On the one hand I think it's weird that it's not even Thanksgiving yet and the stores are already putting up their Y2K decorations. But on the other hand, it's not a bad idea to be reminded as early as possible in the year to stock up on your Y2K ham and paper plates, because next thing you know it's December 31st and the stores are closing early and your guests will be here any minute, and you just don't have time to install a water-purification unit in the backyard. And remember, you're not going to get too far if you can't open your cans! "Hi, I'm a roving gang of cannibals, what is that in your hand, an electric can opener? Nice try, I just raped your face. With my teeth." That's the kind of thing you're going to be hearing if you don't Y2PREPARE!
Video Home Systems Dot Com has cut together this highlight reel from a forgotten '80s sex comedy called Computer Beach Party. Is this real life? AHHHHHHH.
Michael Bay's robo-farts break box office records and this movie falls into the dustbin of history? I'm sorry, but I find it far more believable that the head of NASA can be found in the stacks of the local public library than everything about John Turturro's character in the Transformers franchise. This movie just has heart! I wonder if that nerd ever gets the "beautiful" girl a glass of water! I wonder what happens to that mean man's highly esteemed personal wealth! Keyboard in the glove compartment! Enhance! Enhance! Beach party!
According to VHS.blog, you can still buy used copies of this movie for $5 on Amazon. Which I guess is fine if you live in a cave! In 1996! You're telling me that Hamburger America: a Film by George Motz is available on DVD, but I've got to build a time machine and (KILL HITLER, and then) go back to the Age of VHS to watch Computer Beach Party? Between this and the lack of a Chopping Mall DVD, I am beginning to think that there is a conspiracy against putting movies I want to enjoy semi-ironically on DVD! A conspiracy!
David Wain put this up on his blog yesterday: apparently 13 years ago, he and State members Kerri Kenney, Ben Garant, Michael Showalter, and Michael Ian Black made a commercial for the then-new Game Boy Pocket. I feel like if I saw this now I would recognize their voices, but probably not:
I wonder whose butt that is at the end? (Via CC Insider.)
Kathie Lee Gifford is kind of a mystery to me. Hear me out, here. We all know she seemed pretty awful in the '90s, but all morning show people are always awful, and the two major things that happened to her (the child labor scandal and the Frank Gifford tabloid entrapment thing) weren't really Kathie's fault, but just convenient things we used as a society as good enough reasons to kick out someone we thought had worn out her welcome by taking her "perfect mother, wife, and human" role past the point of tolerance. But if you watch Kathie now, her fall from the highest heights of morning show fame and subsequent relegation to a totally unnecessary fourth hour of The Today Show seem to, if not mellowed her, forced her to take what may have always been a self-caricature to the next level. Kathie Lee may actually be a self-deprecating natural comedian acutely aware of the miseries and uncertainties of life but choosing to celebrate it anyway with a great big "Aren't I Just Ridiculous?" show. Or maybe not, but this video of introductory gags from her old workout video seem to show a woman who is mildly annoying, but definitely not taking herself too seriously.
Can we make a rule that says that every single year at the same time (summer is probably best), all of the people who are currently "hot," no matter how unrelated their fame is, have to get together in the same room and sing a cheesy song together for the enjoyment of The People Of The Future? Because these things are SO FUN. "Voices That Care" was a single released in 1991 and intended to bolster the morale of the Desert Storm troops. I owned it. I also taped the making-of special that aired on FOX, and saved the tape, and watched the tape, because I loved Fred Savage, Will Smith, and Alyssa Milano. "Voices That Care," the video: whether it's a trip down memory lane or a look at what was going on while you were being potty trained, it's so much fun:
I'm not old enough to remember this commercial for Blue Stratos men's cologne, but it really puts a lot of SNL sketches into historical/satirical perspective. I've never seen a creepier, more rapey expression on a beautiful model's face. I wonder how many people unknowingly owe their lives to the power of Blue Stratos:
Run, Tom Selleck! There's a roofie in your wine! I like how Mustache Guy plays the Little Red Riding Hood role in this commercial. He just thinks he's going out for a nice dinner with his best girl, so he put on his favorite cologne, but she has other ideas. For "something new"! (What did that even mean in 1985?)
Okay, WHAT IS WITH all these videos of famous women in the '80s demonstrating their beauty routines, taking bubble baths, and smugly demonstrating their fabulousness under the guise of "helping" others? First, there was Vanna White's terribly smug instructions on why we should all be as thin as she is, then the archeologists found Angela Lansbury rubbing lotion on her skin, and today Everything Is Terrible brings us actress Donna Mills talking makeup tips and pretending to answer the phone in her favorite puffy '80s outfits. I think we all need to call our parents tonight and ask them wtf was going on with that decade.
Last week, after his guest-stint as Jack's father on 30 Rock rekindled my Alan Alda obsession, I did some YouTube searches and found these charming Atari ads that Alan did for the gaming system's more practical features back in the early '80s. I love how Alan's public persona as an outspoken feminist was incorporated into the ads -- something you'd rarely see a celebrity do today.
Carrie Prejean turned the video camera off, put on some clothes, and stepped out of her house. It was a beautiful day outside. The air smelled like apples, and the late morning light hit the world in just such a...
After watching Death Sentence, a terrible movie starring Kevin Bacon as a father in search of vigilante justice directed by Saw's James Wan, Gabe embarked on The Hunt For The Worst Movie of All Time. This is his sad journey.
If you are a sassy and sarcastic young man in an American sitcom who represents the sitcom writer's desire that a nerdy Jewish teenager can somehow be the desirable romantic hero in this world, then eventually you will get a...
I shouldn't even be here right now. I SHOULD BE GETTING INTO MY COSTUME! If I don't hurry, my facepaint won't be dry before I get to the MOONVIE theater, and everyone will be like "hahah, you look like you're...
Blogging about TV and movies isn't all fun and videogames. Every week, Lindsay or Gabe will be presented with a physical or mental challenge that tests their bravery,patience, and taste.
The Challenge: I had to go on a 3.5 hour bus tour of totally random TV and film locations in New York City. Alone, and wearing a specific ridiculous tshirt. And I had to find someone to take my picture...
Uh. OK. Well, first let's address what this movie did well, like the disappointed parents we are (or at least that I am), recognizing that the negative feedback won't be useful or constructive if it isn't preceded by something positive....
