Obviously, you're going to the 10th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos*. It's your gathering. Everyone is going. Your mom is like, "hold on, let me just grab my diaphragm, my neck pillow, and my hunting knife." But if you've never been to the Gathering before, you can't just, like, GO to the Gathering. You have to know the ropes! There are a lot of ropes. What, did you think it was all just men on stilts and helicopter rides? This is a family. Even if you've been to the Gathering since it began, 10 years ago (sometimes Juggalos aren't so good at the math, so I did it for you), it's still useful to brush up on some survival tips. Luckily, YouTube user cdowg 187 recorded a 23-minute tutorial on how to survive the weekend. Because, you know, not everyone who goes to the Gathering is a good person and shit. Some of the pro-tips you will learn:
If you see someone who is littering or tearing up the park, jump them. Don't beat their ass, but jump them.
For the Juggalettes who might be going to the Gathering who are under 18, don't show your tits. We don't want Chris Hansen showing up.
If you are smoking speed, don't even think of driving.
If you're going to be sharing your alcohol with people and stuff, make sure they are above the age of 18. (The same goes for if you're smoking bud.)
Do you even know about JUGGALO NIGHT COURT? They ain't ready (they=you).
Naturally, any Twilight fan worth her 12-year-old weight in BLOOD (get it?) knows that the only way to truly show your allegiance and affection is on Facebook. OMG, TOTES. Because it's a series of best-selling books as well as a movie, there are even more Facebook Groups than usual dedicated to the series. There's the Because I Read Twilight I Have Unrealistic Expectations In Men group, which seems surprisingly honest and self-aware for a group of people who want to fuck mythological creatures. There's also the Gaspard Ulliel Should Play Edward Cullen in the Twilight Movie group, which despite its admirable size (more than 3,100 members) is probably the saddest. Because of how, you know, Gaspard Ulliel doesn't play Edward Cullen in the Twilight movie. There are also the antagonistic nerd-on-nerd-violence groups, like the Twilight Vs. Harry Potter (Twilight Side) group, because apparently there can be only one.
But there is one Twilight Facebook group that is so much more the best than all the others for its specificity of purpose and it's being the most ridiculous thing ever.
Did you guys know that there's a huge protest going on in Second Life? The avatar people or whatever are spending all their Linden dollars on virtual poster board and imaginary Sharpies, gathering on the steps of a picture of a building and waving the arms they had to actually buy with actual money to protest something Jon Stewart said about one of their own! Soon there could be virtual rioting in the pixel streets, and probably no real people will even notice. It's all explained in this video (sort of), where a Second Life dude calls Stephen Colbert "Jon Stewart's little brother", and "dares" Stephen to enter the realm of Second Life to meet him avatar-face-to-avatar-face:
I mean, the audience of silent bears? The eagle avatar that probably set someone back 20 Linden dollars? I just don't understand why Second Life people have to make it so easy for us to laugh at them.
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