SPOILER ALERT: It Turns Out It Was Rich People All Along
The big "green lit project announcement that everyone's writing about but won't actually be a movie until 2012 if it even gets made so maybe we should all relax" news today is about JJ Abrams's purchase of a New York Times article (they are for sale, hobo) about a fantastic apartment on Fifth Avenue that an architect filled with secret doors and wonders. From Variety:
The studio has paid mid-six figures for a New York Times article written by Penelope Green about a Gotham home whose owners discovered secret panels and hidden clues that led them on a mystery-filled scavenger hunt.
Fair enough. We all loved The Last Mimzy, so this sounds like a pretty safe bet. Except I was reading the actual article, and all the mystery and Jumanji of the apartment (which is admittedly totally awesome) wasn't left there by some wonderous old wizard who built its curios himself. It was designed and built by a 35-year-old architect. Like, he's 35 right now. And he was commissioned to design their apartment. Oooooh, did you just get goosebumps too?
After the jump, an exclusive look at a rough draft of the screenplay.
INT. CRAZY NICE APARTMENT - BRUNCH
Steven Klinsky, a 52 year old private equity manager sets down a cardboard box marked "Kitchen". As he straightens, he braces his hands against his lower back and emits a low moan of strain and fatigue, but not without a hint of satisfaction.
STEVEN KLINKSY
That should do it. Well, dear, what do you think of our new home?
MAUREEN SHERRY
It's beautiful, Steven, but are you sure we can afford it?
STEVEN KLINSKY
Babe, it was only 8.5 million dollars for the raw space, and another 1.26 mill for the renovations. Besides, I think this home equity management thing is really going to pay off this year.
MAUREEN SHERRY
Oh I hope so. (Looking around) It is beautiful isn't it?
One of the happy couple's four privately educated children comes running in, panicked.
CHILD
Mother, Father, sir, come quick, there's something weird happening in the other room. This house is full of mysteries.
STEVEN KLINSKY
Mysteries?! Oh no, do you think this place is haunted? Maybe someone was trying to tell us something. Maybe we need to complete a task in order for their soul to be at rest. Maybe we will have to run out of the house just in time as it collapses in on itself under the weight of its possessive evil.
MAUREEN SHERRY
Hmmm, it's probably just the work of the interesting young designer I hired to renovate the apartment.
ERIC CLOUGH
Hi.
STEVEN KLINSKY
Oh. You mean you just built some cabinets and stuff?
ERIC CLOUGH
Yes, that will be 1.26 million dollars please.
STEVEN KLINSKY
No problem, I will have one of my secretaries wire it over to you this afternoon. Who wants sushi?
CHILD
I do! I do! Can we get the omakase? Please father, sir, please?!
STEVEN KLINSKY
Well, OK, but only if you share the sea urchin hand rolls with your sister.
Steven Gaghan wrote that.
Posted by Gabe at 12:11 PM in Wait For It...
Tags: JJ Abrams | Spooky Apartment
