you were just going to make a movie about people actually sitting around PLAYING Candy Land, Brian Goldner. Show some respect. But I can't wait to take an adventure with a kid and his parents across a board game. Sounds good!
There are more of these things:
'Monopoly' has this wonderful history. If you'll remember, "Monopoly" was literally invented at The Depression, so that idea, this fiction that's really there, this non-fiction fiction that's really there in the game and in the fact that there's such great roots to this brand and the history of the brand, we bring this to life with a story about families.
It was literally invented at The Depression. As opposed to all those board games that were figuratively invented at The Depression (also, "at"? Also non-fiction fiction? Boom goes the mindamite). So you're going to bring this history, which is wonderful, to life with a story about families? In The Depression? If Monopoly: The Movie is set during the Depression, that will be amazing, and I am not joking when I say that. I'm not. Head blown.
Oh, I'm not going to tell you quite yet but I will say that it's everything you could imagine in a "Battleship" movie. It's really a phenomenal idea.
I BET! Coy. Brian Goldner put his pinkie finger to the corner of his mouth when he said this one. SO NAUGHTY.
Did you know that Brian Goldner is also developing movies about Stretch Armstrong and also the Oujia Board? I figured he would have told you about those. In bed. When you guys were doing it. Boyfriend and girl/boyfriend (I don't know you). (Collider via FilmDrunk.)
Posted by Gabe at 4:30 PM in Bad Idea Jeans, What America Wants
Tags: Battleship: The Movie | Brian Goldner | Candy Land: The Movie | Hasbro | Monopoly: The Movie
YOU KNOW what sucks? John HUGHES IS DEAD; his films DEFINED A GENERATION. What the FUCK IS GOING to define this generation? CANDYLAND? Monopoly? Jesus CHRIST Hollywood. GET YOUR shit together for the sake OF THE KIDS or GET the fuck OUT.
Score = 30
You don't think G-Force has the ability to define adolscence in a way that both mocks and understands you in ways you didn't realize fully grown adults who had survived the insanities of childhood and young adulthood could remember?
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True words. I enjoy the fact that in this comment, you appropriately utilized a semi-colon, all while retaining your blatant disregard for proper methods of capitalization; well played, sir.
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This generation has Where the Wild Things Are. Jus sayin'.
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that's a good point. i keep thinking it's our generation's movie cause the book was popular when we were kids. but i guess it belongs to the people who are kids now. lucky bastards.
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There is one in all of us.
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I just need to say something.
The first hallucination I ever had was about Candyland, and I hope TO GOD that this movie will be exactly like that.
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hey, maybe they could just film people living their lives and call it "Life" just like the boardgame! do you think they'll steal this idea from me?
Score = 6
Certainly this sounds awful to me, but I'd like to hear from someone who has her finger on the pulse of the American people. Passerby?
Score = 23
These movies can be good if thought is put into the actors and special effects. I really hope they are cause I know people who are excited at the idea of seeing these if they're good. Movie party for us! But you guys will probably continue to laugh and make fun of them because you take yourself so serious with your serious attiudes and talks. Shut the brains off and enjoy! Y'all are going to make fun of GI JOE too aren't you? Also, "American Patriot" Breakfast club sucks. That movie is boring as aall aboring.
Score = -15
It's cute that you don't realize that you are nothing but a new inside joke. You are like technojeremy without the "relax."
Score = 12
At least technojeremy had the grace to bow out. (What happened to that guy?)
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He's OUT HAVING a wonderful DINNER. It's so LONG! SO MANY courses!
Score = 11
Please don't invite me to your movie night.
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Why would I invite any of you to the party I am going to be having with movies? You would just make fun of them if this site had said such to do. Haha!
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HA! More evidence, you guys: correct contraction of "you're," correct spelling of "too," YET misspelling of "attiudes!" You're going to have to try harder at being consistently and convincingly bad at spelling and grammar, Lindsay! You done been caught!
Not to be all "American Patriot"Breakfastclubsucksgum over here but, "if this site had said such to do" was amazing.
Score = 4
WHY the hell DID i just GET named DROPPED, SIR?
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I'm starting to agree with y'all. The jig is up, """""Passerby"""""!
See, I used extra quotes to highlight how SUSPICIOUS this all is.
Score = 4
Wait. Has anyone seen buenosueno in a while?
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My thoughts exactly. Bitch be hidin. Under the name of Passerby. And adding bad jokes.
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movies about brands. ugh. because compelling plot and acting are a minimal component of what makes a movie watchable. an afterthought, really.
in a weird way, it reminds me of when george costanza was pitching the idea for seinfeld and he would scream out "that's a show" about all the minutiae anyone would throw at him.
Score = 5
What are the pitch meetings like for this shit?
Hollywood guy 1: "Let's make movies about stuff that are things that people know!"
Hollywood guy 2: "Well, there must be hundreds of screenwriters out there that create new, original work every day. How about for once we make something inspiring and interesting that isn't based on brand name toys or older movies or comics?"
Hollywood guy 3: "Or how about a Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots movie? Daniel Day-Lewis is a down-and-out red robo-boxer whose one last shot at the big time is to knock out the blue robo-boxer played by Christian Bale? His love interest is Zooey Deschanel. No, Amy Adams."
Hollywood guy 1: "I'M GOING TO PUT SO MUCH FOOD ON YOUR FAMILY YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT #3"
Score = 24
Is it bad that I would actually want to see that?
I'm part of the problem.
Score = 6
Actually I would too. For movies, vampires:rest of America::Christian Bale:me. No matter how many DPs he humiliates. It's a bit sick, actually.
Score = 3
The only appropriate game for Goldner to adapt is obviously 'Sorry!'
Score = 24
Aren't Candy Land and Battleship literally and simply exercises in sheer randomness? In other words, requiring literally no skill or strategy? It would be kind of awesome if they did make Battleship into a movie, in which randomly positioned subs shot missiles at randomly generated target points for two very tense and literal hours.
Minesweeper: The Movie was good though.
Score = 8
U R so funny 'n U R so riiiight.
Score = 0
The screenplay for "Board Game Movie," by Seltzer and Friedberg is already complete.
Meanwhile, Chevy Chase weeps softly.
Score = 9
Well at least I talked him out of the Yahtzee movie guys, give me a little credit here.
Score = 7
Boggle! I'm thinking - Matthew McConaghey with his shirt off is one of the dice, trying to find love, and hilarity ensues.
Score = 4
i tried to up vote this, but slipped and down voted it. kisses.
Score = 1
"so that idea, this fiction that's really there, this non-fiction fiction that's really there in the game and in the fact that there's such great roots to this brand and the history of the brand"
This quote, more than anything else, exemplifies the minds that are making the decisions at studios, people! It is a miracle every time you see a great film! Don't forget it!
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Score = 20
"Monopoly has a wonderful history"? Not in my lifespan. Older siblings "robbing the bank" while you get more Kool-Aid. Never getting to be the fucking race car. Fuck! ... I do like Wilfred Brimley as the Monopoly man though.
Score = 9
If this movie doesn't feature at least one cameo by 2009 US Monopoly Champion Rick Marinaccio, I'm gonna be like, "BULLSHIT."
Score = 2
How much time did you waste googling this information?
Score = 5
I can't wait until the day Hollywood inevitably greenlights Settlers of Catan: The Movie.
Score = 3
"I was born to hustle roses down the avenues of the dead"- Brian Goldner
Score = 2
I am going to go Connect Four car batteries to my testicles. I only hope I Don't Wake Daddy. To be honest though, I feel like that might be a bit of an extreme reaction to such a Trivial Pursuit, but I don't have a Clue what to do with myself after reading that awful news. Perhaps I will end my Life.
Score = 6
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: puns.
Score = 2
"There Will Be Blood" was basically a movie version of "King Oil!". And that movie was great!
Score = 2
Will anyone be interested in playing the board games after the video game adaptations are made of the film adaptations of the board games? They should look into that.
Score = 4
I just can't wait for the "Guess Who?" movie starring Nicholas Cage as the hardened, seen it all detective on that one last case
Score = 5
slated for 2012:
Jenga: the 3D IMAX Experience
Backgammon: the Ride
Uno On Ice
Jumanji: the Book About a Board Game: the Movie: the Board Game: the Movie: Full Throttle
THE FUCKING APOCALYPSE
Score = 9
I don't know, "Clue" continues to be enjoyable twenty-five years later. I don't think it's the boardgame aspect that will doom these movies so much as the terrible writers, directors, and actors who will inevitably become involved with them.
Score = 1
Step to the next purple.
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