Date: Unknown Time: Unknown Location: TVG: Hawthorne 5 Source:thedw.us Description: Race horse in competitive racing event is literally named TWSS. No record available as to who might be willing to spend the hundreds of thousands of dollars required to purchase, stable, and care for a race horse all for the sake of giving it hilarious name. Longfellow Deeds? (Status: UNKNOWN.) For one brief moment, industry of horse racing, long associated with the dirt-encrusted depression wholes of the off-track betting parlor, becomes filled with joy and laughter. FILE UNDER: Racing, Race Horses, Laugh, Happy, Rich Man Jokes.
Date: Unknown Time: Unknown Location: Unknown Source:youtube.com Description: Completely bizarre and indeterminate video clip of former professional wrestler Dusty Rhodes providing a shirtless tour of a meat market's walk-in cooler ends with TWSS (Filed Jointly Under: TWHS, Nullus, No Homo). Classic instance of premeditated TWSS, the utterance of such may have been the entire purpose of video (since video makes no apparent sense anyway). Cases of premeditated TWSS are almost categorically unsatisfying to anyone other than user of TWSS, who is generally confused about how clever, naughty, and/or funny TWSS makes them seem. Forced use of TWSS actually goes against inherent point and pleasure of TWSS in the first place, and as such must be considered a failed TWSS. (File Under: FAIL.)
Date: September 1, 2009 Location: Internet Description: In extended-length promotional trailer for victorious upcoming season of At the Movies in which reviled Ben Lyons and loathed Ben Mankiewicz have been replaced by two of nation's more thoughtful and respected film critics, one of said new and most welcome replacements issues a shameless TWSS at 03:55 mark. As with most instances of TWSS, user seems ignorant of secondary, unintended TWSS meaning behind original intention of stated nonsexual interpretation of TWSS, and yet in this particular case, the non-TWSS meaning of the TWSS seems like very poor word-choice rather than simply innocent inclusion of TWSS. In that sense, TWSS is graded in the High Funny to Very High Funny range. SIDENOTE: otherwise, new season of At the Movies looks like a smart return to show's intellectual and tonal roots; a rare American success story.
Date: February 20, 1989 Time: 8PM Location: American Broadcasting Company Description: On popular television show, MacGyver, main character--a resourceful special agent with extensive bomb-making capabilities--introduces new character for single-episode story arc. New character is a small child. TWSS, as spoken in expository voice-over by main character, suggests that main character is a pedophile, which goes against image of main character as ingenious, courageous hero. Pedophiles are, according to most reports, cowards. (They are, however, resourceful, much like main character, and similarly they are clever about certain things--things mostly having to do with pedophilia.) File Under: FICTIONAL PEDOPHILES.
Date: Summer 2009 Time: Unknown Location: Broadcast Television Source:AdFreak Description: Nationwide retailer of edible garbage makes advertisement in which actors portraying ordinary citizens conduct fake "blind taste test" in order to use TWSS for supposedly comedic effect. Endless barrage of TWSS ensues. What retailer fails to realize is that use of TWSS in advertising campaign reinforces the already widespread and fairly justified belief that their food tastes like shit.
Date: Spring/Summer 2009 Time: Variable Location: Broadcast Media Source: Anonymous Tipster Description: Airline company uses TWSS as catchphrase. If we lived in an alternate universe in which everyone had a pre-packed suitcase waiting beside an office desk or within a coat closet, where to "grab one's bag" was a relatively common aspect of modern air travel, then perhaps TWSS would be less obvious and airline would avoid confusion. As it stands, however, we do not live in an alternate universe, and so airline catchphrase is more TWSS than non-TWSS, much like if a popular brand of soda were attempt to coin the catchphrase "Swallow It All," as if that was a thing people said to each other when they were seeking refreshment. File Under: TESTICLES.
Date: Unknown Time: Unknown Location: Broadcast television Source:afrojacks.com Description: In 1970s-era Dawn soap commercial, traditional advertising mechanism of heterosexual couple discussing the benefits of domestic cleaning products in comforting, recognizable "home" setting takes unexpected turn with the almost imperceptible TWSS*. There is no nuance or innuendo, this is literally what she said. (File under: LITERAL.) Advertisement cuts to voice over and image of product before husband can respond to wife's suggestion, but one suspects that he accepted.
*May or may not be real. Incredible and hilarious regardless.
Date: May 19, 2009 Time: Unknown Location: WDIV Detroit Source:BuzzFeed Description: VARIANT (file under: misnomers and wordplay). Viewer submits TWSS (Variant) to unwitting television station for nightly birthday broadcast. TWSS(V) is both said aloud by host, as well as shown on-screen, for a double victory. This is instance of complicated redundancy safety systems in which neither Eaton Beaver nor the number 69 can be assumed to succeed on their own, and must be used in tandem to ensure delivery of TWSS(V). A textbook case (see also: Bart Simpson).
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