This Man Hates His Penis, Inside Voices
The best thing about this video is that it's just a straight-up excerpt from a DVD that you can purchase, uploaded by the distribution company that's selling it. Everything Is Terrible and the YouTube Goons had nothing to do with it! Grassroots marketing! The only problem is that you can't have the DVD shipped to you. You have to go to this dude's house for a vegan potluck dinner to pick it up. NO SHOES ALLOWED.
Here's how the full experience of Body Memories is described on the website, with director's commentary (me!):
You are invited to come and dance the edge between what is deeply personal and very human, between laughter and grief and wonder.
Oh shoot! I'm busy! Maybe I can get a rain check on dancing the edge between what is deeply personal and very human, between laughter and grief and wonder?
Body Memories is a wild and often comic ride, one man's journey inward to find meaning in his life. He becomes an archeologist of the soul, digging through the layers of his past. Evocative images blend with a riveting performance that uncovers family secrets and buried traumas.
Ugh, of COURSE he becomes an archaeologist of the soul. Digging through the layers of his ponytail. Evocative ponytails blend with a riveting ponytail that uncovers family ponytails and buried ponytails.
The Bouffon, a creature who reflect the light and dark aspects of the protagonist's journey, accompanies him on this outrageous odyssey.
No comment.
One part Spalding Gray, one part Pan's Labyrinth, Body Memories is more than a poignant and enchanting story, it is mythic revelation of hope and possibility.
Hahahaha. "One part Spalding Gray, one part Pan's Labyrinth" is the single most incredible way to describe anything ever. Put that on this guy's tombstone. Put that on your boyfriend's tombstone.
ORDER NOOOOOWW! (Via HolyTaco.)
Posted by Gabe at 9:30 AM in DVD, Viral Video
Tags: Body Memories | Performance Art | Therapy
Although the video invites me to see more, I think I've seen enough.
Score = 12
if i had a nickel for every time i said that to my penis, i would have 35 cents.
Score = 7
Oh man Gabe, OLD NEWS. I saw this shit back in 2000.
SPOILER ALERT:
Later on in the movie, when that mothafucka gets CAPTURED, Lo Fang is gonna pull a dick move off AND CUT HIS LITTLE PONYTAIL THE FUCK RIGHT OFF, taking away all his shitty honor with it. Then he goes crazy and kicks the dudes ass, rescues the princess, BUT WE NEVER FIND OUT IF HIS HONOR comes back. WTF Jackie Chan!
Don't leave me in suspense!
Score = -15
You are doing your best to be The Worst
Score = 0
I'm actually kinda of in favor for more obscure Shanghai Noon plot summaries.
Score = 0
there is no more need for Videogum. I think this video pretty much covers it all.
Score = 5
Is this supposed to be inspirational? All I'm inspired to do is make sure my penis knows it's loved.
Score = 14
Scenes from inside the focus group showing of Kutcher's "Spread".
Score = 10
I feel terrible for his sweatpants.
Score = 12
um...that was...WOW. my favorite part is when i heard someone scream "WHATS THAT SMELL!!!"
Score = 8
HE HAS A PONYTAIL !!! (of course he has. he had to!) brilliant :) (and then there this, which will make this a classic, written as he (almost) grabs his crotch, "See more..." perfect.)
Score = 2
So, I cut my penis off- what's the next step?
Score = 16
You know... the perfect GIF might just be in this video.
Score = 5
"What's that smell? You didn't bathe (unintelligible)! I don't believe you didn't bathe before this!"
Score = 2
i wonder whether his penis is similarly ponytail-ed? if so i should hate it too..
Score = 4
i can't believe my collective eye.
Score = 8
This actualizes all of my fears about male groins and sweatpants. There's just no structure going on down there. There needs to be structure.
Score = 3
I think that video just about sums it all up. I can die now.
Score = 0
WHAT.
Also this guy IS Will Ferrell, or the one character he always plays.
Score = 0
these people are living in mental and emotional squalor.
p.s. - eunuchs.
Score = 0
is this a fictional narrative, or a self help video? i can't tell?
will there be any crying into Meat Loaf's man-boobs?
Score = 1
It's a shitty one person show. They're all terrible (See: Eric Bogosian, Whoopi Golberg). Move on.
Score = 0