A Few Robots That Will NOT Be Appearing In Transformers 2
Yesterday, USA Today published a list of the robots that will be appearing in this summer's Transformers 2: The Edge of Reason (via /Film, FilmDrunk). I'm not going to republish the entire list here because if you really care (which you don't) you can do the research yourself, but it is hilarious. Here is a sample:
Arcee: A female Autobot - Megan Fox's hot-pink motorcycle.
Jetfire: A fighter plane crash-landed on Earth a long time ago, and he will become a reformed Decepticon now fighting for the humans. His alternate form is the SR-71 Blackbird, a sleek Cold War spy plane. "He's old, craggy, forgetful ... doesn't work very well. Can't transform very well, because he's very geriatric. They get stuck with him a lot," [Michael] Bay says.
Sideswipe: A candy-apple red Lamborghini in the original, joins the cast this time as General Motor's silver Corvette Stingray concept car.
Starscream: Formerly Megatron's second in command, he escaped at the end of the first movie; F-22 Raptor jet.
The Fallen: An ancient robot, sort of the Transformers' version of Lucifer.
Haha. "Sort of" the Transformer's version of Lucifer. Sort of. Not exactly. You get the gist. And my favorite:
Soundwave: A cassette player in the original toys. An evil communications expert but this time in the form of an orbiting space satellite.
I'll admit that a cassette player is not very exciting, but an orbiting space satellite doesn't exactly raise the tiny hairs on the back of my neck either. ANYWAY, after the jump, I have a list of some of the robots that will NOT be appearing in Transformers 2, because I just made them up:
RollerSkream: A rollerskate that turns into a Lamborghini, also is a toaster oven and a reconnaissance expert.
Senor Beans 2.0: An Hispanic robot that looks like some kind of stereotypical Hispanic car, maybe a tricked-out Camry with lots of detailing and a rear window decal? Something you would see in the Puerto Rican day parade, basically.
Brian: a sensible, used sedan that gets good mileage and likes to think of itself as a reasonable sacrifice made in order to give humanity's children a decent education.
Pepsitron: A can of Pepsi that transforms into a subtle advertisement for Pepsi.
Hitlerbot: Sort of like the Transformers Hitler.
To be fair, as stupid and/or racist as these are, we are talking about a Michael Bay movie about robots that turn into GM cars you can buy next fall, so, you know, who's the idiot? OK, but besides me?
Posted by Gabe at 3:15 PM in What America Wants
Tags: Robots | Transformers | Transformers 2
I'm really looking forward to this movie, even more so now.... Thanks Gabe!!! Yes, I know I'm a loser.
Score = 1
Jokes on you! There won't be any GM cars next fall!
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In my lifetime I've had two transformer toys. One was the classic Optimus Prime. And the other was Soundwave, the tape cassette. I only mention this because, given the option i would play with Soundwave over Optimus every time for no discernable reason.
Yes, i think Soundwave may be the little transformer that SURPRISES US ALL.
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SPOILER ALERT: The Fallen convinces a blind, crippled Autobot to drown himself in a pool of motor oil.
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I'm so excited to be in the Gabe version of Transformers 2. I hope my fight to overcome rising higher education costs are victorious. Will somebody just think about the children?!?!?
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wut abot da crazy robot babie monkey from too days ago?
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MeganFoxsexysceneotron
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What about the robot who's a yellow M and advertises and little company of burgers?
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How about Blazed-A-Tron. a tripped '64 impala owned by Snoop Dogg that just tranforms and then falls asleep on someone's couch after smoking a bunch of pot.
also i recommend PC-tron. A PC that transform into an eight year old then says "I'm a PC and I'm 8" for crappy windows commercials.
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If this is true... man, that's gonna tick off the robot Lucifer.
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I just read that, and involuntarily thought to myself, "Oh no! They messed with Sideswipe!" Then I thought, "Oh no! I'm pathetic!" And then I lay down with my head in the oven, and killed myself. The End.
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