Jennifer Aniston Is The Third Most Dangerous Person To Search For!
Guys, when you are doing a web-search for Jennifer Aniston, PLEASE BE CAREFUL. While it's true that Jennifer Aniston is not the most dangerous person to do a web-search for, she is the third most dangerous person, and that is still VERY DANGEROUS.
Obviously, the world can't just NOT do a web-search for Jennifer Aniston. Do you want governments to topple and people to go tearing into the streets with their faces melting off? No. A hearty and robust web-based search for information and/or photographs of Jennifer Aniston (clothing optional) MUST CONTINUE for the health and success of modern civilization.
But that doesn't mean that we should just let our guard down! According to Reuters:
"Cybercriminals are star watchers too - they latch onto popular celebrities to encourage the download of malicious software in disguise," McAfee's Jeff Green said in a statement."Consumers' obsession with celebrity news and culture is harmless in theory, but one bad download can cause a lot of damage to a computer."
"Every day, cybercriminals use celebrities' names and images, like Kim Kardashian and Rihanna, to lure surfers searching for the latest stories, screen savers and ringtones to sites offering free downloads laden with malware," the statement added.
Actress Jennifer Aniston was the third [most dangerous celebrity web-search], with more than 40 percent of the Google search results for "Jennifer Aniston screensavers" containing nasty viruses.
HOW ARE PEOPLE SUPPOSED TO GET THEIR SAFE AND RELIABLE JENNIFER ANISTON SCREENSAVERS*?! SURE, 60 PERCENT OF JENNIFER ANISTON SCREENSAVERS ARE BENIGN, FUNCTIONAL JENNIFER ANISTON SCREENSAVERS, BUT 40 PERCENT OF JENNIFER ANISTON SCREENSAVERS ARE INFECTED, AND THAT IS AN UNACCEPTABLE RATE OF DANGEROUS, UNUSABLE JENNIFER ANISTON SCREENSAVERS!
Sleep with one eye open, you guys.
P.S. One Bad Download is the name of my upcoming thriller. Fandango.
Previously: Brad Pitt Is The Most Dangerous Person To Google If You Are Ridiculous
*WHO THE FUCK IS SEARCHING FOR JENNIFER ANISTON SCREENSAVERS?
Posted by Gabe at 3:15 PM in WebJunk
Tags: Jennifer Aniston | Screensaver | The Lawnmower Man
Jessica Biel remains #1.
Score = 5
Shockingly, Baron Trojan von Virus Worm McFreepornography the 30th (XXX) has yet to appear on this list.
Score = 15
No, she has just now become the most dangerous. Brad Pitt was the most dangerous. Pay attention.
Score = 4
If we can't rely on Google for free, safe, wholesome Jennifer Aniston T&A, who CAN we rely on?
Score = 2
Terror Alert: Rachel
Score = 13
McAfee's Jeff Green after using Jennifer Aniston as a search example for a few weeks ditched her for a celebrity search younger, more beautiful, and less crazy.
Score = 9
Does this mean that we'll get viruses from reading THIS article? GAW THANKS ALOT, GABE!
Score = 0
(oh, and the picture you used--from the Rolling Stone cover story in '96 or '97, if memory serves--pretty much singlehandedly turned me into a man, so thanks for bringing back those memories of instant puberty)
Score = 14
I hate to be the bearer of news, but I can tell you from experience that frequent, high-speed masturbation does not turn you into a man.
Score = 18
that's not what the priest told me...
Score = 21
Whaaaahaaaahaaaa... hilarious. Booferama, you are always number one in the Monsters Ball of my mind.
Score = 1
do you like anyting dogg!!!?!?! lol dis chik was pretty bangin i like megan fox more now but all you fukkin do is cmoplain!!!!!!!!!!! i don even no why i read tis shit!!1 cept its fukkin hilarioujs!!1
Score = -15
you should do a post about halter horses dogg! thats some good shit right thre!!!
Score = -12
Toppling goverments? Melting faces? Why yes, I'd like that very much.
But not enough to have a 'Jennifer Aniston' cookie on my Google search bar.
Score = 11
BING
Score = 2
BING
Score = -1
Rachel Green is a nasty little whore.
Score = -12
Kim Kardashian and Rihanna are certainly the names of celebrities. He's sharp, that Jeff Green.
Score = 7
are you saying that this isn't cool?
Score = 37
Just like that, she became relevant again.
Score = 1
Again?
Score = 20
What theory posits that "consumers' obsession with celebrity news and culture is harmless"? Levin's Razor?
Score = 3
Is this guest written? BY AN AMERICAN PATRIOT? Cause that's an awful lot of caps, Gabe.
Score = 8
i'm concerned, how am i supposed to get dangerous computer viruses if i'm distracted by sifting through so many worthless pictures of jennifer aniston and jessica biel? is it too much to ask for a world where i can simply google a stars name and get all the viruses i need for my XTREME lifestyle???
Score = 2
This is why I stick to Steve Guttenberg screensavers.
Score = 3
Does anybody know if TED KENNEDY SCREENSAVERS is a dangerous search term?
I'm trying to find one where he swims up out of a body of water, cracks a beer and walks away whistling.
On second thought, I should probably just revise my search to CHAPPAQUIDDICK INCIDENT SCREENSAVERS. That would be safer, huh?
Score = -1
You're a dick.
Score = 3
You're right. As soon as I posted my comment I was like, "hmm. Probably could have kept that one to myself."
I apologize. I'm still trying to find my voice.
Score = 0
Zing?
Score = 0